BFF: are you excited for your travel!!!
Me: nah, it's more of a work trip than anything else actually
BFF: huh but you sounded excited to travel??

Which led me to wonder why is it that I'm feeling a flurry of emotions this time instead of excitement. I've always been someone extremely excitable and an avid traveller. No matter the situation, I've always been elated to be given the opportunity to fly.



Even stepping foot into Changi Airport makes me contented; I even go to the airport on some days just to sit there and stare at the planes taking off or landing. There's something really soothing about watching travellers hurry in and out of the airport. A calm that can get quite addictive.

Although living 20 minutes or less away from the airport helps a lot HAHAHA. I'm not crazy enough to travel an hour to just watch the planes go by.

For some reason, my upcoming travel is causing me more frustration and anxiety than anything else in my life. I'm guessing most of it stems from the fact that I'll be gone for almost a month and I'm not ready to leave some things behind.

Things that I feel like I need to fix before I can move on. Friendships, relationships, family issues. Even myself. Never one to leave loose threads hanging, my first instinct is always to talk things out with the other party involved when I encounter a problem.

But now I'm forced to leave my mess behind till I can return and solve things. I don't feel quite ready to leave it all behind when all I want right now is to work it out. I'm terrified because a lot can change in a month.

I haven't felt so alone in a long while. I feel like I'm fighting a lone battle with no one by my side. I keep slipping into the darkness, allowing it to consume me. Often, I forget to put up those walls I painstakingly built up over the last few months.