Bullying, suicide and Amanda Todd.

October 19, 2012

Guess what (or rather, who) was trending on Twitter the whole week? The hot topic of the week is Amanda Todd. For those who're still unaware, Amanda was on an online chat-room where she sent a picture of her boobs to a stranger who then circulated it. Apparently because of this, Amanda experience anxiety, major depression and panic disorder which ended up with her moving house, switching school and abusing alcohol and drugs.

A year later, the stranger emerged again, with a Facebook page/profile of her pictures. She was once again, teased and bullied so she changed school again. She became happier and hung out with this guy who was older than her. The guy then invited her to his house and they had sex while the guy's girlfriend went overseas. When his girlfriend came back, Amanda was cornered in school and was assaulted by the guy's girlfriend and her clique. They also hauled insults at her.

Following this incident, she returned home and tried to kill herself by drinking bleach. She was rushed to the hospital in time and survived. Now, you think that those bullies would stop by now but no, when Amanda returned home, she saw even more abusive messages written on social networks about her attempted suicide. Her family tried to start anew by moving away but six months later, the messages still kept on coming. Finally, when she couldn't stand it anymore, she killed herself, successfully this time round. (Source: Wikipedia)

I don't know how this became known worldwide because people attempt suicide and pass away everyday but that's not the point. Everyday I login to Instagram/Twitter/Facebook and I see people saying things like "R.I.P. Amanda Todd, you were so beautiful, those who bullied you deserve to die." It makes me so sick and disgusted, not because I don't respect Amanda or whatsoever but because they don't realise the irony of them saying these bullshits.

You people who are giving her sympathy should all be ashamed of yourselves. Instead of pitying a girl who has already committed suicide, how about you go talk to that kid who sits all alone in a corner during recess. But no, you would rather sit with your friends and then come home and go on twitter and say shit like, "Oh how come no one helped poor Amanda. She's so pretty, she didn't deserve to die." You know what? Go crawl back in your shell of safety while the ones who really need help are only an arms length away.

What kind of message does this send to suicidal teens? That if you go ahead and kill yourself, you'll get hundreds and thousands of likes on Facebook, trend worldwide on twitter and everyone will give you attention and feel sorry for you? Instead of talking about Amanda, we should be talking about the ones who were bullied and managed to survive it through all. The success stories. Because that's what gives kids hope - the ones who know what is it like to be in their shoes. The ones who have walked that road before and came out okay.

Before you say that I have never experienced it so I don't know how is it like, at a point in my life, I was bullied as well. People spammed my blog, stepped on my shoes, threw my bag into the bin, went through my belongings - all because "they didn't like my face". Even till today, every now and then, I would receive mean comments on my Formspring but I've learned to ignore or answer them sarcastically. I came out even stronger than before.

To a certain extent, I would even say that it is because of those bullies, that I learned to stamd up for myself. Teachers always tell us that when we're bullied, we should inform them immediately. But how many of us knows someone who does this? It is because of bullies that I learned how to deal with them, and this is something teachers won't teach you.

Not only that, I was also suicidal. Note: I was not suicidal because I was bullied or bullied because I was suicidal. They were two different cases that just happened at the same year. I'll be completely honest here - I have attempted suicide several times and most of the times, I chickened out or my friends caught me in the nick of time. I was depressed and I couldn't see all the positive things around me and everything that I had. All I wanted to do was self-pity and weep my day away.

You know what's the main thing that fuelled my want to kill myself? The fact that I knew people would sympathise with me and mourn for me. The fact that I know people would regret doing the things they did/said to me. This is also the reason why I refuse to even tweet about how Amanda shouldn't be bullied (though I do agree that she's still young and she didn't deserve to die this way). Killing yourself is just the easy way out. If everyone who's being bullied kill themselves, I wonder how many deaths would there be per year.

What I'm trying to bring across is that you can either beat your enemy or lose yourself to your greatest fear. Like what I tweeted the other day, "You'll never lose until you admit that you've lost." You make your own choices everyday and sometimes you forget how in control you really are. Want to stop being bullied? Stand up to them or ignore them (whichever suits your personality more). Want to stop being suicidal? Spend more time with your loved ones and avoid being alone because you tend to over-think when you're alone. Want to stop being depressed? Look around you and appreciate everything that you have now because nothing lasts forever.

Ending this post with a song that I always listen to whenever I feel weak and feel that people are bringing me down.

You, with your switching sides and your walk-by lies and your humiliation
You, have pointed out my flaws again as if I don't already see them
I'll walk with my head down trying to block you out 'cause I'll never impress you
I just wanna feel okay again

I'll bet you got pushed around, somebody made you cold
But the cycle ends right now 'cause you can't lead me down that road
And you don't know what you don't know

Someday I'll be living in a big old city
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
And all you're ever gonna be is mean

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