Our place: why I grew to love sunsets after you left

September 30, 2016

Gold Coast, 2016

How strange was it that the world is ignorant to your heartbreak, you wondered. How can the sun continue rising when it felt like your life's over? THE place. Your place with him. How can you step into that place again without being reminded of him? There's no need to mention where because a location pops up in your mind instantly. That special place that meant something to the both of you.

You visit the place the first time after your break up. You feel dread crawling its way up your throat. The thumping feeling in your heart reaches your head, making the pain nearly impossible to ignore. You take a deep breath, then a few more. You step in and take the first glance around since that day. Everything's the same except a few changes here and there. The only difference is that you're alone this time, without a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean on.

The second time you're there, you find more gradual changes to that place. Perhaps they renovated a part of the place when you were staying away or maybe the shops you frequented shut down. Your heart wrenches a little at the reconstructions — a painful reminder that change is the only constant in life.

The third, fourth, fifth time you roam the place on your own, you discover that you can do this after all. You still remember the little things you did with him in that place and you'll always have a soft spot for him, but you know that in order to grow, you need to let go of things that don't belong to you.

Eventually, you stop counting because it's part of letting go. You've been to that place so many times you lose count. Of course, that place doesn't lose its special spot in your heart but you now can go there without the swelling feeling at the back of your throat. Without feeling like your heart's being ripped apart. Without feeling like the world has abandoned you.

After several heartbreaks, you learn that the world doesn't care whether or not your heart is shattered and neither does the sun. Earth continues spinning and the sun continues setting. But when the sun sets, you realise that sunsets are reminders from Mother Nature that endings can be beautiful too.

And this, is why there's nothing I love more than watching sunsets.

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