Take chances

February 12, 2016

This year has been a year of turbulence and change. I anticipated this long ago with the prep talks given by my colleagues who have been there, done that but still, I'm currently overwhelmed by life and the amount of major decisions I have to make barely two months into 2016. If this is something that everyone experiences in their twenties, when will it finally be over for me?

Being twenty is neither here nor there; I'm no longer a teenager but I'm also not an adult yet. Somehow, I think this is the prime time for me to make mistakes and learn from them. I can only live this life once and I don't want it to be a shielded life and thus, losing my chance to break free and gain experiences on my own.

I've always been so afraid of everything, especially change. I think it's time I come out of my shell and start exploring on my own. I'm only live once; if not now then when? One day, I'll find the right person who gives me stability and security, we'll settle down and I'll enjoy the serenity.

But not now.

For now, I love being rash and not having a care in the world. I live for myself, for today, for the moments that might never happen again. I know what people are going to judge my decision no matter what and the challenges might be too much for me to handle eventually; the odds are stacked against this, but I'm still going ahead with it. I'm going to be reckless with my heart. After all, I'm only young once and I only can be wild once.

There's no denying it, it's still going to hurt when my heart breaks. But I learnt through regrets that what hurts the most – even more than heartbreaks – is not taking the chances when they were right there in front of me. Taking that chance, that unconventional path, might just prove to be better than not knowing a definite answer for the rest of my life and having that what if feeling tugging on my sleeves.

In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take.

I'm trying to live by this. I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering anymore. If only I was brave enough to go against the odds, if only I cared less about what others think. If only if only if only. I'm so sick of these thoughts. This is my life; even if I make mistakes, I want to be responsible for them. I want to learn through my own mistakes, not live a politically correct life sheltered by everyone's mistakes.

Despite having my heart broken a thousand times, I'm still going to love fearlessly with all the remaining pieces. Although it may not lead us to anywhere, I still believe in this love. I still want to love like a fool while my heart still can afford to. I want to keep loving, keep caring, keep trying.

And I'm going to do that, even this one ends in a heartbreak.

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