A few quotes from the newest Netflix release, The End of the F***ing World, reminded me of you. Us. The aberrant yet remarkable feeling we shared that left me curious and cautious, all at the same time. Like Alyssa and James, who each had their own reasons for their actions — perhaps selfish, but definitely genuine. Maybe some would even see them as cries for help.

Episode 1

Alyssa: I get these moments when I have to lie down because everything feels sort of too much. And I look up and see the blue, or the grey, or the black, and I feel myself melting into it. And, for like a split second, I feel free and happy.

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Alyssa: I'm not saying he's the answer, but he's something.

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Alyssa: I kind of think I could fall in love with him.

Episode 2

Alyssa: I’m bad at apologising to people, but sometimes I know I should.

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James: Sometimes I just... Let things happen. Even though I don't want them to. I'm not sure why.

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Alyssa: Do you want me? What? Do you want me, or do you just go along with things?
James: I want you.

Episode 3

Alyssa: Sometimes James feels like a boy I could love. Like really love. Then other times he feels like a total fucking stranger.

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James: As a rule, I didn't dance. But it was hard to say no to Alyssa.

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Alyssa: I thought you said you wanted me.
James: I did.
Alyssa: Liar.
James: I tended not to feel things. For a long time, I was good at it. Good at feeling absolutely nothing. I didn't even have to try. I just, didn't.

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Alyssa: The world is fucking bleak. I guess I try and do things to forget that it is. Keep busy, keep blind. I thought that's what me and James were doing.

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James: Being with Alyssa had started to make me feel things. She made me feel things. And I didn't like it at all.

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James: When her eyes were closed, Alyssa looked a lot less angry.

Episode 4

Alyssa: It's strange. A lot of the time you don't register the important moments in your life as they happen. You only see that they were important when you look back.

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James: I realised that she was scared of me. That felt kind of unfair. I'd been her protector.

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James: That was the day I learned that silence is really loud. Deafening. I think maybe my dad spent his whole life trying to avoid silence. When you have silence, it's hard to keep stuff out. It's all there, and you can't get rid of it. I used to be able to get rid of things, banish them. But I knew after that day, it wouldn't be so easy anymore.

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James: I was never Alyssa's protector. She was mine.

Episode 5

James: I knew she was probably long gone but it seemed important to try.

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Alyssa: He saved me and I left him. I'm never going to see him again and it's my fault.

Episode 6

James: As the hours passed, I realised that I felt different. Sort of new. She'd come back for me. We were really doing something, going somewhere, and it felt good.

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Alyssa: His trust in us is kind of heartbreaking But what are you going to do?

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Alyssa: I think I'm starting to feel a bit more like myself. Sometimes I think I feel more like myself with James than I do on my own.

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Alyssa: Sometimes you realise you've had a thing keeping you going that might be a lie. When you actually really understand that, 'that the whole thing might have been a lie the whole time, it's like you swallowed a stone.

Episode 7

Alyssa: So what do you think of him?
James: (Sometimes it was important to lie.) Yeah, he's all right.
Alyssa: All right?
James: All right like good.
Alyssa: You don't get it.

—

James: Alyssa felt far away from me. It was like we'd gone back.

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James: I can't do it
Alyssa: Are you crying?
James: No.

Episode 8

Alyssa: Normally, I always kiss him first.

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James: Are you OK?
Alyssa: Can I say something? Can we wait? Just for a bit. Like, I don't know, for a few days. Is that OK?
James: Yeah, of course.
Alyssa: I think it is OK. We've got, like, our whole lives.

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Alyssa: It's like we're on the edge of the world. Like we're safe. Only, we're not.

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Alyssa: It's much easier to think someone's the answer if you haven't seen them for years. Because they're not really real. People can't be answers. They're just more questions.

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Alyssa: I love him so much.