The war has finally ended and I am out alive and well. I’m glad that I’m free once again because I can now use the Internet without feeling guilty (um, yes, it means I’ve been using my laptop and the guilt didn’t stop me). I don’t know if I’m just tired or already am growing into an old woman because all I wanted to do after my papers was to rush home to sleep instead of partying.

It feels weird though, because I’m the only one who ended so early (since I dropped Science) and everyone else is still having examinations so I can’t disturb them :(. Also, I’m worried about the boyfriend’s POA examinations this coming Monday but I believe that he has the ability to do well.

The other day, the boyfriend came all the way to Marine Parade to deliver my DNT textbook to me because I left it at his house last year (yes, I survived a whole year without textbook - don’t ask how). As usual, I was really touched by this small gesture. We went for dinner together and we had so much fun just talking about things not related to studies. It has been a while since I had so much fun with him because the only time we ever meet for the past few weeks, or even months, are during tuition or on examinations date. I really miss the feeling of not having to worry about anything in the world so much. I hope the boyfriend’s exams end soon so that we can go watch a movie together!

Anyway, I’m really excited for the upcoming week! For one, the boyfriend’s exams are finally ending. But most importantly, I’m going to bleach + dip-dye my hair pink(!!!) with Chrislyn, and do some catching up with her! It has been a long while, almost two years, since we last hung out. I’m definitely going to post pictures of my pink hair, so stay tuned!

The war has finally ended and I am out alive and well. I’m glad that I’m free once again because I can now use the Internet without feeling guilty (um, yes, it means I’ve been using my laptop and the guilt didn’t stop me). I don’t know if I’m just tired or already am growing into an old woman because all I wanted to do after my papers was to rush home to sleep instead of partying.

It feels weird though, because I’m the only one who ended so early (since I dropped Science) and everyone else is still having examinations so I can’t disturb them :(. Also, I’m worried about the boyfriend’s POA examinations this coming Monday but I believe that he has the ability to do well.

The other day, the boyfriend came all the way to Marine Parade to deliver my DNT textbook to me because I left it at his house last year (yes, I survived a whole year without textbook - don’t ask how). As usual, I was really touched by this small gesture. We went for dinner together and we had so much fun just talking about things not related to studies. It has been a while since I had so much fun with him because the only time we ever meet for the past few weeks, or even months, are during tuition or on examinations date. I really miss the feeling of not having to worry about anything in the world so much. I hope the boyfriend’s exams end soon so that we can go watch a movie together!

Anyway, I’m really excited for the upcoming week! For one, the boyfriend’s exams are finally ending. But most importantly, I’m going to bleach + dip-dye my hair pink(!!!) with Chrislyn, and do some catching up with her! It has been a long while, almost two years, since we last hung out. I’m definitely going to post pictures of my pink hair, so stay tuned!

Despite everything that went spiraling downwards - how many times I tried and failed, took a step and got pushed back two, found myself lost and afraid - I got stronger.

No giving up, never.

Guess what (or rather, who) was trending on Twitter the whole week? The hot topic of the week is Amanda Todd. For those who're still unaware, Amanda was on an online chat-room where she sent a picture of her boobs to a stranger who then circulated it. Apparently because of this, Amanda experience anxiety, major depression and panic disorder which ended up with her moving house, switching school and abusing alcohol and drugs.

A year later, the stranger emerged again, with a Facebook page/profile of her pictures. She was once again, teased and bullied so she changed school again. She became happier and hung out with this guy who was older than her. The guy then invited her to his house and they had sex while the guy's girlfriend went overseas. When his girlfriend came back, Amanda was cornered in school and was assaulted by the guy's girlfriend and her clique. They also hauled insults at her.

Following this incident, she returned home and tried to kill herself by drinking bleach. She was rushed to the hospital in time and survived. Now, you think that those bullies would stop by now but no, when Amanda returned home, she saw even more abusive messages written on social networks about her attempted suicide. Her family tried to start anew by moving away but six months later, the messages still kept on coming. Finally, when she couldn't stand it anymore, she killed herself, successfully this time round. (Source: Wikipedia)

I don't know how this became known worldwide because people attempt suicide and pass away everyday but that's not the point. Everyday I login to Instagram/Twitter/Facebook and I see people saying things like "R.I.P. Amanda Todd, you were so beautiful, those who bullied you deserve to die." It makes me so sick and disgusted, not because I don't respect Amanda or whatsoever but because they don't realise the irony of them saying these bullshits.

You people who are giving her sympathy should all be ashamed of yourselves. Instead of pitying a girl who has already committed suicide, how about you go talk to that kid who sits all alone in a corner during recess. But no, you would rather sit with your friends and then come home and go on twitter and say shit like, "Oh how come no one helped poor Amanda. She's so pretty, she didn't deserve to die." You know what? Go crawl back in your shell of safety while the ones who really need help are only an arms length away.

What kind of message does this send to suicidal teens? That if you go ahead and kill yourself, you'll get hundreds and thousands of likes on Facebook, trend worldwide on twitter and everyone will give you attention and feel sorry for you? Instead of talking about Amanda, we should be talking about the ones who were bullied and managed to survive it through all. The success stories. Because that's what gives kids hope - the ones who know what is it like to be in their shoes. The ones who have walked that road before and came out okay.

Before you say that I have never experienced it so I don't know how is it like, at a point in my life, I was bullied as well. People spammed my blog, stepped on my shoes, threw my bag into the bin, went through my belongings - all because "they didn't like my face". Even till today, every now and then, I would receive mean comments on my Formspring but I've learned to ignore or answer them sarcastically. I came out even stronger than before.

To a certain extent, I would even say that it is because of those bullies, that I learned to stamd up for myself. Teachers always tell us that when we're bullied, we should inform them immediately. But how many of us knows someone who does this? It is because of bullies that I learned how to deal with them, and this is something teachers won't teach you.

Not only that, I was also suicidal. Note: I was not suicidal because I was bullied or bullied because I was suicidal. They were two different cases that just happened at the same year. I'll be completely honest here - I have attempted suicide several times and most of the times, I chickened out or my friends caught me in the nick of time. I was depressed and I couldn't see all the positive things around me and everything that I had. All I wanted to do was self-pity and weep my day away.

You know what's the main thing that fuelled my want to kill myself? The fact that I knew people would sympathise with me and mourn for me. The fact that I know people would regret doing the things they did/said to me. This is also the reason why I refuse to even tweet about how Amanda shouldn't be bullied (though I do agree that she's still young and she didn't deserve to die this way). Killing yourself is just the easy way out. If everyone who's being bullied kill themselves, I wonder how many deaths would there be per year.

What I'm trying to bring across is that you can either beat your enemy or lose yourself to your greatest fear. Like what I tweeted the other day, "You'll never lose until you admit that you've lost." You make your own choices everyday and sometimes you forget how in control you really are. Want to stop being bullied? Stand up to them or ignore them (whichever suits your personality more). Want to stop being suicidal? Spend more time with your loved ones and avoid being alone because you tend to over-think when you're alone. Want to stop being depressed? Look around you and appreciate everything that you have now because nothing lasts forever.

Ending this post with a song that I always listen to whenever I feel weak and feel that people are bringing me down.

You, with your switching sides and your walk-by lies and your humiliation
You, have pointed out my flaws again as if I don't already see them
I'll walk with my head down trying to block you out 'cause I'll never impress you
I just wanna feel okay again

I'll bet you got pushed around, somebody made you cold
But the cycle ends right now 'cause you can't lead me down that road
And you don't know what you don't know

Someday I'll be living in a big old city
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
And all you're ever gonna be is mean

After 4 years in Greendale Secondary, we've finally graduated. In a blink of an eye, it's over. A month ago, I was looking forward to graduation day as it's a day for us to relax and forget about O Levels for a few hours. But today, as I sit before my laptop watching the video I made hours before, memories come flooding back to me.

Throughout these four years, I've learnt things that can't be taught during lesson time. I've learnt the importance of cherishing people around you. I've learnt to not give up on myself, even when other people told me I can't do this or that. I've learnt to believe in myself and in my own abilities, which is actually the motto of my class this year. These memories, good or bad, would remain in my heart.

I've watched many people change in this four years, be it for the better or for the worse. I've made great friends along the way, lost some, and eventually recovered some friendships as well. Tears were shed along the way, but there were definitely more laughter than tears.

I don't know what the future holds but all I know is that I'm so excited for post-secondary school life since it means new school, new environment and new things to discover. Yet ironically, I don't wanna bid the old stuffs. I miss my old school, the old environment which I spent four years at, and the people in there, so deeply etched in my memory as I grow up.

I don't remember much of my Sec 1 life, only that I was so afraid of school at the start. Moving on to Sec 2,  I met wonderful friends and classmates, and honestly Sec 2 life still lives in me till now. Sec 3 was okay, I guess. Friendships with my best friends were fucked over because of one small misunderstanding but I made new friends eventually and I got together with Z. Sec 4 was meant for mere mugging and mugging and mugging, no time for fun, laughter and bonding time. Yet, this was the year when my class bonded more and helped each other out. We had lots of laughter and gossip sessions. Overall, I had lots of fun in GDLSS, undergoing the process of growing up, meeting people, accepting the fact that friends come and go. 

I wanna thank the people who played a part in my life to make a difference. It would take me far too long to name each and everyone of them but still, I would like to thank you guys for being with me even though it might be at a different phase of my life. Things wouldn't been the same if not for all of your presence, molding things the way it is now.

Last but not least, my beloved bby. If not for him for all these while, I wouldn't be here. He has always given me the support I needed, encouraging me when I felt down and being there to give me a hug when I need it.

This year round, I've gone through far too much that words can't express. Lots of memories, sweet, bitter, sour ones. Be it whatever they did, whoever they were, they helped me to be who I am now, teaching me the life values, build up my character and emphasized my moral values and principles.

Indeed, I served, led, and excelled.

---

GRADUATION DAY 2012.

So I arrived with Benedict earlier so as to rehearse walking into the hall O.O It sounds weird and dumb but it was really complicated and I was soooooo stressed because we all know how much of a clumsy person I am. We then gathered the class and made them line up in two rows. It was kind of tiring as I am rather vertically challenged and I had to keep on jumping so that they could see where am I. On a side note, I've always wanted to stand at a particular place and just keep on calling out to a particular group like a tour guide would. I accomplished it today LOLOL.



 



After we walked in to the hall and sat down (no embarrassing moments of me tripping over my own leg thankfully), the performances began. I don't have pictures of it because as I've said, I'm short and apparently, the organisers didn't think of all the shorties when they planned this seating arrangement. Short people problems. But I enjoyed myself thoroughly and was on a verge of crying almost the whole time :'(. Yes, I am a crybaby.


Tingyi being shy because her video was on screen and Jacinta being photogenic, as always.


The class chairpersons and vice-chairpersons had to go up on the stage to lead the school song!

We got out from the hall, hi-fiving lots of teachers on the way (great feeling- I felt like a superstar) and proceeded to the canteen for some food.



Tingyi and me being super amused over something which I totally forgot O.O


The Vice-Principal came over to took photos with us!


He went "Cheeseeeeeeee" when we took this photo! So funny :'D




We bought a cake to celebrate our graduation and coincidentally, Mr Halim's birthday is approaching so we sang a birthday song for him!


Despite being cheap, the cake was SUPER MAJOR YUMS!




Mildred, my friend for four years, who towers over Zhiyun and me TToTT














Joycelyn was sleeping so soundly we couldn't wake her up to take photos with us so we ended up doing this LOLOL.




Gifts received today!


From our FT and CFT, Mr Halim and Ms Yue respectively. Each gift has a special meaning behind it. Like awwwww ♡


The thumb drive, meant to contain our Secondary School memories. Mine was actually Angry Bird but people around me were all shouting to me that Minyi has a Hello Kitty so I ran over to her and asked if she could exchange with me. After the exchange, I got so excited, I jumped up and did a yell, which attracted the stares of many people. Sighs, when will I ever grow up?


Ferrero Rocher (I can't spell this shit right even if it costs my life) from Jacinta.




Compass from the school and a note from Mr Halim. I was complaining about how they didn't bother to photoshop away my pimples TT^TT But still, it's one of my best EZ-Link card photos everrrrrr so I don't really have much to complain about.


Hello Kitty pen in Hello Kitty plastic bag with a pink card from Mildred! She's so nice I swear :') What have I done to deserve friends and teachers like these? By the way, do check out Mildred's blog (click!) - she just started blogging and she writes really really well. You just have to check out her blog!!!


Our traditional/inside joke JA pose that got cut off :(


Our mini "clique". ♡ ♡ ♡


Class photo with those who were still around! ♡


I've known all of these guys for at least 4 years and they were always there to comfort me, text me when I'm sad, and give me advices no matter how stupid the advices may sound. ♡

4E5'2012, we made it!

Well, all of you have received cards/notes from me and I hope all of you have read it.
Those cards/notes contains what I really really want to tell you guys.
And also, I hope that all of us would be able to move on to tertiary education after this.
We may be the tail-end express class, but that doesn't determine our results.
That doesn't mean that we can't do well. Because WE CAN.
Believe in yourselves. Work hard and be positive.
I love you guys so much. X♡X♡

I no longer know how to talk to you.
Will you talk to me?

I've been contemplating to drop Combined Science for O Levels since months ago, when my tuition teacher suggested it to one of my friends. Science has been my weakest subject since I was P6 and gradually, I lost interest in it. No matter how hard I tried, I just cannot remember the things that I need to memorise. I catch on pretty quickly, but forget them just as fast. I dislike how dry the theory is. I've been struggling with Science for a long time now and I honestly think that dropping Science for O Levels is one of the best decisions I've made this year. Here's why.

I have to admit that ever since the idea of dropping Science came into my mind, I stopped trying my best during tests/exams. Of course, it would mean that I'm on dangerous grounds as I only have 5 subjects left. I have received my Chinese O Levels results (B3, for those of you who have been asking) and I'm confident that I would do well for English, Maths and D&T.

In fact, I can almost guarantee a distinction for these subjects as long as I continue to work hard. As for my Combined Humanities, they are nowhere near the B grades yet. But considering that I got F9 for Combined Humanities last year, I think I'm making pretty good improvements. I believe that I can do way better if I can put aside the time I set for Science to study Combined Humanities.

Sure, teachers always say that many courses in Polytechnics require Science as a relevant subject but what they missed out is that we can actually use D&T/Art to replace Science! Check out the various Polytechnic's entry requirements if you don't believe me. However, if you want to enter a Science course, like Biotechnology for example, then obviously, you'll need Science.

The thing is, I am not even interested in Science at all, so why would I enter any Science course? Yes, I am aware that if I screw up badly for my O Levels, I would not even qualify for nursing, one of the most unpopular courses (no offence to anyone). But I have made this choice, and I will not allow myself to screw up. The course that I'm aiming for requires English, Maths, Humanities and two best subjects for L1R2B2.

Initially, many teachers were shocked at my decision to drop Science and most of my friends strongly discouraged me to do it but after hearing my explanation, they told me to do what I think would be best for me and not regret anything later on.

People always say that no one in the right mind would drop Science but the fact that the teachers approve of my decision shows that it was well thought out and not impulsive or out of spite because I can't pass Science, isn't it? I know that I made an unpopular choice, but I believe that this is for the best.