Me, an adult? I never imagined myself saying this, until the day I stepped into adulthood. Whatever fantasies I had about having my shit together the moment I turned into an adult proved themselves to be futile. I spent the bulk of my first year at adulthood — trial period, I like to call it — feeling isolated and forsakened, but I soon learned the most comforting fact ever presented to me: most adults don't have their shit together.

Birthdays have always meant a huge deal to me. I cared about who texted first, who sent the longest message, who took the day off for me, who celebrated it with me. Cared, as in, past tense. As if not celebrating my 21st birthday wasn’t a big enough sin, I didn’t even want to do anything for my birthday this year. At least I wanted to club last year. This year, I told my friends let’s just catch up over dinner.

Something about growing up shifts your priority. I realised its not who wanted to spend my birthday with me, but who wants to spend their lives with me. I’m not solely talking about love — I plan to stay single for the rest of 2018 anyway — but the people in my life in general.

My birthday is quickly becoming something I dread. I hate the thought of someone spending a bulk of that day pretending that they care about my life. My birthday is just one day. 24 hours. When my birthday is over, what happens? In reality, the people who fuss over making the day perfect for me are usually not around when I had bad days during any other 364 days of the year.

Watch who’s really there instead of listening to those who claimed they will be because words mean nothing when not accompanied my actions — I guess that’s one of the many things I learned the year I turned 21. For memory’s sake, I compiled a list of 21 hardest lesson I learned during my first year as an adult. Hopefully, they will remain reminders to myself.

也或許戀愛就像是一場的旅行 旅途上總有太多的不確定

A post shared by Yi Tsing 怡靜 (@pekyj) on Jan 9, 2017 at 6:15am PST

1. Some people are temporary. Let it be. Some people hurt you for their pleasure. Let them go.

2. People who understand you best might one day stop replying your messages. You might end up leaving the person you called your home. It’ll hurt but you’ll be okay.

3. There’s nothing wrong with falling in love or getting your heart broken again. You will only regret not trying, and you don’t want to live with regrets. Love even when you’re scared — you can only drive out fear with love. Always love. Always choose love.

4. You don’t always get the answers you want. Move on.

heyyyyyy 🇹🇼 • #letsgetpeking #怡靜一年要去台灣幾次

A post shared by Yi Tsing 怡靜 (@pekyj) on Mar 12, 2017 at 5:19am PDT

5. If you’re thinking of doing something — do it. Leave what makes you unhappy, dump toxic people, book your flights. Just do it.

6. You can’t be happy at present if you’re constantly worried about your future or hung up on your past.

7. Don’t be so quick to grow up. You have many, many years to figure your life out.

8. People break promises. Just because you never break promises doesn’t mean they won’t. Stick to your belief anyway, and never break any promises. People doing you wrong doesn’t give you an excuse to do them wrong.

i was 15 when my first boyfriend promised to bring me to japan, 17 when my second boyfriend promised the same. i turned 21 last week and i finally fulfilled my japan dreams — all by myself, on my first official solo trip. 我想這就是媽媽從小教過我的「靠人，人跑。靠山，山倒。還是靠自己最好」😛 • #letsgetpeking

A post shared by Yi Tsing 怡靜 (@pekyj) on Jan 8, 2017 at 5:27am PST

9. Be your own hero. Learn to be alone and you’ll never need someone else to “save” you. You don’t need someone to love; channel all that love to yourself.

10. Some tears are fake. Learn to differentiate.

11. You’re an adult now, and you will repeat things you hated hearing from an adult. Yes, reading improves your English. Yes, Chinese is important. Yes, you’re not ready to date. Yes, the right one will come when you stop looking for it. The adults were darn right.

12. Things get better. If they don’t, they are about to.

宅男為了接送愛往外跑的姊姊居然出門！！！太感人了 • thank you for being the coolest mom by supporting all my crazy decisions. and thank you lil bro, for covering up for me when mom's not being supportive HAHAHAHHAHAA KIDDING (maybe not 🌚)

A post shared by Yi Tsing 怡靜 (@pekyj) on Jan 21, 2017 at 5:31am PST

13. Your family will always be there for you. Stay close to them.

14. There’s never too early or too late. You follow your own timeline.

15. Some people don’t want to be saved. Don’t beat yourself up, you’re not responsible for someone hell bent on ruining their own lives.

16. Money comes rolling in naturally when you’re not worried about it. Spend when you need to, but live frugally.

travelling solo is mastering the art of being shameless enough to get strangers to take these fake candid shots of you. 💁🏼 #letsgetpeking #怡靜一年要去台灣幾次

A post shared by Yi Tsing 怡靜 (@pekyj) on Oct 11, 2017 at 5:02am PDT

17. Travelling is the best antidote. Make many little trips or one long trip — just get out of this city. Don’t let anyone or anything stop you.

18. Live for yourself, not the expectation of others. If you’re disappointed, let it be because of your own expectations, not because you didn’t live up to the expectations of another. You’re in charge of your own happiness.

19. Be kind. Everyone is fighting their own tough battle. Be kind when you can; be kind especially when you can’t. But never let anyone take advantage of your kindness.

20. If it sounds too good to be true, it is.

winters are brutal and unforgiving — that's why it's my favourite season ❄️ #letsgetpeking

A post shared by Yi Tsing 怡靜 (@pekyj) on Apr 17, 2017 at 5:53am PDT

21. Let go of things that aren’t meant to be. You can find beauty in impermanence.