A new chapter

February 07, 2016

I have to admit my 2016 didn't start out great. The eve of 2016 was a disaster, I didn't start my 20s on the right foot either two days later and to top things off, I went through a break up the fortnight after. After which, I had a series of unfortunate events happening as well, so much that it already became an inside joke between my colleagues and me. All in all, 2016 was shaping up to look like a bad year. But as humans, we tend to forget that a bad month doesn't mean a bad year, and a bad year is not a bad lifetime.

I don't want to jinx anything but February is off to a good start for now. I've never loved myself so much, never felt so confident and never genuinely enjoyed life so much! Plus I'm jetting off to a couple of destinations in the upcoming weeks, and we all know travelling makes everything better for me!!! I'm even excited about job hunting, a thought that usually already scares me.

More than anything else, I'm elated by the sudden twist in 2016 (not that I'm complaining!) and the surge of people entering my life. The first month of 2016 has taught me those who leave are people who should not have mattered from the beginning and the ones who stayed - these are the people who truly love you, for they were there when you had nothing. I guess when you open up and stop doubting everyone's intentions, more people will stay than leave.

And sometimes someone walks in, changes your perspective and you never see things the same way again.

“I was riding shotgun with my hair undone
in the front seat of his car
He's got a one-hand feel on the steering wheel
the other on my heart”

Less than five people in this world are aware of this new development in my life, and rightfully so too. I don't plan on telling anyone else any time soon and I might never do it. It's a vast difference from majority of my previous relationships but I have my reasons for doing so; mainly because I'm fiercely protective of his privacy - I haven't posted his photo anywhere, except for a brief 2-second shot on my Snapchat (@pekyj) - and partly because we aren't exclusive.

We are neither dating nor in love with each other. But we are both contented this way and I'm happy with what we have. We had a talk a few days ago about our status and established that we are not looking for a relationship right now, which is great since we both don't expect anything from this. I'm not ready for love or a relationship yet and surely won't be anytime soon but I truly enjoy his company, and that's all that matters.

He doesn't know the existence of this blog; he knows I blog, but he probably doesn't understand the importance of it, why I pour my feelings out to people who don't know me in real life, or even why do these people keep coming back to hear me talk about my life. He doesn't see social media as a validation the way I do and because of that, he makes me rethink my online priorities. It's a good change to be doing something and not thinking of how can I put this up on my blog. After 12 years of putting myself online, it's time I live a little for myself and not the internet.

He's far more matured than anyone I know and way easier to talk to; he gives me lots of sound advices and makes me promise him plans for my own future. He forces me to finish my work beforehand when I'm a huge procrastinator. He tells me I'm pretty and constantly reminds me to love myself before anyone else. He lets me know that he's proud of me and because of his constant prompts, I always remember how much I'm worth.

We have quite a lot in common and often engage in mindless, childish squabbles which usually ends up with us tickling each other and laughing so hard we lean against each other. He knows the complete truth about my past relationships and even more; he knows all the minute details I didn't even reveal to those closest to me at that time. He doesn't judge me for the things I've done (although he commented that I can be childish hahahhaa), which I'm really grateful for. He's a good listener and that's enough for me.

Of course, I'm making things sound more dreamy and magical than they really are in reality. We do have differences that we can never sort out even with time and I think it pains both of us to know this, but that's the beauty of not being in a relationship, isn't it? You don't have to try working things out because some things just aren't meant to be.

You simply live in the moment and enjoy each other's presence.

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  1. Like your mysterious ways hahahas