It never rains but it pours

July 18, 2015

Hell month is here again with the endless submissions, tests, presentations whatsoever. As usual, when it comes to me, bad things don't just happen once in a while - they hit me like a wrecking ball all at once. It seems like everyday, someone just has to ruin life for me. I dread waking up every morning because I don't know what's going to hit me and I'm tired of acting like I don't care when I do. I'm sick of pretending I'm fine with everything and life is just a bed of roses when it's more like piles of shit. 

The past weeks has been dreadful due to several events happening over July. They leave behind an unpleasant taste in my mouth that I haven't been able to get rid of since. I haven't felt this way in a long time and it sucks that I can't talk to the person involved. It drives me to the edge that I'm unable to talk about it because I know nothing can be solved this way but sometimes I just wonder if some words are really better left unsaid...? I used to be so sure to say whatever I feel in an outright manner so that I don't have to hide my feelings but now I'm not sure anymore.

Anyhow, I'm glad my friends have been my pillar of strength, giving me difficulties keeping a straight face in class, encouraging me and keeping me sane :') Even though I know I'm being super spiteful towards people who intentionally hurt me, these friends are the ones who stayed to support me, laugh with me and occasionally remind me I'm being too extreme. I wish I could post screenshots of what we talk about but that would just get me into trouble so I'm not gonna do that. Lol.

In a way, I'm also thankful for the upcoming hell weeks because at least school will keep me distracted as it always does when I'm upset. Looking at the upcoming projects, I can only say despite how terrible I'm feeling deep inside, I know I'm really blessed. To be able to study what I love, to even enjoy what I'm doing when I'm drowning in my work. I've never experienced anything more satisfying than what I'm doing right now.

I'm busy and unhappy.
But that's okay.
Because I'll be okay.

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