I like seeing you smile.

September 08, 2013

I'm sorry that I haven't been updating lately. I've been feeling moody recently. I can't explain what's happening in my life either but I just really don't feel like talking to anyone. I've somewhat forgotten how to put my feelings into words but writing has always been a way for me to vent my frustrations so here goes...

This is a rather personal post and I WILL take offence if you choose to leave nasty comments on my ask.fm; if you don't have anything nice to say, please don't say anything at all. For those who follow me on twitter (if you haven't, then do so now ಠ_ಠ), you should know that I recently developed feelings for another guy in my life. I do like him a whole lot but I'm not so sure if it's love yet... Besides, I'm keeping my guards up because I'm afraid of getting hurt again. I spent nights in denial because I'm afraid of falling in love again. I still believe in love but I no longer believe that relationships this age can last long.

But what I can't deny is that he makes me really happy; even my mom notices the change in my mood whenever we talk on the phone / go out together. And to be brutally honest, I never felt like this, even in my last relationship. We say all sorts of things to each other, mostly to annoy and insult each other, and it has been this way since the start of our friendship. It's the dumbest things we say sometimes that make each other laugh. We make each other laugh a lot and as corny as this may sound, his laugh is the best sound I have ever heard.

I actually realised my feelings for him a little before he enlisted for NS. We were good friends throughout and we got along really well but after his enlistment a few weeks ago, we started becoming closer. I am still unsure of his feelings towards me, which is why I've been avoiding some ask.fm questions :X I really have no idea how can I explain this situation either - I don't think we're just friends because of the things we do/say (not gonna elaborate because it's kinda too personal) and I guess we are more than friends now but I can't say so for sure. I don't wanna hold my hopes up too high when nothing's confirmed.

Well, over the years, I started to self-censor as more people read my blog and I don't know how long will this post stay up on my blog actually. Who knows, this entry might just be deleted by tomorrow. Or it might just stay up here forever.

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