And when I'm not okay.

December 21, 2014

When I'm sad, my first reaction is to shut myself down, push people away and keep everything to myself. And the problem never gets solved because I'm too afraid to face it, because I'm a coward.

I've been feeling like that a lot lately. So cowardly, so afraid of everything, so paranoid. I don't want to talk to anyone about anything or even let them know I'm not okay. But with everything crumbling down on me, I'm really not fine at all.

I would love to think that I'm cold hearted and unfeeling because at least I don't get hurt that way, but I'm not. Not even the littlest bit. Instead, I feel too much and I get hurt easily. I'm so sensitive that every feeling is amplified for me.

I wish I knew how to express my sadness, or whatever is this negative emotion I'm feeling right now that makes me feel so unmotivated and so isolated.

P.S. If you are still here despite my infrequent updates, thank you. I'm working on this, I promise. If you have left me encouraging messages, be it as a comment, on askfm, or even an email, know that you are my motivation and you have no idea how much I appreciate this. I don't deserve any of this love at all. You are all amazing, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.

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