11:12am : When you think about him, you start to cry . When he gets online , your heart beats ten times faster . When you see him , you smile without even knowing it . That means there's something that won't let you give up . Its hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone if your heart still does .


To tell the truth , I've lost my touch for blogging already . Even though I went out almost everyday for the past week , I don't know what to blog about . Anyway , some mini updates . I got back my report book already , and I already expected the results . I just pray hard that this will be a lesson , a hard one , learnt for me . I should never get distracted again , especially during examinations period . I had a hard time choosing the subject combinations that I want because as I've mentioned , my results weren't that good , and I was only eligible for two choices - both of which I had no interest in . I ended up with E19 (SS/Literature , Physics/Chemistry , D&T and POA) as my first choice , E18 (SS/History , Physics/Chemistry , D&T and POA) as my second and lastly , E21 (SS/Geography , Physics/Chemistry and D&T) . Gonna appeal for my first choice although it might be hard as I failed Maths :( . That aside , I really enjoyed the career experience as one of the post examinations activities organized by the school . Got to learn Hip Hop that day ! :) However , I thought that the post examinations programmes were too little as compared to post MYE programmes . Ugh , I actually sidetrack-ed from the real reason why I'm here today - to do some dedications ! :D I should really start now before I get distracted again !

SIMXUEYING ! ♥ Happy birthday , Jackfruit ! You're 14 , like finally . Please stop being so aunty , start being on time , stop being so dumb , start chasing yur own happiness , stop replying my messages late , start spending more money , stop wearing black and start wearing SKIRTS :D . You really should be replying me on MSN now because if you don't I'm gonna start nagging and nagging at you ;@ . I hope that when I see you in school , and hopefully , in class , next year , yur hair would be long enough to tie up already ^^

JADEGOH ! ♥ You little naughty lollipop daughter ! I hope you can grow taller , so that people will stop picking on yur height and bully you ! I know something about 18th's , do you ? :) Tsktsk , never wait for yur mom D: . Then still try to make me jealous somemore ! Chey ! But still , thanks for always being there for me , no matter what , hehehe . I remember once we gossiped and talked crap till 3am plusplus . That was like totally cool right ^^ You still owe me a Compass Point and neoprint outing :( . Hope yur mama lets you outta the house if not I'm gonna call her up ! :x

DOLLYONG ! ♥ I finally got yur surname correct ! :D You stupid monstar ! Keep say meet up meet up then end up we both never meet ! Damn asshole can :( Must meet up soon kkay ! Got so many things to catch up on with you ! We didn't meet since 12'02'2010 ! Must gossip about guys already ! Thanks for all those crazy times spent , yur matured advices and yur stupid "I was trying to help you and him!" , super paiseh okay ! HAHAHA . And you should really be honored that you're the first one to know lor ! :x

BELINDAENG ! ♥ Patrickstarrr :) . You're always the one with great advices , the one who talks sense into me , really . Thanks for always being there when I need someone to talk to , even though I always late reply you , HAHAHA . You're like so clever , seriously ! Cannot stand you anymore ! :( One day , I'll be as clever as you , I promise . Hehehe ! :B Don't stop what you're doing nor change yourself alright ? 'Cause you're awesome , just the way you are .

TOHYINGYING ! ♥ Though it might be just a big mistake , I really must thank you for helping me and him get together . Afterall , it is better to have loved and lost than to have never love at all , right ? :) You cheer up too , alright ? No guy is worth yur tears , and when you when find that is , he won't make you cry . Remember what I've always told you ? Don't do things and then regret . When you broke with him , you chose to run away instead of facing it . So why look back now ? You've chosen to run away , so continue running . Why turn back only now and not before ?

VERNONLEOW ! ♥ Thanks for all the late night talks , thanks for comforting me and thanks for trusting me with all yur secrets ! :) Don't worry , I won't say out anything dehs :D . Please grow up and stop talking like a childish kid . Looking back , you were always there for me when I need someone to talk to . Really , thank you so much . You don't know how much this means to me :) . Although we'll probably not be in the same class next year , I still hope that we'll never drift apart :) .

VANESSASOH ! ♥ Please improve yur English alright ! Shall save you some face and not post up what you said here , HAHAHA . I'm such a good friend right :) . Don't nag so much anymore kay ! Sometimes really cannot tahan yur super random hyperness and yur super long nags . Hope that we don't drift once we're in different classes because I still want back my money and headphone :( . Plus I still wanna drink yur super tasty ice-milo :D . And thanks for saving me when Kahheng stepped on my leg , if not my leg now already broken :x .

GOHSIYING ! ♥ Stupid city girl , stop teasing me about kampong ! :( Anyway , thanks for always being there when I need a listening ear and talking crap with me , but no thanks for always laughing at my blurness and calling me kampong girl ! Hope you can get AMaths or POA hahaha , if not I help you write appeal till the teachers cry because it's so touching , then for sure you can get AMaths leow :D . But must give credit to me uh ! :)

CHRISLYNYEO ! ♥ You're seriously awesome for accompanying me to school almost everyday and always reminding me to reply people , HAHAHA . Thanks for everything you've done and thanks so much for making me laugh whenever we're together . It's really great to have you by my side because you really understand what I'm going through right now . And thanks for being such a caring and tiongxim friend :D . Don't think so much about some guys who're not worth it okay ? You'll find someone better .

NGSIWEN ! ♥ Thanks for bring there for me whenever I need to talk . I remember those times during the camps , we're like so high right ? And we kept gossiping about people , I keep getting high because of something and we became lesbos right ! Hahaha , those were really the good times . You , don't think about him anymore also okay ? Love is like gambling . Once you've lost or given up , you have to clear your debts . Don't be stupid and gamble on the same guy again . Because you'll end up burning your fingers . Be strong okay ?

And lastly , to you , ♥♥♥ . It's been 125 days 3 hours 35 minutes . I think it's time that I let you go . I love you more than anything else in this world and there is nothing that I would like better than to hold on to you forever . But I know it's not for the best . So no matter how much my heart is going to break , I've got to let you go . Maybe if I'm lucky , you'll come back , but if not , I hope I can make it through this. I really wish I had the guts to walk away from what we had . But I can't . Because I know you wouldn't come after me . And thats what hurts the most . But even if I can't, I have to . Because I know , I don't mean that much to you anymore . I made a choice to finally let go , because I can't stand the pain , it's time for my last tear to fall and smile again . I wish it didn't have to be this way ...

You make your own choices every day . Whether or not to get out of bed . To smoke . To drink . To drive . To walk . To have a job . To go to that job . To hate . To love . To live .

Sometimes you forget how in control you really are .

It was once a love story that everyone envied
And have never grew tired of listening of
But time brought me a lesson which I've never knew
And I'm now beginning to wonder if
I have been stuck in a fairytale dream all this while .
After having second thoughts , I decided to update my blog despite the intense fatigue that I'm drowned in or else I couldn't think of another solution to resuscitated my dead blog . After doing a fast estimation , I guess I haven't been posting for approximately a week or so ! OMG HAHAHAHA . Thank you , readers , so much for making my tagboard and formspring still so alive .

That aside , days after exams are heavenly ! :D As expected , like everyone else , I went to celebrate the end of EOY right after the last paper by watching a 3D HORROR MOVIE , 童眼 . I had a fruitful and satisfying break after the hectic weeks of mugging for EOY . Shopping spree , movies , gossiping , sleeping , dreaming , laughing , meeting up with old pals , and lastly EATING ! Everything that I wanted to do was done . Well , almost . I'm looking forward to a class chalet , which seems slightly impossible . $$ !
Anyway , after 6 days of resting , it's back to school . To be honest , I dreaded this day 'cause it's the day we're getting back our results . I actually thought I would do WAAAAAY better because although there were some distractions here and there , I kinda studied , but the results were appaling and way below expectation . For those interested , here's my results :
Science - F9
English - B3
Geography - F9
Maths - F9
DnT - A2
Literature - A1
Chinese - D7
And , yes . I didn't pass my overall ._. . Anyway , what's done is done . I'm not gonna regret , 'cause I studied . :)

Through my haste , impatience waits . The time has come , I hesitate . Feel so dry , I'm dead inside I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired . So I wake up and I feel that there is nothing real . I haven't heard your voice in so long and I know this drought is probably not your fault . I'm so weak and thirsty . My heart is thin , sin creeps in . I know . You see the pride in me .
My mind is gone , I cannot think.

My weekly schedule is plainly for school , lunch , remedials and revision . The remaining hours I have left are used to reply the questions on my formspring . How on earth am I gonna survive if this is gonna continue any longer .Well , at least EOY has already started and I've already handed up my Art project (pictures above) , which was a complete headache for me , and I guess my nightmare will end soon .
 
Still , thank you truckloads for the lovely comments and messages . They were really encouraging . If you haven't realised , I still do read the tagboard even when I don't post :) . Anyway , thanks to those who are have been patiently awaiting for my blog post ! Alrights , will be back soon with a real proper post ! Hopefully .

Put away the pictures , put away the memories . I put over and over through my tears . I've held them till I'm blind , they kept my hope alive , as if somehow they would keep you here . Now here it comes , the hardest part of all , unchain my heart that's holding on . How do I start to live my life alone ? Guess I'm just learning , learning the art of letting go . Tried to say it's over , say the word good bye , but each time it catches in my throat . You're still here in me and I can't set you free , so I hold on to what I wanted most and maybe someday , we'll be friends forevermore . And that would be the moment , I wish I could open up that door .

Having a little emotional breakdown somewhere in my heart right now .
Will not be blogging anytime soon , I guess .

Sometimes I wake up in the midst of my sleep , just to make sure there are stars accompanying me like how you represent them . However , it's no longer the truth . And I'm starting to realize that fairytales are lies , wishes do not come true , love does hurts , dreams are false hopes , but pain comes by naturally yet I also believe that memories will never fade away .