It's April, the month I have been anticipating since I impulsively bought my tickets to Europe in December last year. From then till now, my life has almost made a 180 degrees turn. It wasn't a new year resolution but for the whole of 2018, I've been subconsciously making a difference in my life. I picked up reading again, and forced myself to finish at least one book every month no matter how busy — excuses — I am. I'm on my eighth one now and it's only the start of April!

I went back to running, a sport I gave up together with the rest of my active lifestyle when disorders hit me. It's nice to feel the breeze against my face again, and the sound of seas crashing against the shores shoots a sense of calm into my veins. On better days, I forget why I even let my own thoughts take over my life.

Most of all, I let an important friend I was afraid to lose go. I might never have had the courage to do so if it wasn't for a series of coincidences that made me realised no matter how far apart we are, we will always own a part of each other. I think that realisation made it easier to accept things as they are and move on. C'est la vie, am I right? Verbalising my thoughts seems to signify that everything has been set in stone. 有些人，只能留在心里，不能收在身旁。

Then comes the perfunctory, "How have you been?"

This week, I've been productive. Prepared some presentation slides, got most of my credit card issues ironed out, took photos for some advertisements, finished an essay for school. But as a whole? I can hardly find a simple answer to that. I find myself wavering between the truth and a simple, dismissive, "I'm good, what about you?" Lately, I've been leaning towards the latter. How do I summarise the uneasy, sometimes even distressing, situations I landed myself in?

"You stop growing once you become comfortable," my lecturers used to drill in our minds. I believe that. But it's contradicting, because I'm also okay with not giving myself unnecessary stress. I try and try to remind myself, especially at twelve midnight, when cries get the loudest, that we all operate on our own timelines. That I'm really okay. That as long as I'm a better person than I was two years ago, I'm doing well. I'm still far from who I aspire to be, but that's fine. I have a whole life ahead of me to work towards that, right...?

One day, I'm going to be dead forever, but I only have from now till then to be alive. To feel alive. I need to keep reminding myself that.

Time flies. 14 February 2018 marked my third single Valentine's Day. Declaring that you're single on this day of love always has negative connotations attached. Single awareness day, my friends called it.

Only bitter spinsters spend Valentine's Day alone, my mom proclaimed. She's one of those traditional aunties who believe women must get married and give birth by a certain age or they'll be considered monsters. Yup, no pressure at all.

Surprisingly, the loneliness that's often associated with singlehood hasn't seeped in for me. For someone who, for seven years, lived in the shadow of another, my independence is still refreshing, even after three Valentine's Day. Being single is actually liberating.

I'm not obligated to reply messages when I'm too busy. I don't revolve my week or life around someone. I wake up and sleep as and when I like, the same with buying plane tickets. I go when I want to because I don't have to answer to anyone.

Everyday, I'm discovering new things about myself. And I'm glad I stuck by my decision to love myself before seeking love from someone else.

No one can love you more than you. Always remember that.

Nothing bonds a group of people like a shared distaste for something, or someone.

I had the best birthday celebration ever.

Here’s a secret: I always wanted my friends to come together and surprise me for my birthday. I know Chelsea tried to plan that once but the innumerable incompetent people I allowed in my life back then ruined her plans. Chelsea, I sincerely apologise for making you suffer through my bad decisions. 

My dreams came true this year though; I guess I accumulated enough good karma this year with my endless drama in 2017.


Chelsea, who specialised in acting in year 3, ironically sucked at lying. Not that I’m complaining. She unceremoniously brushed me off when I pointed out that we were heading towards the wrong direction, but I was so distracted by some drama she was supposed to update me on and I figured taking the longer route would give us more time to talk (consistency is key: NEW YEAR, SAME DRAMA-LOVING ME).


My sneaky friends formed an allegiance in secrecy weeks before my birthday! All while I was confidently telling Charlene, “Don’t worry, I will pretend to be surprised by whatever tricks (you, Reuben and Pim) pull.” Well, I certainly didn’t expect the people I love most to come together. Who would’ve guessed that my friends can be bigger stalkers than me?

In a perfect world, I would shed tears of joys when my closest friends jumped out to surprise me. Alas, my talent is in salt marination and savage comebacks, not crying on demand or I would’ve interned at Mediacorp. Besides, I’m accustomed to showing hostility, disgust and anger, not delight or love or any of those disgusting positive feelings.


I merely screamed my lungs out in shock in the basement of 313 while Cheryl commented, “Don’t know we scream louder or you scream louder.”

Adrenaline filled my veins and I was in such a state of stupor that I couldn’t make a proper birthday wish. Instead, I muttered something along the wholesome lines of I hope to be happy forever. What an utter waste of my birthday wish. I later retracted that statement and jokingly wished for everyone who pissed me off to suffer.

Imagine my surprise I saw that someone did fall sick a few days after my birthday. Fml. And that person wasn’t even the target of my recent wrath. Fhl HAHAHAHA. Just for the record, I did not sell my soul to the devil for that to happen.

That’s just one part of a series of mere misadventures that my friends have came to associate with my life the past 22 years. I’ve grown used to hearing my friends sigh in exasperation before delivering the standard line: “This kind of thing can only happen to you.” If having that as my motto isn’t enough, I should seriously considering having it tattooed across my forehead already.

I highly suspect all my friends were just looking for an excuse to congregate and scrutinise my sensational life. I mean, what are the chances that your vile birthday wish, albeit an afterthought, comes true? Although I’m positive no one doubted me, it was glorious declaring I-told-you-that-happened when I had friends backing up my drama as I related it.

Thank god I’m not a compulsive liar or I would’ve been scrambling to come up with pseudo explanations or risked getting exposed. Now that I’m 22, I need to ~grow up~ and stop with my snarky double connotations, but it’s fun to watch guilty parties scrambling to see if the shoe fits!

In primary school, teachers loved asking ludicrous questions like, “If you were an animal, what would you be?” The question always stirred anxiety within the shy child I used to be — I hated being chided for being uncreative (dogs are a popular choice, although being called one ends up being an insult as you grow older) but I never wanted to stand out with something creative.

Sardonic 22-year-old me would retort, “Anything dead.” But I know what I am now. A fly that knowingly lands on a Venus Flytrap. It took an assembly of three different groups of friends from the last five years of my life for me to realise what an attention-seeking drama mama I am. I tend to subconsciously provoke people’s anger for the sole purpose of watching their reactions, then whine about drama coming out of their way to seek me.


What a 10/10 solid a$$hole I’ve been my entire life. As it turns out, I do love drama as much as it loves me! I can’t help it yo, I gotta bring ~quality content~ to my loyal readers.

I’m kidding, in case you’re dumb enough to not tell. I had someone going on a rampant Instagram rant because I called a close friend “pekyj’s crisis management team”. S/he thought I made my friends work for my blog. Regrettably, I’m already not paying my friends enough to deal with my constant drama. My friendship isn’t worth enough to make my friends work for free.

I was, in reality, referring to how my friends edit my argumentative essays to tone down the b1tchiness and remove my snide remarks, averting further conflicts. My personal favourite responses include:

“I think we need to write a 1200 word essay on why we think YT should say what we suggested.”
“I’m sorry for not replying quickly, don’t dock my non-existent pay.”
“Cannot la!!! Please don’t tell me you already sent that. Oh. Too late.”
“Stop being impulsive or you’ll face a fate worse than death.”
“Open his/her message to assess damage now.”
“It’s a slow night, there’s not much good content to work with from your drama today.”

I think my friends secretly bask in my chagrin and mocked aggravation. After all, birds of a feather flock together.


I supposed now that I’m a full grown adult, I’ll be expected to act like one — whatever that means. Who are we even kidding? In all honesty, adults have the least shit held together. But maybe this year I’ll finally learn to be kind.

Probably not.

And they dare say change is the only constant in life. The only constant is my intolerance for bullshit and stupidity, puh-lease!

Brought my Sony camera and Huji Cam, my recent obsession, out to play a few days back. The rain didn't stop us from going on rides in Marina Bay Carnival which I have been to a grand total of four times since its opening less than a month ago. Jeez, is there really nothing else to do in Singapore? (Spoiler: there isn't.) The carnival runs from 15 December 2017 to 1 April 2018 so you have about three more months to find yourself a date to bring you there.

Anyway, most photos are not going on Instagram because it doesn't fit my ~theme~ (gosh, what a millenial problem) so I'm dumping them here since I already edited them on Lightroom. The photos with dates on them were taken with App Store's Huji Cam, and the rest were taken with Sony a6000. Gifs are made with Boomerang, found on Apple App Store and Google Play Store.


If you don't already know, there's two sides to the carnival. The one at The Promontory @ Marina Bay (pictured below) has more kiddy rides while the side nearer to Bayfront Event Space (pictured above) caters more to adults with their thrilling rides. The nearest MRT is Bayfront MRT Station.

Work has always been a sensitive topic on my blog that I tried to steer clear of, only briefly mentioning my first job after I left the company because it was so heartbreaking for me to walk away from what I truly loved. I'm letting myself break down here right now because I have nothing to lose — I already am nothing. I've burned out. Beset with a never-ending avalanche of self-doubts, I catch myself neurotically wondering, once too many times, when will I succeed — if ever.

I toyed with the idea of leaving my job for a while now, but never found the courage to tender my resignation — till recently. When I graduated from Mass Comm last year, I was a wide-eyed optimistic girl who saw myself as the ever-present sun. Now I know I'm just a candle, one that's easily burned out in the hands of the wrong people, and I'm on the verge of collapsing.

I went through the motion in 2017, allowing society to mellow my personality. I worked for the sake of a pay check. I turned into one of the sceptical adults I swore to never be, the kind satisfied to be stuck in the 9 to 6 life as long as my wallet remained filled. Initially, I buried myself in even more work. I thought by keeping myself busy and with more money, I could numb myself.

The ominous signs became increasingly, glaringly obvious. Spinning a web of bureaucratically impeccable lies, the malevolent mastermind concocted a perverse wedge of hope — an alluring dream to the ignorant and repulsive to the knowing. I watched my greatest source of motivation reduced to nothing but a pernicious illusion. I must add that this beguiling catastrophe, the epitome of ostentatious and expedient, might actually make a great episode of a cliche reality TV show. If it wasn't happening to me.

These multitudinous challenges led me to believe that life just has an unhealthy obsession with ruining me, and everything I had and loved. Tearing me down. Breaking me apart. There's nothing more corrosive than the dense, blanketing malaise that continually reminded me, time and again, money doesn't make the world turn round. Sure, I had a comfortable amount sitting in my bank. In fact, I had more than I needed even if I were to quit and travel for six months, but I was also miserable. Utterly miserable.

I took my first break a couple of months back. I travelled to my favourite country, Taiwan, with one of my closest friends. We partied, drank, laughed. But the nights after she slept saw me in a befuddled state, stifling, on the verge tears. Leading to the Kaohsiung trip, I was constantly stressed out. I didn't reply messages for days because I couldn't stand picking up my phone to face a deluge of work messages. I grimaced at the thought of work; I've always been one to push myself but I knew I haven't been giving my all because I couldn't work anymore.

With the recent occurrences fuelling and affirming my decision, I went against the decision of my mom the first time since stepping out of my rebellious teenager phase, and I did the unthinkable: I left my second full-time job without another job lined up. I threw in the towel because I couldn't see myself working there another second. I stopped believing in the work I was assigned to, long ago. I was burnt out, my mind insolently blank. For the sake of my sanity, I let go.

For once in my life, I don't have a plan in mind. What do I do now, after the waves of relief and adrenaline have washed over? I am completely clueless. Maybe a little foolish too, and definitely terrified. My life has come to another standstill; a crossroad which either decision will bring me to very different places. Literally. Should I abruptly stop my stable income in an attempt to pursue my childhood dreams of relocating to a country I love, or continue on with life as it is?

I'm an adult now!

Mandatory blog post because I turn 21 today. No parties, no gatherings, just hanging out with a few people I love. That's not the 21st birthday celebration I imagined a year ago but 21 years is enough for me to learn that life hardly turns out the way we envision it to.

My 21st birthday planning had been a roller coaster ride. I started out wanting a typical big celebration like the rest of my friends, but decided against it after a dear friend left me. It was a tough and trying period as I was broken and shed tears over our lost friendship. Till today, her photos sit on my office desk because I can't bear the thought of removing them.

That incident alone caused me to rethink holding a birthday party despite my love for planning parties in general. The friends I invite to my birthday, if I held one, might not even be the people I turn to a month from now if something were to happen to me. I thought, the only thing worse than not celebrating my 21st birthday was celebrating my 21st birthday with a party attended by 50 people disinterested in my existence.

But a tiny voice protested (along with my mom who really wanted me to hold a party LOL), reminding me that I could always hold a small party and invite all of my closest friends who have been there all along, for several years now. So I had almost everything planned out, right down to securing sponsors for my dessert table, cake, food catering, hotel etc.

The last month of 2016 saw me being so overwhelmed by the countless things I had to settle before the year ended. It burnt me out, and the fact that I haven't even confirmed the date for my celebrations two weeks to my birthday added to my stress.

At the eleventh hour, I decided, heck it, I already have an upcoming work trip — why not clear my leave since I'm already travelling and do something I always wanted to do instead of conforming to society's standards of a huge 21st birthday bash. If I'm procrastinating the planning, I probably don't want a celebration that much. So I shelved my birthday plans and immediately booked my air tickets to Japan.

It's my first official solo travel (I've travelled solo for work before but it doesn't count as solo travel per se), and it's to Japan, a country I wanted to visit since I was 15. I think experiencing Japan will be better than any celebrations I hold because I waited way too long for this.

A yearly affair

As a kid, I thought turning 21 would be a crucial turning point in my life. I don't know what I expected — that maybe a fairy would descend upon me, sprinkle some sparkly magic powder and I'd suddenly turn pretty, grow taller, and have my life together? I'm 21 today and while that didn't happen, 21 years of living did change and mature me.

Being 20 made me scared. I was continuously pushed out of my comfort zone. I started contributing to the household and gave my mom money on a monthly basis. I was proud of myself yet at the same time, envious of my friends and their university lives. I detested the fact that I had to be an adult when in the eyes of the law, I was hardly an adult.

I made mistakes — some costly, some scarred me emotionally and some made me sobbed uncontrollably. At the end of the day, I learn. I learnt things the hard way, but I always learnt from my mistakes. A few mistakes even led me to beautiful people whom I eventually opened my heart to. I stopped being afraid of making mistakes. I stopped being afraid of the unforeseeable future. Most importantly, I stopped being a terrified girl who's unsure of herself.

I became confident of myself.

Leaving some of the most toxic people in my life allowed me to gain the confidence I always lacked. I used to cry if I had to meet new people, but now I go up to them and introduce myself. I shuddered at the thought of any social interaction (even with my close friends), but now I find myself turning strangers into friends, chatting and laughing with them within minutes.

Being a working almost-adult helped too, I was forced to improve my small talks skills and overcome my shyness. Because I stopped being socially anxious, I began mixing with people and actually enjoyed being around people. I laugh a lot more, and loudly too, because I was no longer restricted by people who told me you should do this, you should behave that way. I became my own person, and I started living for myself.

I might have went a little wild with the live-for-yourself and #noragrets attitude by clubbing three times a week but... #noragrets, right?

Being a late bloomer, I only started drinking at 19; the year I turned 20 was the peak of my drinking habits, with the break up I went through early 2016 and the sudden increase in spending power when I started my first full time job. Drinking quickly turned to clubbing when we didn't want the night to end. If everyone has a 'clubber siao' period in their lives, this would be mine.

Not all clubbers are bad influencers and clubbing isn't necessarily half as immoral as the general public makes it out to be. If it was, my traditional mom would have never allowed me to go clubbing thrice a week, even bringing me to the clubs she frequents in Malaysia #truestory.

Taking care of myself (and sometimes my friends), controlling the amount I drink so I don't get dead drunk, making sure I complete whatever I need to do if I want to spend the night out — these are some responsibilities I learnt that comes with clubbing. I even met some friends in the club I frequent, people who are just there to enjoy the music and have fun.

If you told me a year ago that this would be the person I am today, I wouldn't have believed you. Energetic, hopeful, outgoing, optimistic about the future and as a new friend called me, bubbly bunny. I've never been happier and more satisfied with my life. Looking back, if there's a truly defining year in my life, it's definitely between the time I grew from an unsure teeanger to self-sufficient young adult.


May the rest of my adulthood be as fruitful and as exciting. I'm readyyyyyyy!

8 years ago, the world saw Obama, America's first black president. Today, the unthinkable happened, bringing our society one step back: America voted for Trump, a man endorsed by KKK.

Trump suffered numerous scandals before his term even began, made derogatory remarks towards and about women, and he based his ENTIRE presidential campaign on ridiculous statements without an ounce of truth. The world called him a joke and laughed at him but at the end of the day, the choice is clear.

America would rather elect a homophobic, racist, sexist and disrespectful man with aggressive intentions and no political background — someone who instilled fear in citizens as president — than to trust a woman. To know that America is more sexist than it is racist, as if it isn't already racist enough, is disheartening.

It saddens me to know that even in the 21st century, women still get discredited for our gender. If a nation can exhibit such blatant sexism at a national level, can you imagine what we go through everyday just to prove our abilities? Feminism isn't about treating women right, it's advocating for women's rights, it's fighting for women to be treated EQUALLY because gender DOESN'T determine capability.

Brutal as it sounds, my life goes on as per normal tomorrow and I'll forget this disappointing election results in a few days, largely because I'm located so far away that the elections doesn't directly impact me but I fear for the minorities in America.

It's not just women who lost today; it's the underprivileged, the poor, "coloured" citizens, LGBT, all minorities who aren't rich white men. I cringe to think what this election means for them.


11/9 is a depressing day for mankind. America, you made your choice and I have to accept it, but that doesn't mean I won't fight against it. I always believed that sunrises represents a new beginning, an opportunity to correct any previous wrongs. Tonight, I'm choosing to make a difference with more than just lip service.

I made a donation to Liberty in North Korea (LiNK), a non-profit organisation that helps North Korean refugees resettle in South Korea or America. You can read more about LiNK here or visit their website to know how LiNK helps North Koreans escape from North Korea and seek resettlement.

We're lucky enough to hold a pink IC, with a safe place like Singapore we can call home, but some citizens of the world aren't as lucky as us. With a xenophobic president like Trump, LiNK needs all the help they can get to aid the North Koreans resettle in America. I made my donation but me alone cannot change the world. This is how you can help — even a dollar from each of you will help the North Koreans resettle and live the life they deserve. Please make a small donation instead if you're intending to get me a gift for my 21st birthday. Thank you :)

(Edited 10 November 2016)

LiNK has reached out to me and I've updated the link for the fundraising campaign. Here's also a short video so you know who you're helping and what we're campaigning for:

For some private family reasons, my mom wanted me to change my name so began a process of finding a lawyer, getting paper work done etc. I haven't announced my new name anywhere yet other than formally changing my work email but I've been slowly making the changes on my various social media accounts, which some of you have noticed. Here's an official blog post documenting this huge change in my life, and a guide on how to change your name in Singapore, in case anyone is interested.


I never had a Chinese name in my IC and I didn't like the way my name was written in my IC either. The initial plan was simply to add my Chinese name into my official name but due some family issues, along with the fact that I never particularly liked my English name, I removed it officially.

I actually toyed with the idea of changing my English name instead of removing it but I supposed that would bring inconvenience to the people around me if they have to call me by a new name. Currently, most of my friends already call me by my Chinese name or simply my surname so that's not a huge problem.

Without a new English name on my official documents, I can still always go by my English name if the situation calls for it and my colleagues in Singapore still call me by that, which I'm fine with because I guess that's easier than having to awkwardly call me by my Chinese name.

My former Chinese name was 白宜靜, which I grew really fond of because I always felt I shared special affinity with some people with that name, however delusional that sounds hahaha, so I chose to retain the pronunciation and only had the middle character changed.

I now go by Pek Yi Tsing (白怡靜). which makes Pekyj irrelevant since it's technically Pekyt now hahaha, but hanyu pinyin wise I'm still Pekyj. Tsing instead of Jing because I didn't like how yijing looks with too many dots hahahha and also to reflect my Hokkien roots, which I've always been proud of.

Strictly speaking, 靜 would translate to ceng in Penang Hokkien (which I speak) but I'm not a fan of the initials since it would be similar to one of my ex's wth hahaha. I briefly contemplated Yi Zeng since that's how ceng sounds like anyway but thought the name looks a little too masculine for my liking so I ended up going with the alternative spelling of the Hokkien version of Jing, which is Tsing.

So there you go, a boring explanation. It feels like I'm running away from the law going through invisalign treatment, LASIK (will write about this another day) and now, name change in a span of two years, and I'd love to write an exciting story of how I'm hiding from the law as well, but I'm afraid the reason behind my name change is surprisingly straightforward and mundane.

How to change your name in Singapore?

The process was astonishingly simple and quick.

1. Decide on your new name
2. Find a lawyer to get your deed poll done up.
3. Book an appointment with your lawyer to sign your deed poll (if you're below 21, you'll need the signatures of BOTH your parents even if they're divorced)
4. And you're done!

After which, you'll have to

• You then have to apply for new IC (you can do so online and it took them only 3 days to process mine)
• Inform the Immigration so that you'll get a new passport (your new passport will only have a 8 months validity, don't ask me why)
• Bring your new documents to banks, your company's HR etc. to settle all the paperwork

The name change was simple and quick, it was all the paperwork that I had to settle days before my LASIK that worried me endlessly. But now that almost everything's done with, I can finally announce my official new name, which I've been rather excited about!

I am now contactable at tsingpekyj@gmail.com :)

「没穿过高中制服翘过一次课长大以后才会后悔！」呵呵，这就是我的少女时代。

啊～ 时间也过得太快了吧！谢谢 Facebook 提醒我这张照片的纯在 哈哈。一转眼整整六年就这样过了。以前爱翘课，吵架，打架的叛逆少女都长大了～～～ 回想过去时还真的不相信我以前那么皮，大胆，没礼貌。哇塞，好想赏他一巴掌喔 😳

有时会问自己，今天的我是当年我想要曾为的那一种人吗？小时候总以为自己长大后会赚大钱，变得很了不起，出社会后才怀念读书年代的天真，终于明白原来平凡也是一种幸福 ：）

Instagram has been on a roll lately (hurhur no pun intended) with its new features, algorithm-driven feed, business profiles, Insta stories and now, Instagram is beginning to remove some of its "less used features" as well. and that feature happens to be my favourite on Instagram — Photo Maps.


It's my favourite feature since I started travelling this year because I liked occasionally browsing through my travel photos and slowly filling up my photo map. I even once tweeted that I can't wait to fill up my Instagram's map but I guess now that dream is shattered :(



A quick check online showed that I'm not the only one sadden by this sudden change but it seems like complaining won't help either. While I understand this could be for the safety of the general public who tagged their homes but why should we be responsible for their, for a lack of a better word, stupidity?! Ugh.

I'm sure no amount of whining or complaining will bring our maps back considering how Instagram was so adamant about the algorithm timeline even though it caused a huge uproar. I only wish they issued a statement before hand so I could have captured a screenshot of my maps before it was removed.

Singaporean Chinese usually share one thing in common — we hate Chinese with a burning passion. Other than being one of the hardest languages in the world to master, the minimal hours per week given to Chinese lessons weren't enough to pique our interest. Besides, we assumed we'll never use the language again after graduation, leaving us to deem Chinese lessons as useless and using them as napping sessions.

At least, that was the case for me.

Scoring a B3 for my Chinese O Levels, I was more than satisfied with myself and swore to my Chinese teachers that if my future company wants to deal with Chinese-speaking clients, I'd rather lose the client. Ahhh, the naivety of a obstinate, rebellious teenager — as if I had a choice, and I probably didn't know how big of a market Chinese speakers are.


It worked out perfectly for a moment as I managed to steer clear of the language I was horrible at for three years while pursuing a diploma in Mass Communication. Upon graduation, I landed my first full time job......

In a Taiwanese company. 

Emails, texts and paperwork were sent in Traditional Chinese. It was an irony for the girl who couldn't even read a sentence of Simplified Chinese back in school. Before long, I was sent on my first work trip to Taiwan, where I felt handicapped with the language barrier and struggled with basic normality like ordering food.

Sent this photo to ask my colleagues what was on the menu

Despite being a chatterbox back in Singapore, I felt so self-conscious of my sub-par Chinese that I kept my mouth shut half the time I was there initially. I was so quiet, there was once I spoke up after a couple of drinks and my colleague exclaimed, “大家安静！新加坡人终于出声了！” (Translation: Everyone keep quiet, the Singaporean has spoken!)

As time passed, together with a few bottles of Taiwanese beers to speed up the process, I got to know everyone better and could finally participate in group chats. That was when I realised ordering food and reading news should have been the last oif my concerns. Those were the easy parts of living in Taiwan — texting, however, was another ball game itself.

Singaporeans have Singlish that no foreigner seem to comprehend. Likewise, Taiwanese have their own slangs that took me quite some time to decipher. The thing about colloquialisms is that they cannot be translated even with the help of Google Translate and a lot of times, Google doesn't give you the accurate results you're looking for either unless you spend time trawling through forums (which I did, in desperation — never thought the day I need someone to teach me how to text would come).

In the name of fun, and maybe this will help someone who's relocating to Taiwan, here are 15 text lingo I came to understand from scrutinising the texts between my colleagues.

I wrote my previous post on my 20th birthday, slightly more than 6 months ago, but for some reason didn't publish till months later. Six months later, a great deal of significant events have happened since I turned 20.

this is a modern fairytale; no happy endings, no wind in our sails ⛓

A photo posted by Regine 🌻 (@pekyj) on Mar 15, 2016 at 4:48am PDT

I broke up with my long-term (now ex-)boyfriend in mid January, dated a little and ended them as abruptly as they started, travelled quite a fair bit (and I should be getting those blog posts up soon hahahaha wtf), got my first full-time job in April, graduated in May and just came back from my first work trip.

(Written 2 January 2016)


When I was younger, I thought by the time I turn 20 surely I would have gotten my shit together (i.e. have a stable job, got married). Today, I turn 20 and well, let's just say that the 10-year-old me would be severely disappointed. I don't know what universe I lived in but my maths must have been nowhere near excellent. Even after taking the fastest generally-held route out there, I'm only on the brink of graduation.

Stable job? Ha. The most terrifying item on my to do list now is job hunting and let's not talk about getting married. This is Singapore we're speaking of, one of the most expensive cities to live in. For the life of me, I cannot fathom why I thought it was possible to get married by 20. Sure, shotgun marriages maybe but I'm not into that.

Thus, I learned my first lesson in my twenties. The difference between turning 10 and 20 is that reality check. You exchange your dreams for something more realistic, something less fun but earns you enough to keep your family going. You find yourself saying the kind of things you thought would only come out of your parents' mouth.

A tiny part of me haven't given up on my childhood dreams either. Just like a flame waiting to be rekindled. When I was 10, I wanted to be an author but let's be real here - how many Mr Midnights and True Singapore Ghost Stories can we have here? As far as I'm concerned, this blog is an outlet for me to visit my childhood dream once in a while and that's enough for me.

Growing up, it has been drilled into me that I have zero basic artistic talent, so much that I decided to take D&T instead of Art for my O Levels despite having taken a liking to art. Entering poly, I chose Mass Comm over a media design course because I had no confidence in my art sense. I never once thought I'd be talented in designing but surprise! After ten years of getting below average grades for Art, suddenly I'm told that I do possess a sense of art - I just can't draw. Thank god for the invention of computers.

Never underestimate the wonders of technology. Years ago, I would have never imagined myself in this position. Because of the bloom of Internet and social media, I found my calling and I'm living my childhood dreams both at once. I'm more than thankful to be born in this generation.

If I had a chance to speak to my 10-year-old self, I would tell her to continue blogging because one day, this once useless blog will actually aid me with what I majored in. While adults are stumped by the rapid advancement of the Internet and social media, I've been part of the growth and given the chance to work with amazing companies.

I would let her know that it's okay to dream big but 平凡也是一种幸福 (simplicity is a sort of happiness as well). I still don't go into a luxury store pointing to things I want with my perfectly manicured nails. Heck, I haven't been painting my nails and they've been breaking off often since I started on Invisalign. But I'm still happy, and I'm always working on making my life better.

I would remind her to keep her feet grounded. Never stop working hard - there's always someone better no matter how good I think I am. And that's okay too, because I don't wish to compare myself to anyone else. I just need to be the best version of myself.

I'd remind her to save up for more travel adventures. The world is a huge place and there is nothing more outrageous than staying stagnant in one spot. The thought of that alone frightens me. Travelling opens my eyes and humbles me; it's the best gift I can ever get for myself.

感覺有雙翅膀，能飛越高山和海洋 • missing Hong Kong, can't wait to be back 🇭🇰 #flySQ #singaporeairlines

A post shared by Yi Tsing 怡靜 (@pekyj) on Aug 14, 2016 at 4:18am PDT

Here's to another decade of living, loving, experiencing and exploring.

Rays of sunshine peeked at me through my windows, rousing me awake. The day I've been anticipating finally arrived and the excitement was getting unbearable. Counting down to that day since three years ago, I can say I was even more thrilled than I've ever been on any of my first dates. Jumping off my bed, I rushed to the bathroom with a spring in every step I took.

10 May 2016, the day my friends celebrate our achievements. All of our cheeks flushed with excitement, the exhilaration was getting too real. The day really arrived! Congratulatory words thrown at us everywhere we turned but I was too preoccupied with my own thoughts to compose a proper response.

I was still in disbelief that I made it. The odds were clearly stacked against me but I broke all barriers; the incredulousness of it all was making my head spin. Six years back, at 14, I set my eyes on this course. For the first time in my life EVER, I had an aim. I finally had an answer to the most important question in my life at that time, "What do you want to do after secondary school?"

Except one thing.

Mass Communication in Ngee Ann Polytechnic was, and still is, one of the most popular courses in Singapore. With a cut off point of 10, I had to score at least five A2s to even compete in the race. The look of disbelief, the doubtful casts my teachers showed me was self-explanatory — none of them thought I could make it. Mind you, I was on the verge of retaining a year because I scored mostly F9s, passing only English and even that wasn't anywhere near an A. Even passing O Levels was a seemingly daunting task.

As expected, I didn't do well. Let's not mention about five A2s when I did not score a single A. I remembered sliding and sinking onto the floor of my school hall, sobbing incessantly and shaking so badly because I had no back up plans. Media was my only choice and I knew it. What was I supposed to do?

Spoiler: I made it.

Everyone knows by now how JPSAE (now known as EAE) saved my ass. Even my lecturers know my blog via my YouTube video (which I'm really not proud of because I spoke so badly omg!). Before I knew it, I was enrolled and my toughest three years began. NP's School of Film and Media Studies isn't known for being Singapore's most established media school for nothing and Mass Comm has a reputation for being competitive for a reason.

Before enrolment, I heard stories about how coursemates regularly turned against each other and that backstabbing is a common occurrence. I heard from friends of friends that I'd never find true friends in FMS because that's just how the culture is and everyone's a bitch so the only way out is for me to learn to be a better bitch. I won't deny it scared me a little and my social anxiety didn't make things better. I even shed tears due to my nervousness!

That wasn't the case as I soon discovered. The people I met during my Freshmen Bonding Camp were lovely and my classmates were pleasant. Sure, I met one or two of those stereotyped FMS students but I gradually learnt that I had nothing much to be worried about, hence school only got more fun as the days after my enrolment flew by.

On our very first day, the director of FMS, affectionately known to us secret agents as Big Mama, informed us that FMS stands for Forever Missing Sleep and we should cherish whatever little sleep we had left. Boy, was that the understatement of my lifetime! Over my three years in Mass Comm, I was constantly sleep-deprived, turning me cranky and short-tempered. I swear I never stayed awake for so many nights in a row before I entered Mass Comm.

It was an ongoing uphill battle for me, with me continuously questioning my own abilities, especially when being shot questioning looks after I tell people my O Level score. I was hysterical nearing submission weeks because I wanted to prove my worth so desperately. Countless sleepless nights have taken a toll on my health but I've never been felt more fulfilled in my entire life. If anyone asks, my answer remains the same: it's crazy and I lost count of how many times I broke down but the tears were well worth it, no arguments about that. The last three years were tough but rewarding.

Lecturers always said, "If you can get through Mass Comm / FMS, you can get through anything in life." Today, as a full time working adult, I attest to that statement. Of course I still feel the pressure from my job sometimes but nothing can compare to what we were put through in FMS. The demanding workload brought out the best in me. Occasionally, I look back and wonder how did I get through those insane taxing three years without turning deranged.

"(My name)."

I recognised that voice — it's one of my favourite lecturers. Snapping back to reality, I realised I was already on the stage. There's no time to waste, I brisk walked purposefully to Big Mama while whispering ever so softly to myself left right left right. After all, I don't want the entire faculty's last memory of me to be that of a girl sprawling on the ground. Faltering to a stop in front of her, I saw Big Mama mouthed congratulations so I thanked her and we posed for a photo.

I remember being slightly disoriented — where should I place my hands? I hurriedly grab whichever part of the folder I could reach. Now, where is the cameraman? I only located him via the flash from his camera. Yup, it's too late, the photo's taken. I can only hope I don't look like a lost deer in my graduation photo.


In less than 30 seconds, the moment I eagerly awaited was over; three years of hard work in exchanged for 30 seconds on stage. As the Chinese saying goes, 台上一分钟，台下十年功 (literally: one minute onstage, ten years of hard work offstage).

Sauntering off the stage, carefully counting my steps before I disappeared from the eyes of the audience, I heaved a sigh of relief, complimenting myself for not tripping where the public could see (because I already tripped twice privately and it wasn't caught by most of the audience). I bounced out of the auditorium, hearing congratulatory words again, and did an internal cheer.

It was surreal as reality started to set in. It finally dawned upon me when I was handed my diploma and a graduation teddy bear proclaiming 'Class of 2016' — I did it!!! I'm officially a diploma holder and not just any diploma, it's a diploma in Mass Communication from the pioneer media school in Singapore! My dream came true!

The moments after the graduation ceremony were a whirl as I rushed everywhere to take photos with everyone. I'm disappointed that I missed taking photos with a huge amount of people, especially lecturers who influenced my life, turning me into a better person. Nonetheless, I have emailed most of them to thank them personally. Without them, there won't be this girl with a fiery passion and love for the media industry.


If anyone asks, please let them know that this is my one true love and nothing else comes close.

Thank you FMS, for believing in my abilities when my O Level score failed me, for seeing the potential in me when no one else did, for providing me with top-notch education in this industry with facilities unparalleled to the rest. Nothing is comparable to my three years in FMS; this school is truly a place for freaks and I will hold those memories close to my heart.

A photo posted by Regine 🌻 (@pekyj) on May 10, 2016 at 11:02pm PDT

Graduate lo!!! No more missing sleep!

BFF: are you excited for your travel!!!
Me: nah, it's more of a work trip than anything else actually
BFF: huh but you sounded excited to travel??

Which led me to wonder why is it that I'm feeling a flurry of emotions this time instead of excitement. I've always been someone extremely excitable and an avid traveller. No matter the situation, I've always been elated to be given the opportunity to fly.

hello i am back. haha, i knew i couldn't stay away for long.

i was so stressed out by my life the past week with too many things happening all at once. it's like the drama never ends and i was so frustrated because i had no outlets to vent that i kind of snapped, got myself shit drunk and made tons of people worry about me. i think i was more miserable away from my blog than i was putting myself online what the heck hahaha.

still, i thought the break was necessary. i discovered a little more about myself during this time and also learnt to control how much of my life should i put online. i also found a few drafts in my old blog that i'll be posting here over the past few days. some poetries, some half-written posts that i lost inspiration for, some posts written about the exes or the guys i dated that i thought weren't good enough to be published. but since i'm starting anew, i guess i could post some of them here.

i'm still deciding which direction this blog will go. i kind of like the state my blog is in right now - clean and new, and i can write in whatever way i want because there's no prior expectations. my posts don't need to be of a "certain standard" before i hit publish. no stress whatsoever, i love it.

at the same time, i had quite a few useful posts on my previous blog (which is now locked up) ranging from movie reviews to study tips to jpsae interview guide so i really don't know if i should reopen that blog again. i guess it's a psychological factor - i definitely can treat my old blog like this blog too and just let my thoughts flow; it's my own expectations that jams up the process.
i'm back but i still need more time to figure things out but as the saying goes, sedikit-sedikit lama-lama menjadi bukit. i'm stepping back into social media, slowly but surely.

hello, it's good to be back. :)

With almost a month since my last post, this might just be the longest break I've ever taken from blogging. I'll explain why in a bit but stick with me while I reminisce the good times.

It's been more than ten years since that day I stumbled upon blogger through a Yahoo search and started documenting my life. I've had ups and downs, although more ups than downs in the recent years. My readership has grown through the years and even shot up in 2015. It amazes me to no end how many people told me I inspired them. I'm just a small town girl you see in your everyday life - the thought of people being interested in me is still a relatively strange concept till today. I'm deeply humbled.

I still adore this space of mine dearly but that's precisely the reason I've stopped writing. Because people are interested, so I have to stop. I hate knowing that I'm no longer providing my readers with what they were here for from the start - my standard of English has dropped tremendously, so much that I have difficulties stringing sentences smoothly, and turning them into paragraphs of ramblings like I used to do. I feel incredibly stupid reading some of my recent posts - I know they are half-assed, written and posted just to keep this blog alive.

Do I want a blog where posts are quantity over quality? I don't think I can do that to something I so painstakingly built up over the years.

I knew for a long time that my English language has been deteriorating and I always told myself it's not my fault I'm too busy to do something about it but I realised it's all excuses. The problem with my generation is that we are all so addicted to our smartphones. If I have the time to refill my food on Neko Atsume (my newest addiction!!!), I can use the time to read a few pages from a book. It doesn't even have to be a novel. Just any book.

With that thought in mind, I picked up reading again, beginning with the few books I have at home that I bought when I was younger. Now I bring a book wherever I go, forcing myself to read even if I feel sleepy in the morning. Barely a week later, I can already feel my language improving. Before, I couldn't even write a short post of three paragraphs without taking a few days and words could no longer flow out as freely as they used to. But today, I finished writing this post in 30 minutes and I could just feel the words rushing out of my fingers as I typed furiously away.

Still, I don't want to commit to writing on here until I'm satisfied with my language skills again. I don't want to just churn out posts after posts that I don't feel passionate about. It's rubbish and I don't want my blog to turn into crap. It's okay if my language isn't stupendous and my vocabulary doesn't have to be remarkable either - I just need to to be proud of whatever content I put up here.

So this is a break I'll take for an indefinite amount of time. Who knows how long will it be till my English becomes as good as it was before. And hopefully, even better. I'm aware that by doing this I may lose readers, but at the end of the day, I think this is for the best in the long run. I will miss writing here but I keep reminding myself, quality over quantity.

I'll see you again by my 20th birthday. :-)

Meanwhile, you can still find me on instagram, twitter and dayre.

xxx

Sure, I love being paid to do what I did for free in school and the fact that I'm being paid to do what I enjoy doing is great but more specifically, I love talking to the stewardesses and stewards from my internship place because they always have such interesting travel stories to share! (｡◕‿◕｡) Since I don't have the financial capabilities to travel yet, just listen to the stories also not bad right hahahhaha.

They get to travel so often around the world and their lives sounded so exciting that for a moment, I was tempted to join them as well! Plus, they get to do authentic designer shopping from locations like US and Europe and things are definitely a lot cheaper there. *shiny eyes* Everyone knows my weakness is Marc Jacobs!!! Doesn't hurt that their paychecks allow them to shop at designer stores without feeling the pinch.

Also because everyone there kept asking me if I'm planning to fly after I'm done with my internship and I'm very easily influenced wtf. But I remembered that I don't hit the height requirement for any airlines so my dreams are shattered before they even begin fml hahahhahahaha.

I'm beginning to sound like a bimbo but the truth is, even if I'm tall enough, I'm not sure if I can handle the responsibilities that come with flying. I think I'll just work hard and pay for my own travels hahahahhaha.

Just submitted 10 poems for my Creative Writing module's final assignments and I'm finally done with my final in-school semester! Well, I still have two more exams to go but I'm back here! Hopefully I'll be more active in the weeks to come but here's a mini update because I feel so guilty that I haven't been updating or replying to comments ugh. I've been soooo busy with school and I can say that I've put in the most effort this semester. Let's hope that it shows in my results :-)

Life has been pretty smooth-sailing generally in the recent months that I was missing in action. While there was a period of turbulence, I understand that a little darkness is sometimes needed for me to see the light. And I came out stronger than before, so why not right? God, sometimes I'm not used to myself being so positive hahaha!

Now that I'm done with my final assignments and have already settled my internship placement (I got my dream internship!!!), I'm beginning to worry about university admission. This is something that has been bugging me for quite some time because I wasn't even sure if I wanted a degree in the beginning but since diplomas are kind of "the new O Level cert", I guess I need to up my game.

However, I always knew that money will be an issue so my plan was to start working before I start studying again. I thought I'd naturally decide on something once I start working but now that I'm so close to entering the workforce, the future seems a little too blurry for my liking. I'm someone who likes things structured and I want to set goals for myself to lead a fulfilling life so I feel rather uncomfortable that I haven't got anything to look forward to.

Now I'm fretting over what to study. Literally every lecturer I've met for the past five semesters said to not do another communication or media degree because ultimately, we'll be repeating what we've been doing. I've checked several brochures from different universities and what the lecturers said is kind of true but what if that's the only thing I'm interested in?

I don't see myself being in another industry other than media and I can't see myself studying something I barely have interest in either. I know most graduates go on to study social sciences or even business management but I'm not 100% sure that I'll have as much passion in other courses as I have in Mass Comm right now. To make matters worse, I'm limited by my lack of interest in mostly anything else, financial capabilities and an average GPA.

I honestly don't have a lot of options but I've cut them down to a few choices:

• Major in Communication, minor in Psychology
• Major in Communication, minor in Sociology
• Major in Sociology, minor in Communication
• Major in Sociology, minor in Psychology
• Major in Psychology, minor in Sociology

I guess I'll just be playing around with these three courses but I still need more time to weigh the pros and cons of each option and also if I think I can handle a double degree. I don't want to go into something without the drive to do well and waste my time. Thank god I'm taking a two year break to work before going back to studies so hopefully I'll have my life figured out by then.

Oh, whatever. Not that anyone on this platform cares much about my concern for my future hahaha. I promise I'll be back with better posts soon! I have lots of ideas but most of them are half-assed posts sitting in my drafts. I guess I'll refine them and post them soon hehe. Stay tuned!

Spending the last few days alone made me realised four things.

• My perception can change everything 

It's normal to fall into a slump sometimes but what's important is I snap myself out of it. For the past few days, I didn't let myself listen to the songs that would affect me and if I accidentally played them, I refused to succumb to my sadness or even write about it. I knew what were my trigger for tears and stopped thinking about those issues.

I'm ashamed to say I sobbed the first night then teared a little on the second. I knew you would have hated that. By the third day, I still find myself thinking of you, especially when I received good news because you were always the first one I turned to with good news, but I felt tranquility for the first time since forever. I am in control of my own emotions and I never even knew how much control I had till today.

I gave myself a break and stopped blaming everything on myself. For once, I learned to love myself, accept compliments and lived for myself; I didn't even do that on purpose, it just gradually happened. Instead of my usual volatile mood swings, I feel like I'm surrounded by serenity. Everything became brighter, the bleak future suddenly felt warm and hopeful. I guess, the world is not as bad as I thought it was after all.

• It's okay to not be okay

Initially I kept asked myself why but now I know change is necessary and inevitable. It's okay to leave some things unresolved, it's okay to not rush through things just because it's expected of us, it's okay to slow down, it's okay to have different opinions. Sometimes it's necessary to take a break so that we have the energy to continue the journey.

When I face a problem, my first instinct is to solve it; I focus so much on how to solve this problem and overthink, resulting in me missing out the better things in life. I've since learned to slow down and just enjoy the pace of life. Sometimes things don't happen the way I want them to, but that's okay because I'll still be okay in the end.

• My happiness relies on myself

I've relied on others for my happiness for long enough. It's time for me to take charge of my own happiness. In the past, I needed validation from others. They tell be I'll be fine, I'm good enough, my work is of excellent quality. When I receive no such affirmation, I assumed I'm not doing well causing me to feel paranoid and insecure. When I'm upset and the people I turned to did not reply fast enough, I thought I wasn't important and they didn't care about me.

It hasn't been this case for the past few days. I don't need others to tell me what I am or what I'm not; nobody knows me better than myself. For once in a long while, I feel okay with myself. I don't need constant assurance or replies to feel better. I don't have to compare myself to anyone else because I'm living my own life and nobody leads the same life. I'm fine with not having what other people have and I'm okay with moving at my own speed so long as I'm comfortable with it.

I know this sounds cliché but I spent the last few years looking for someone to love me when all I needed was to love myself. The few nights I spent alone reflecting taught me I have to love myself before anyone can even love me. I kept trying to find someone who could fix me when all I needed to fix was my perception, give myself a break and stop being my own biggest critique. When I find peace within myself, everything will fall into place. I realised, hey you know, I can survive on my own.

I never understood why people say, "find someone you don't need in your life but still want to have" but today I finally got it. The fact that I don't need anyone for my survival but still chose to be around the people I hang out with makes things even more precious.

• How fulfilling heavy workloads can actually be

I always loved school, and have always made it clear to everyone that I love whatever I'm doing. But this week, in particular, made me understand the saying "the roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet." There's no better feeling than getting praised for something you've worked so hard on and getting A(s) for unexpected assignments. 

At least when I'm busy, I know I'm doing something productive with my life instead of wasting my years away not knowing what's up or what's coming for me. Times like these I'm motivated to go on despite the crazy last three weeks of school. 

---

I keep forgetting how much control I have over my life. Nothing makes me sadder than me and nothing makes me happier than me.