Left me crashing in a blazing fall.

April 11, 2014

We were never the best combination of friends from the beginning. You are friendly, loud, outgoing, extroverted. You are a people-person and people love you wherever you go. You are opinionated, and never afraid to voice out. You are confident and not afraid to make a fool of yourself. You never had a lack of friends.

Me? I'm the shadow of you. I'm shy and quiet around people I'm not close to. As an introvert, I rather keep to myself. I'm insecure about practically everything. I'm uptight, and I have a problem making friends. It's funny how we managed to get along so well, isn't it?

We had everything going and our friendship felt so right, no matter how different we were. I even believed that opposites truly attract. Yet, one thing happened after another and we are no longer as close as we used to be. I'm not sure if you felt it, but I certainly did.

“Don't you ever say
I just walked away.”

I tried reconnecting with you, tried to ask you more about your new life, tried to understand it as much as possible. While I am thankful that you try to keep me updated as much as possible, it saddens me to know that I don't fit in your life anymore.

I never thought much about it, and always brushed it aside by telling myself you're just busy. But now I see. Today, as I struggle to find a topic to talk to you on Whatsapp, I wonder to myself what changed. Maybe it's because I got too focused on the little things in life happening in my life that I neglected you for a couple of months. Maybe it's because you have found new people in your life that you click better with. Maybe it's the differences between the both of us finally pulling us apart.

“I never meant to start a war,
I just wanted you to let me in.”

It's really depressing to know that someone whom I used to not be able to live a day without talking to can just become someone so distant. That our endless conversations would eventually lead to these one word replies. I just can't get over the fact that you simply got over our friendship. That if you could, anyone else could too. I feel so empty, so vacant. There's a void in my heart from the space you used to occupy.

“Instead of using force,
I guess I should have let you win.

How did we end up like this? We used to spam each other with messages to the point of our phones lagging but today, as I try time and again to start a topic, your answers are short but not sweet. I get one word replies so often and you blow me off so much when before, we could talk and joke about everything under the sun.

As I maneuver my mouse to the 'Publish' button, I let one last tear slid down my cheeks that are extremely wet by now. The pain of losing someone whom I place so much trust in is indescribable. I still keep our photos in my wallet, hoping one day we'll be the same.

Goodbye. Goodbye now.
Nothing can replace what we shared,
No one can ever take your place,
But I guess we all have to bid farewell someday.
I love you.

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