An email to the future.

May 19, 2014

A couple of days back, I received a very strange and unexpected email. The title read "A letter from May 17th, 2013‏." I opened it thinking it's just another junk mail; never did I expect that it would actually bring me to a trip down memory lane.

Apparently, it was a letter I wrote to myself exactly a year ago. I cannot even remember how did I stumble upon this website that allows users to send their future selves emails. I vaguely remember being skeptical about this website because a year's pretty long when it comes to digital media so I wasn't even sure if it really works. I probably decided to give it a shot because I've nothing to lose anyway.

I honestly can't remember what happened that day because it doesn't matter to me anymore. I'm really quite surprised because I'm quite a hoarder and I remember the most insignificant memories, but I don't even have one bit of memory left about that day.

This email lingered in my mind for a day before I finally went to my archives and tried to figure out what was I upset about. It was then that I was linked to this post I wrote a year back. Memories became flooding back - I remembering being a mess; I knew things wouldn't last between my ex-boyfriend and me but I wasn't willing to give up yet.

Things eventually ended between us which was obviously for the better. Back then, I thought I would never be able to forget him and I was vengeful because I hated him for the lies he told me. Somehow, along the journey, I stopped hating him and the things he did. I came to terms with the fact that we weren't meant to be. I learned to find peace within myself and forgave him.

Today, I still don't think I will ever forget him but I learned that there's a difference between forgetting and moving on. I won't forget him the same way I won't forget the friends I used to be so close to, but he no longer holds a special place in my heart. Instead of looking back to the past all the time, I've learned to let go and look forward.

I'm so glad I'm a much happier person than I was at that time, but this email made me think a lot. It made me reflect. My ex-boyfriend changed my life in ways more than one but one of the things he said that left the biggest impact on me was,

"There was a time when I met a girl of a different kind."

I don't know why did it leave just a big impact on me, but it did. Maybe because deep down, I knew it's true. That I grew up, met new people and my expectations changed. That I stopped trying to be a good girlfriend, stopped being faithful. That I started lying and even I no longer knew who I was. That I opened my eyes and stopped living in a fairytale.

Yet it's funny how easily I put that episode at the back of my mind, and how satisfied I am right now with my life. A year ago, I wouldn't thought I could be this contented, this idyllic. I guess it just goes to show that things may not be as bad as we think they are. Maybe the things I see as significant now wouldn't even mean a thing to me one year on. Maybe I should spend me time wisely on the things that really count.

And maybe, just maybe I should write another email to my future self to remind myself of how lucky I am to be with my boyfriend whom I thought was perfect for me from the start and that I should never take such a amazing guy for granted. :-)

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