Here's to a better 2015

February 12, 2015

Despite the setbacks and hiccups along the way, I think 2015 has been great thus far. My new year resolution was to love myself more and it seems like it's working out up to this date; I'm finding myself in a much better place than I used to be. Although it's only February and I don't want to jinx anything yet, it seems like this is the year I finally learn to let go, allow myself to grow stronger and become more confident.

I'm still over-sensitive sometimes and I still hurt easily but I find it so much easier to bounce back up and get my life together again. I cry, but I let go of things that don't belong to me. I'm insecure, but I learned that it's fine to to poke fun at yourself sometimes. I hurt, but I get over it. I feel bad about my body, but I accept that I'll never be perfect. I feel sad, but I move on. I'm not okay all the time, but I've learnt that it's okay to not be okay.

I've lost lots of friendships in 2014 and even in the earlier parts of 2015. I'm still bothered when I get reminded of the good times we shared or randomly think of them. It still disturbs me to no end and it's still painful, but it's a lesson learnt. I don't, and can't, deny that these people still hold a place in my heart but I will always be wary of them

Looking back, maybe I haven't lost much after all. I'm definitely not the best person alive but I dare say I'm a good friend. They lost someone who's willing to stand up for them no matter the circumstances, someone who's loyal, someone who never leaves her friends in the lurch. Sometimes I ask myself, what did I lose? 

I've tortured myself with those memories and mourned for long enough. I've spent nights crying because I was confused, lost and hurt. I've tried to mend things only to hurt myself in the process. Now it's really time for me to move on. Not just friendships, but also basically everything else that isn't working out in my life. It's time for me to let go of people and things that don't belong to me.

In 2015, I aim to finally be brave enough to put an end to all toxic activities and cut all toxic people out from my life. No more holding on to memories and falling in love memories instead of people/things. The fact is that memories don't change, pictures stay the same but people grow and sometimes we just don't recognise them anymore.

I'm still learning to stop looking back and just look forward to the future. Hopefully 2015 will be a good teacher. I can do this. I can do this! :-)

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