The past and the future.

June 13, 2013

Dear 14-year-old me,

I know you are feeling upset now, spending your 14th birthday alone. But this year will be the best year of your life (so far anyway hahaha). You are feeling scared over the first day of school, aren't you? Don't worry, you'll meet two great form/co-form teachers. You won't like your form teacher at first, but towards the end of the year, you'll realise how much he cares for the class. In fact, you will keep in touch with him all the way till graduation. I know, graduation seems so far away, but that day will come.

You hate the school rules; you get into trouble way too much, you skip lessons, you get suspended, you quarrel with countless teachers. You can't wait to graduate now, but when you leave the school two years later, you're gonna miss that place.

This year, you'll meet your first love, your first real boyfriend. His name is Jinyee. He'll tell you how much he loves you but you don't feel it, so you break up with him three months later, only to want him back again wtf. He doesn't come back, and you act like you're okay with it. You go on to dating other guys, but deep down, you still love him and you cry yourself to sleep. This, along with other things, caused you to slip into depression. You're probably thinking "what the fuck, I thought you said 2010 will be the best year of my life?!" but give me a chance to explain.

2010 will be an emotional roller coaster ride for you, but you will get through it. At the starting of the year, you won't be able to adapt well. But as the year goes on, you love your class so much for how hyper everyone is and their team spirit. 2E3'10 will eventually feel like family and your classroom will feel like a home. You'll make lots of new friends this year, get close to many of them, and you'll have a clique of friends you spend most of your time with. However, here's an advice from the 17-year-old you: do not trust just anybody that you don't know that well. I can't tell you too much, that'll spoil the surprise but things will turn out fine eventually. No matter how upset you feel, just remember that your friends will always be there for you. Do not take them for granted though - they will not be there forever. I'm not gonna spoil it for you though, you'll have to grow up and find out. One thing for sure is that you gotta stop being so willful.

You will discover a 16-year-old teenager living his dream this year. His name is Justin Bieber. You won't like him at first, but he ends up being the one saving your life. I know that it sounds ridiculous. How can he save your life when he doesn't even know of your existence? But in a strange way, you know that he cares for every of his Beliebers. Justin will become a big part of your life and he'll be your inspiration, the reason you are strong. You are thinking of giving up blogging because of all the anonymous hate you get, but this Bieber kid will show you that you are bigger than all the haters out there. By 17-year-old, you become so thick-skinned that you are able to make fun of your own flaws all the time (wtf) and hate comments don't get to you anymore. Oh yes, before I forget, on 8 September 2010, Justin Bieber will follow you on Twitter ;-)

From secondary 1, you were already close to a boy. His name is ZhengLei, right? Well guess what? At the end of your secondary 2 year, you'll get even closer to him and you guys will have a great two years ahead. You will love a love that's so true, it scares you. Just remember to not lose yourself though. Your first kiss will be at the most unromantic place but you guys will never be a romantic or mushy couple anyway. Somehow you make each other happy. You'll do the silliest things with him and you will get really comfortable with each other. However, due to O Levels and work, you talk lesser and the conversations between you guys became stale. Both of you ended things amicably in the end. You still miss him though. I'm not very sure what happens to him in the end. That, you better ask the 21-year-old Regine.

Friends are of utmost priority to you now but don't neglect your studies. You love English Literature, don't you? If you don't work hard now, you will not be able to take English Literature in your upper secondary years. I know that whatever I say now will probably fall on deaf ears but I guess I should at least give you a warning. You always knew that you want to write in the future, don't you? You'll do some research and find out what you want to do in Polytechnic. You'll also realise that it is impossible for you to get into your dream course, Mass Communication in Ngee Ann Polytechnic, because the cut-off point of that course is 10 freaking points. But you know what they say, everything is possible as long as you believe ;-)

Don't worry about failing your Sciences. You're not a stupid or lousy student, and I'm sure you know it - you're just bad at Science. In fact, you never got better at it, but it doesn't matter because you didn't take the Science papers during O Levels anyway. You would have never thought that the school would allow you to make such a decision but the school and the teachers, after you reasoned it out with them, supported you. But, errrr, your Maths certainly needs some improvement. There's no way that you can escape Maths. It's okay though, you'll end up liking Maths and eventually it will be your best subject (yes, even better than English wtf). You'll score only average for your O Levels and you'll cry for the whole day but remember a teacher once told you that you'll get to where you want to be, albeit by a different route? It sounds like a lousy way to try to console you but miracles do happen. More about that later.

Meanwhile, continue to write on your blog because if you stop for a long while, you'll lose touch with writing. It will be this blog, along with your Twitter, that help you land a spot in your dream course. You don't know about it now, but there's such thing as JPSAE. It is through the JPSAE interview that you realised who are your true friends and as if that's not enough, you got offered a spot in your dream course! Don't be too troubled with what you said during the interview about being a bad student in secondary school or skipping CCA to have fun. It's good to be honest.

You have strong faith in God now but by the time you turn 16, you'll become skeptical about your religion. Your faith will be wavering. You don't know what to believe in anymore, except for yourself. That's because you found the secret to happiness and you stop relying on asking God for everything. I don't know if you'll believe in God again. We'll have to wait for the 21-year-old Regine to tell us this.

There's a lot to expect and look forward to so believe me when I tell you that your first break up and not getting the subjects you wanted is not the end of your life. Sure, you can be sad about it but get up and move on. I don't want to give you too much advice on what you should or shouldn't do because I believe that the only way you'll learn is through mistakes but I've already spoiled it quite a bit for you by telling you what expect.

In any case, enjoy your last few years in secondary school. I hope you like hearing how your secondary school life has come and gone. I'll tell you more when I hit 21.

Love,
17-year-old you

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