Still as sick.

September 06, 2014

Hi everyone. I'm back but definitely not feeling better. Sigh, it's been a roller coaster ride and I'm writing this with tears threatening to leave my eyes any moment. I don't think I have ever been this sick in my life and I guess maybe I should give an explanation of what happened and how sick I really am.

I have been having fever for almost two weeks now and it didn't bother me initially because I always fall sick when I'm stressed. And my fever started about one day before my first paper so I wasn't too worried about it. Then I sort of recover but because I cried so much during my breakdown, my fever came back.

One day I woke up with a horrible sore throat. It was so bad I couldn't open my mouth. That night, I visited the doctor who gave me some medication. It didn't help; my throat got worse and my fever never went away. My sore throat was so bad that strepsils and the sore throat medication given to me had absolutely no effects at all.

Two days later, my neck got so swollen it was as if I didn't have a neck anymore. I visited the same doctor again who gave me stronger medication. At this point, I was taking about 7-8 types of medication already. I also took an injection that was supposed to stop my fever but nothing was helping.

I got really frustrated because I felt that this doctor wasn't taking me seriously at all. I was so sick I couldn't stand up properly and I couldn't even move my head anymore because my throat hurt too much yet every time I visit him, he's only interested in asking how are my family members doing and making some irrelevant lame jokes. Wtf.

He didn't even bother checking my throat despite me emphasizing on how much my throat is hurting me, and he never listened to what I was saying - apparent from the way he asks questions I have already answered.

So anyway, the next day I couldn't take it anymore because I was suffering horribly so I went to another doctor. This doctor immediately told me what's wrong with me and it was what we suspected all along - throat infection. My previous doctor told us it might be a case of dengue fever wtf?!?!?!? I really wonder how the fuck did he get his degree.

Anyway, the new doctor told me my throat is already at such a bad stage that it's swollen all over and the hole between my lungs was barely there. Whatever it was (ugh, medical terms) has swell so much that it was completely white with bacterial already. I had to get syrup medications because he said at this point, I can no longer swallow tablets (fuck yes, because I can't swallow tablets from the start lolol).

The doctor told me to not hold high hopes about recovering anytime soon because I was in such a bad condition. So I returned home, took my medications and FELT IMMEDIATELY BETTER. There was no trace of pain anymore. It was a miracle!!! I quickly started eating bread because I have been eating nothing but porridge and liquid food for the past few days and I was turning weak.

But when I woke up the next day, the pain was back. Just slightly, and still tolerable. I continued taking my medications but it only got worse as the days passed by. I have no idea why. Today has been horrible thus far and I'm back to not being able to talk at all. I can't even shake my head or nod anymore.

I have to return to the doctor tomorrow and I feel terrible. My mom has already spent almost $200 on my medical bills already. I feel so weak and useless. Like, why am I wasting her hard-earned money on something stupid like this. Why can't I just fucking get well??? The worst thing is that I haven't recovered at all and if it doesn't go well, I might have to get hospitalized...

So yeah, that explains my excessive complaining on Twitter, which I know can get annoying but I just really want to rant. I would appreciate it very much if people stop leaving mean comments for me at a time like this.

Whoever you are, your comment was so fucking insensitive and unnecessary. If you think you are funny, I'm sorry but you are NOT. Now fuck off.

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