(written 11 July 2015)

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Meeting you was a wonderfully constructed miracle. I remember how my heart threatened to escape from my ribcage every time I bumped into you. How every notification from you gave me butterflies in my stomach, how your messages made me break into smiles uncontrollably.

Today, my heart still beats wildly but is it still because of love or from fear? I want it to be the former but it's slowly leaning towards the latter. The butterflies have transited to the sick feeling that causes my stomach to turn over, the smile that I hold now is from reading the messages you sent a long time ago.

Here you are, standing right in front of me, feeling a thousand miles away. Everything has changed. I'm trying my hardest to grasp on to what we had, saving every bit of our memory, holding us back, begging you to stay.

What's happening?