True friends are hard to find, difficult to leave and impossible to forget.

December 08, 2011

Sometimes we put up walls not to keep people away,
But to see who cares enough to break it down.

Alright, so quite a number of people have been asking me what happened between my clique last year and me. It has been a long time since this incident happened but there's lots of stories of it going on and I don't want anymore speculation so I'm here to clear all air. I will be as honest as possible.

Disclaimer: My intention of writing this post was never to look for trouble. I'm so damn tired of people judging me, judging the situation when they know no shit about what happened. Names have been omitted to protect the identities of those people I'm talking about.

I don't know where should I start either. Maybe I'll go back all the way to the secondary 2 camp last year. We were being posted to new classes, according to our results last year. I wasn't so socially awkward last year so I made friends with most people easily but I stuck by my best friend, Yy, then. Slowly, she started making new friends too. And partly because of this, we drifted. Another reason that we drifted was because her parents would fetch her after school and I'll be hanging out with my new friends other than her.

"Friendship is delicate as a glass, once broken it can be fixed but there will always be cracks."

Despite everything, I went recess with her new friends and eventually after four months or so, we got along well and became a clique. There was a minor quarrel last year. It was between the three of us and Yy. I can vaguely remember that it was about Yy going to the extreme to flirt with the crush of a girl in our clique, Xy. I remember the I wasn't around on the day that the quarrel started since I went home early because of a bad stomach cramp. I met Xy and V for lunch and they filled me in on the details. The next day, we did not talk to Yy at all and she went home early. But everything was resolved and it went back to normal, though we all have slightly drifted from Yy. I would not deny that we had fun together and my secondary two life was by far the best year in my secondary school life. Of course, my super hyper class then contributed to it as well. A small shout out to those in 2E3'10, I love you guys! ^^

"A friend is a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen, and a heart to comfort."

Sidetracking a bit. I may be a little petty to be saying this again even after almost a year but I'm pretty sure everyone knows birthdays have always meant a huge deal to me. It's evident from the way I help the clique celebrate their birthdays that I would appreciate it if they do the same for me. But on my birthday, all I got was a whole lot of excuses and a promise that we would celebrate it on a later date (a promise that was never fulfilled). Yup, that's what happened to me after I planned surprises, stayed up all night to make scrapbooks for them.

"Guys kick friendship around like a football and it doesn't seem to crack. Girls treat it like glass and it falls to pieces."

Back to the story. Due to streaming, we were all posted to different classes this year. But every morning, we would gather at Yy's class to chat and catch up. Another girl from my class, Zy, joined us too. Then Z (a.k.a. Stinkyboy, to those who follow me on twitter) came into my life. Before that, Z and I were best friends that texted everyday, as far as I can remember. My memory hasn't been that good recently. Z is not someone new, and he has been my someone I can confide in since Secondary one (I'll leave this story to another day). But this time, he came and stayed in my life. I started spending more time with Z, and lesser time with the clique. We still go recess and eat lunch together, but outside of school, we don't meet much anymore. We stopped texting that often too because I was always busy with Z. According to Yy, I don't even text her anymore when I'm out with Z, which I admit, is quite true. But it's not as if I don't bother to try to make conversation at all.

"Sometimes your closest friend is your greatest enemy."

At that time, we were very much into letter writing, since we couldn't gossip anymore in class. At one point in time, we all (the rest of the clique) thought that Yy has changed into someone who's super cocky, and egoistic. I still have the letter V wrote to me bitching about Yy.

Gradually, our friendship deteriorated. I admit that I started bitching about Yy to other people and eventually a sneaky snake in the grass told Yy about it and we stopped hanging out since then. V and Xy stuck with Yy, despite the things they said about her while Zy stood by my side. Yes, Yy has been a very good best friend all those while but what about those times that I was treated like a crappy friend?

"It's really amazing when two strangers become the best of friends, but its really sad when the best of friends become two strangers."

To those who are wondering, yes, I would have had apologized if Yy confronted me or asked for an explanation because I know that it's partly my fault for bitching about her behind her back. I mean, come on! We all know that's not cool, right? But nope, instead she gave me dirty looks whenever she walked past me. Looks that practically scream in my face, "Look bitch! I'm better of without you now that I have a bunch of friends and you're still stuck in a small clique." And no, I'm not being over-sensitive. Anyone with eyes could see that. This led to another conflict but that's another story (which I might post about, depending on the respond I get on this post).

"I've learned that things change, people change, and it doesn't mean you forget the past or try to cover it up. It simply means you move on and treasure the memories."

Those who know me well would know that friends play a big part in my life and they were always of utmost importance to me. If I am wrong, or sometimes even if I'm not wrong, I would apologize. I have always told myself that friends come before pride. But the fact that I did not apologize this time round really shows something, doesn't it? I know I might have sounded arrogant and perhaps even a little of a stuck-up diva but this is a 100% honest account of how I feel. I had given in the best I've got in the friendship and there were good times. I don't regret.

"As we grow older, things must change, but they don't always have to end. Even though it is different now, you will always be my friend."

To those who called me a backstabber, think about it. Who's the real backstabber? Who's the two-faced one? It's up to you guys to decide. This episode is over and this is my side of the story. I don't care what their side of the story is because I've buried the hatchet and moved on. And I believe they have too.
A true friend is someone who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success.

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