I'd rather live a life of "oh well's" than a life of "what if's".

January 30, 2013

It has been almost a month since the release of my O Level results and I haven't blogged about it. Reason being, my results weren't very ideal and I'm kinda ashamed of it. I was far off from my target and the moment I saw my results, tears wouldn't stop streaming down my face. I felt like the THREEs were glaring at me, mocking me. Yup, that's right, I got B3 for all my subjects, which makes my raw L1R2B2 15 points. I won't deny that I was terribly disappointed. Having worked so hard before O Level and yet not getting a single distinction felt horrible. But comparing my O Level results to my Sec3 MYE results (L1R2B2: 39 points), I guess I should be grateful. At least I know that I have tried my very very best during O Level and I have no regrets.

In terms of position, I was one of the last few in my cohort at that time. But in 6 months, I changed that by topping my class. People keep on asking me how did I improve so much in such a short period of time. There's only one answer to this: determination. When it comes to studying, all my life it has been "if only" and "what if". If only I've studied harder during PSLE. What if I didn't slack so much in Sec 1? If only I actually say down and study during streaming. What if I didn't play my whole secondary school life away? As the years flew by, I realised how close I was to O Level. It was then that I started to mug.

People looked down on me, they told me I'll never make it. Hell, even my mom thought that I probably wouldn't make it to a polytechnic. But all those people who didn't believe in me were my motivation. With their doubts, I was even more motivated to prove them wrong. I studied harder than I ever did in my whole life and I hardly slept before my O Level papers. I told myself that I will never allow myself to fail, and that I will definitely not regret when I get my results.

I don't know where I went wrong though. Maybe I started mugging too late, maybe I gave myself too much stress, or maybe I just wasn't good enough. But one thing for sure, I didn't regret anything. I know that I've done enough. The release of the JAE results is tomorrow. If I make it to my dream course, I'll definitely be elated. I think that I deserve it; having worked so hard for it even till last week when I was preparing for the interview. But if I don't, it's alright too because I know that I've tried my very best.

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