Time flies. 14 February 2018 marked my third single Valentine's Day. Declaring that you're single on this day of love always has negative connotations attached. Single awareness day, my friends called it.

Only bitter spinsters spend Valentine's Day alone, my mom proclaimed. She's one of those traditional aunties who believe women must get married and give birth by a certain age or they'll be considered monsters. Yup, no pressure at all.

Surprisingly, the loneliness that's often associated with singlehood hasn't seeped in for me. For someone who, for seven years, lived in the shadow of another, my independence is still refreshing, even after three Valentine's Day. Being single is actually liberating.

I'm not obligated to reply messages when I'm too busy. I don't revolve my week or life around someone. I wake up and sleep as and when I like, the same with buying plane tickets. I go when I want to because I don't have to answer to anyone.

Everyday, I'm discovering new things about myself. And I'm glad I stuck by my decision to love myself before seeking love from someone else.

No one can love you more than you. Always remember that.

Pop songs describe December as the most beautiful time of the year — I guess it would have been, if we had white Christmases in Singapore. Instead of snow, we celebrate December with an onslaught of new year's resolutions we never intended to keep and promises that the new year will bring a brand new, improved version of yourself.

I only had one resolution for 2017: to overcome my avalanche of worries and love fearlessly.

Like a textbook millennial, I carved my new year's resolution in stone, on social media. As if declaring my new year's resolution on Instagram will motivate me to work harder for the fear of disappointing someone. Who? In reality, nobody cares enough to commit your dumbass resolutions to mind. Not even yourself.

2017 — love more, worry less. x

A post shared by Yi Tsing 怡靜 (@pekyj) on Dec 30, 2016 at 5:11am PST

Nine insignificant months flew by; we're more than three quarters into 2017 and I'm plunged with the sudden realisation that I'm closer to turning 30 than being a credulous 10-year-old.

The year of Trump's inauguration, North Korea's most powerful nuclear test, iPhone's 10th anniversary and Singapore's eighth presidential elections (marking the first time I should've casted a vote), I've done nothing but love less and worry more.

How contradicting, and very typical of me.

Is it a little too late to revise my decisions and restart on my new year resolution?

If there's one word to describe the past two months I've been somewhat absent, it'd be turbulent. A massive amount of people entering and leaving my life, leaving me in a constant state of bewilderment. I pushed people away because I couldn't be sure of their motive for getting close. Even though it's tiring, I'd rather build walls is better than tasting betrayal from someone you actually cared about.

I hate that because I trusted the wrong people, my private life became a piece of gossip to people who aren't even my friends. How can I ever deal with this disappointment imprinted on me by someone I loved? I can't, which is why I'm nothing short of overjoyed that I'm leaving all negativity behind in approximately 24 hours.

2016 has been a year filled with travels for me. Gold Coast, Hong Kong, Taiwan, and many different parts of Malaysia. Each time I thought I was going to stay rooted for good, I received pieces of good news that set me off packing again. 2017 will be no different as I prepare for my first official solo travel to Taiwan and Japan. Couchsurfing, road trips, hostel hopping, and many more unplanned adventures — surprises that will hit me when I'm on the road.

I don't know what the future holds, but one thing's for sure: travelling will remain a constant in my life, more so when I have the cash to do so.


I'm lost and confused, but I'm excited.

This time of the year again where annual obligatory reflections flood social media, bidding near-farewell to yet another year. Some of us are thankful for the lessons we learnt — whether by choice or not — while others are left questioning why me, why this, why not. It's a mixture of both. Reminiscing the past and being thankful for whatever came my way this year, good or bad.

This is a reminder to myself that things will work out. I need to stop worrying things I have no control over because they usually turn out in my favour. Take a step back, breathe, let go. I'll be okay. And you know, for once, believe in my own words.

With Chinese New Year round the corner again, I'm getting more and more stressed out. Even before the obligatory yearly visits, I already know what are the questions I should be expecting.

"How old are you?"
"Where are you studying?"
"What course are you in?"
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
"Where's your boyfriend?"
"How come haven't grow taller?" (I actually find this rather amusing wtf)

And the one I dread the most...
"Why don't you talk more?"

I've always been this awkward and shy cousin since young but I always felt the need to talk and try to fit in because my father has always told me, "you need to be more social."

I always thought I was abnormal because I hated what most people seemingly loved to do. 

But now that I've grown up, I know that we all have different comfort levels and for me, I'm just not a people person. I get anxious in crowds, I get panic attacks when I'm around too many people I don't know. I prefer to keep my thoughts to myself because I don't have the nicest thoughts but people only like to hear nice things about themselves. So just because I'm quiet doesn't mean I'm unhappy. 

Maybe I'm quiet because I don't understand your language (my paternal family speaks in Singaporean hokkien while I only understand Malaysian hokkien). Maybe I'm quiet because I don't find the need to make small talk with the people I'm only gonna see once a year. Maybe I'm quiet because after a whole day of socialising, I just want a moment to myself to relax and recharge.

I'm a bit fickle-minded on the Chinese tradition to do house visiting. I love visiting my relatives but I don't like having to do PR with the other relatives that I don't even know existed just for the sake of it. Yes, I love the angpaos I'll be getting (hey at least I'm honest) but I hate the dressing up to impress people you'll never see till the next CNY, the exchange of social pleasantries, the CNY greetings that you don't mean, and the fake smiles.

On the other hand, but I will do it if you are special to me. I don't like people assuming that I would/wouldn't want to socialise. I'm rather capricious on this I guess. Let me break it down to you.

1. I don't mind socialising with my friends' family or having a gathering with the friends of my close friends occasionally because I know there are some occasions whereby there is an absolute need for this. I don't like being excluded with the excuse of "oh, because I thought you were awkward." Nice try wtf. Thankfully, none of my friends are like this and I'm grateful for that. (People guilty of this: ex-boyfriends)

2. I don't mind socialising, but not when you give me a notice at the eleventh hour. I need time to prepare myself, I need to rest a few days before and after socialising, I need to brace myself for that day (wtf). I hate it when I'm informed at the last minute and I have no choice but to attend the social event. It usually turns out better than expected but I'm a nervous wreck before that and I don't like it.

If I bother to try socialising with the people around you, it really shows how much you mean to me but if you don't help me or see the effort I'm putting in then I'm sorry, but it will never happen again.

I don't like people much - be it hanging around them or just people in general - and I'm okay with that. I don't understand why do people make a huge deal out of it.

Despite the setbacks and hiccups along the way, I think 2015 has been great thus far. My new year resolution was to love myself more and it seems like it's working out up to this date; I'm finding myself in a much better place than I used to be. Although it's only February and I don't want to jinx anything yet, it seems like this is the year I finally learn to let go, allow myself to grow stronger and become more confident.

I'm still over-sensitive sometimes and I still hurt easily but I find it so much easier to bounce back up and get my life together again. I cry, but I let go of things that don't belong to me. I'm insecure, but I learned that it's fine to to poke fun at yourself sometimes. I hurt, but I get over it. I feel bad about my body, but I accept that I'll never be perfect. I feel sad, but I move on. I'm not okay all the time, but I've learnt that it's okay to not be okay.

I've lost lots of friendships in 2014 and even in the earlier parts of 2015. I'm still bothered when I get reminded of the good times we shared or randomly think of them. It still disturbs me to no end and it's still painful, but it's a lesson learnt. I don't, and can't, deny that these people still hold a place in my heart but I will always be wary of them

Looking back, maybe I haven't lost much after all. I'm definitely not the best person alive but I dare say I'm a good friend. They lost someone who's willing to stand up for them no matter the circumstances, someone who's loyal, someone who never leaves her friends in the lurch. Sometimes I ask myself, what did I lose? 

I've tortured myself with those memories and mourned for long enough. I've spent nights crying because I was confused, lost and hurt. I've tried to mend things only to hurt myself in the process. Now it's really time for me to move on. Not just friendships, but also basically everything else that isn't working out in my life. It's time for me to let go of people and things that don't belong to me.

In 2015, I aim to finally be brave enough to put an end to all toxic activities and cut all toxic people out from my life. No more holding on to memories and falling in love memories instead of people/things. The fact is that memories don't change, pictures stay the same but people grow and sometimes we just don't recognise them anymore.

I'm still learning to stop looking back and just look forward to the future. Hopefully 2015 will be a good teacher. I can do this. I can do this! :-)

Every year I become older, and hopefully become a little wiser.

I turned legal in 2014 and it's almost as if this was a reason for people to start stepping all over me and pushing me when I'm down. Last year has been relatively blissful for me but this year has been the complete opposite.

I learnt so much more about humans this year than I ever did in my life. So many people opened my eyes and disappointed me in the process. The people I thought I knew turned into complete strangers, the people I held close to my heart didn't feel the same, the people I thought would stay in my life left.

I've always been an emotional girl, more so this year. So many times I found myself crying and not letting anyone know. So many times I've asked myself, who would cry or miss me if something bad happens to me. I don't wish for 2015 to be a good year anymore, I just wish that I can get through this alive.

Nonetheless, 2014 has been a wild but amazing ride. Despite the bad decisions I made and the bad things that happened, I never regretted anything I did. The only regret I have is not doing the things I could have done when I had the chance.

I know that in the end these bad decisions will only make good stories and hopefully one day I'll look back and laugh. I rather make stupid decisions than regret the chances I didn't take in years to come. I rather regret my decisions because of the consequences than regret never trying when I had the chance to.


Therefore, in 2015, I'm gonna take chances, be braver and live for myself. May I never have to regret the chances I didn't take, the love I didn't let in and the gifts I never gave.

Happy (advance) new year, y'all.

When I first started blogging, it was more of a sharing my life with people around me thing. I was only 8 when I wrote my first post and back then I couldn't even spell dare properly. Then I stopped for some reason and at 11, I started writing again.

I remember it was when Hotmail rolled out a new feature called Windows Live Space so I decided to give it a try. My theme was purple and my username was freedom89757 wtf. I had no idea why freedom but 89757 was from a JJ Lin song and I used to like him a lot (mainly because a popular girl in my class liked him WTF more about that next time).

I wrote mainly about friendship issues and my daily life. I think reading my old posts would be both hilarious and embarrassing but I unfortunately got hacked by a girl I trusted too much and never got my old posts back. This is why the posts from my blog begins from November 2007 (which was when I was 11).

I think blogging brought me a lot of benefits. Like the above incident. I learned to not be so trusting and some people are fuckers no matter how hard you try to be nice to them.

At 12, I got into trouble with the school for blogging. I was, apparently, not allowed to talk shit about people and the school online because that's defamation. That's also bullshit because I spoke of nothing but the truth. As I said, I was merely blogging about my daily life and not even writing opinion pieces like I sometimes do now.

I was also not allowed to post photos of my friends and I having fun (e.g. playing at the playground) because it "damages the school's reputation." Well if the school's reputation gets damages so easily then maybe it doesn't have any to begin with? Hmmmm.

Just a disclaimer: I still think my primary school is a great one and if I stay near Punggol in the future, I would definitely send my kids there - I just didn't agreed with how they handled the matter and how they only saw things from one perspective. Other than that, it was a wonderful school and the principal was so willing to help even 5 years after my graduation when I went back for an interview for a poly assignment!

So anyway, at 13, I got into trouble with the school over my posts yet again. It was during times like these that I really wanted to give up blogging. At that time, I wasn't earning money from blogging so I was basically only writing because I wanted to share my life with my family and friends. Which is pretty ironic considering I don't write much 'Pekyj Daily' posts anymore.

Along the way, I gathered more readers and started having friends of friends and their friends reading my blog. I can't even say I know why people liked reading my blog because I typed like an ahlian back then but somewhere around this time, I decided to use my blog as a writing platform since the compositions I had to write in school didn't allow me to express myself enough.

Then I started receiving compliments on my writings and it made me feel sooooo good. I hardly feel good about myself but if there's one thing I'm confident of, it is my writings. It made me so happy knowing that people enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing :)) Not only that, I started earning via blogging so I was essentially being paid for doing what I'd totally do for free!

But I got busy with school and eventually stopped writing. I also only blogged around twice in a month so I lost a lot of the first batch of readers I had. I don't blame them either because most of my blog posts were half-assed and I barely spend an hour on them.

But some time ago in mid 2013, I broke up with an ex-boyfriend and started writing again. I merely wanted to pen down my sorrows but somehow, I began picking up where I left off. My first few writings then were slightly awkward but I started getting the hang of it again.

Even then, I never gained back the readers I lost and I only had a handful of readers. I was virtually talking to myself and maybe some of my friends who were trying to catch up on my life. At this point, I was earning next to nothing from my blog but my love for writing was rekindled. Since I wasn't earning, blogging was no longer a chore and it became something I looked forward to.

I remembered why did I love writing in the first place. I love being able to voice things out. Most of all, I love how in poly, especially in my school (school of film and media studies), we are encouraged to be creative. I no longer have to censor my posts, I could write whatever I wish as long as I take responsibility for my words.

Man, do I love the freedom of speech! This freedom given to me rekindled my love for writing and I started writing more. I formed my own opinion and developed my own identity. I no longer had to conform to what my primary/secondary schools think is acceptable. Of course, along the way, I also learned that not spouting nonsense and doing enough research before publishing a post helps. A lot.

Slowly, I gained readership again but I never took notice of it because I have already stopped obsessing over my daily stats. Then recently, a friend of mine told me a lot of people he knows read my blog. Another friend told me he loved my writing. And I started receiving a lot more questions on a daily basis on my askfm.

Then I checked my stats for the first time in months and I went, "HOLY SHIT, I'm no longer just talking to myself!!!" I'm not going to reveal the digits but I love how I have an audience now and that I keep getting praises for my writing. Come on now, everybody loves to be praised, no? 


But yes, I am human, and I make mistakes sometimes. I am still learning and I seek your forgiveness if you ever felt personally victimised by my blog posts wtf. It sounds so dramatic but I know words can kill and I can be quite careless with my words sometimes. I am thankful for what I have now and I will try my best be responsible for what I'm posting.

I am deeply humbled if you are here today because you like my writings or my occasional useless rants. Whoever you are, however you stumbled upon my blog, thank you for being here. Thank you for being nice to me and defending me on my askfm even though you really don't have a need to do that.


Happy 10th anniversary to my blog!

I will try my best to keep you coming back for more (wink wink hahahhahaha) and continue to be entertaining. Uhhh, I initially wanted to insert a clown image here but all the images I found on Google are creepy as fuck and now I'm afraid to sleep wtf kill me. No, not the killer clown. Hahahahahha.....hahaha....ha....ha......ha.......

Here's to another ten years of bad humour!!!

And to people leaving mean comments on my askfm,

But really, your hate isn't going to get to me. If anything, it motivates me to become a better person than YOU. So thank you too, for helping me become a better person. ;)

2014, bring it on!

So, this is my second post of 2012. 2011 came to an end so freakily soon. It's anguishing to say that 2011 hasn't been a good year for me. Of course, there were happy moments made memorable by many special people around me.

But for the most part, it was generally a moody year. At many points, I found myself trapped in a body of doldrums. It seems that the people who tell you they will be there are the ones who walk away first. And the glittery opportunities you think you've landed turned out really, to be nothing but glitter.

2011 was a year of growth spurt for me. Adversity doesn't simply reflect the state of mind, it brings out the best and the worst in a person. And I underwent that.

I saw how possessive and addictive a person I could be, I saw in retrospect, how my ego became me, and how I let it become a main investor in my relationship. But I also saw the beauty in myself when I found the right path.

2011 was a year of relearning myself and building new priorities.

Above all, I'm grateful for the many opportunities that found their way to my door. I am so grateful for the happenstances which allowed me to pursue my passion. I am thankful for the many incredible personalities I've met, these people developed my perspectives yet again, steering me into exploring so much more the world can offer.

And most importantly, I thank my family, my boyfriend and my closest friends for simply, being there.

Each year, I embrace the new year with greater knowledge. Let us dance to the changes and challenges around us.

So there, just a prelude to my little space here.

I'm really worn out now. I'll blog again. See you guys! Bye!

Last day of 2009 don't feel like last day of 2009 at all . Alright , I'm talking crap .

Firstly , Happy Happy Birthday , Liern .
Secondly , Sorry ChinZheWei today can't pei you and thanks for pei-ing me so late till yesterday night :)
Thirdly , For 2010 , my new year resolution is ,

• Improvment in my studies :D
• New lovestory in my life (:
• Make more friends ^^
• Save more money !

Okayz . Can't think of anything else right now .
Shall just end here (: .

I danced into 2008 :D .
Okay , so I was invited to perform for the countdown party and yeah , I attended it .
Did makeup and although it was just a few minutes I had on stage , everything was really perfect :) .
After the performance , met up with Clarence , Mattheus and went for supper .
Reached home at about 3 plus going to 4am ? LMAO , and I got scolded ._.
I enjoyed myself thoroughly . Hope that the rest of 2008 will be as great as yesterday ^^

-

It's a horrible thing to see yur lost love walk past you with another girl ,
and it's the worst thing is knowing that you made a mistake in letting him go .