"Returning to where dreams began"

Caught Take Me to The Moon a few days ago, on my birthday. It's obvious by now that I love everything Taiwanese so watching Take Me to The Moon was naturally a requisite on my birthday. If I can't travel to Taiwan, then I'll bring Taiwan to me. I won't drieve too much into the movie yet because I want to keep the movie review for another day but Take Me to The Moon spoke to me.


For those unaware, my decision to quit my job and go back to studying for a degree full-time was heavily influenced by my love for Taiwan. I wanted to work in Taiwan but in a country with more than 5 million degree holders, it was difficult to secure an interview with just a diploma. Without a degree, even when I got a job offer, it was near to impossible to negotiate for better pay.

I used to be an advocate of following your dreams. I was so sure that I could do anything as long as I put my heart into it. I believed unless your dreams scare you, they're not considered dreams. I didn't care if relearning Chinese was going to be tough or that chances are slim, I was bent on furthering my studies for a remote possibility of working in Taiwan after graduation.

As I worked towards relocation, I met many obstacles that eventually waned my enthusiasm. People constantly told me to be realistic. The salary in Taiwan will never be comparable to Singapore's. I won't be able to send money home or live comfortably. I have family and friends in Singapore who love me, I shouldn't leave them behind.

I ended up in the paper chase. I forgot what was I working for. I accepted that my dreams were unrealistic, and I should stay in Singapore to be a filial daughter, a good friend. I stopped speaking of my dreams to move to Taiwan.

Take Me to The Moon reminded me that dreams were never about money — it's about your happiness, and nothing makes me happier than Taiwan. It's not about leaving the people I love behind to start anew. It's about forced independence, getting out of my comfort zone, and me growing as a person. Most importantly, it is about being in a place that comforts me.

Watching Take Me to The Moon felt like I was returning to where my dreams began. I still can be that wide-eyed girl who believes dreams do come true.

I noticed the surge in visitors finding my blog via the Google search, "Greendale Secondary School" in recent months, probably due to secondary one posting exercise after PSLE. curious, I searched for Greendale Secondary School myself, and the first few results were... Appalling, to say the least. Call this a review of my four years in Greendale Secondary — today I'm defending my alma mater, this is why Greendale Secondary School is not as bad as forums made it out to be.

Look, I know parents are worried. Is Greendale a good school? Greendale is a new school, what are its achievements? Is Greendale a school filled with gangsters? How are the teachers in Greendale? Do they care about the students? Looking at the top few Google search results, I'd be worried too, if I were a parent.

I'll be honest, I wasn't the best student. The horror stories are true: as a student, I skipped classes, climbed out of school gates, I got into both verbal and physical fights, I never did my homework. Everyone goes through those embarrassing teenage years we rather not remember, and I was a real handful during my rebellious phrase. But something must have gone right for me to be where I am today.

My teachers in Greendale were that something right.

Celebrating its tenth anniversary only in 2016, Greendale Secondary School is new but the teachers certainly aren't greenhorn (pun totally intended HAHAHA). My teachers knew how to deal with students, and had their way with me.

There are bad students everywhere. But hey, news flash, you don't have to live with your mistakes if you turn over a new leaf. Did it ruin my life? No, because I learnt. How could I not, when I had incredibly persistent teachers who made it their mission to turn my life right?

I know I wouldn't have the patience to constantly listen to some lame puppy love woes of a student who never paid attention in class. It took a while, but my teachers' persistent care and concern eventually broke my walls down.


I'm sure all parents know you don't apply most of the lessons you learn in school when you step into society. Even some of the modules I took in Ngee Ann Poly's Mass Comm became obsolete information although I only graduated in 2016. The world is changing at a ridiculously fast pace and adaptability is now one of the most sought-after skills.

The most important takeaway in your teenage years, in my humblest opinion, is the skills you learn and character you develop. I wasn't an exceptional student from a top secondary school but with the values Greendale instilled in me, I learnt so much more that was applicable to real life, the working world.

Greendale Secondary is not Singapore's top secondary school. Ranking by PSLE cut off point, Greendale is not even in Singapore's top 100. So? Ngee Ann Poly's Mass Comm, the most established media school in Singapore, still wanted me. (With the encouragement of my teachers from Greendale Secondary, I went for an interview because my O Level score didn't make the cut, and got into Mass Comm through that interview.)

I'm still lousy at studies upon graduation. My GPA in poly didn't bring me to any of the three main universities in Singapore. I'm not good at this studying thing, I admit. I don't have a degree. So? I stayed resilient, I climbed my way up the old school method, and I'm a manager at 21. The skills and the values Greendale Secondary School imparted accelerated my path to success.


If you aren't interested in personal development — academics wise, my teachers magically turn my horrifying L1R4 of 39 in secondary three to 15 for O Levels. That was reduction of more than half, in a year. Although I take a credit for my hard work that got me to where I am today, it wouldn't have been possible if not for my teachers woke me up and rooted for me.

One instance was when I struggled to speak in Chinese four months to O Level, but Greendale didn't give up on my or my classmates who were just as horrible in our Mother Tongue. Instead, my class had two Chinese teachers instead of one.

My strong-willed Chinese teacher, god bless her, pulled out some of the weakest students and gave us tuition two-to-one and even one-to-one. I went from F9 to B3. If grades don't say anything, please remember these Chinese blog posts were written by a girl who couldn't read a word of Chinese beyond Primary 2 level.

Honestly, there's not a lot of huge success stories behind Greendale graduates simply because most of my peers or seniors are still in universities. Trust me, we're working hard to change that.



The name of a school doesn't matter. The environment — the teachers who define the environment — does, and I can safely vouch for the passionate teachers in Greendale Secondary School.

P.S. I can't believe the rebellious teenager stayed up till 3am furiously typing this post because of the infuriating Google search. Shout out to my stalker teachers — I bet y'all can't believe it too.

「没穿过高中制服翘过一次课长大以后才会后悔！」呵呵，这就是我的少女时代。

啊～ 时间也过得太快了吧！谢谢 Facebook 提醒我这张照片的纯在 哈哈。一转眼整整六年就这样过了。以前爱翘课，吵架，打架的叛逆少女都长大了～～～ 回想过去时还真的不相信我以前那么皮，大胆，没礼貌。哇塞，好想赏他一巴掌喔 😳

有时会问自己，今天的我是当年我想要曾为的那一种人吗？小时候总以为自己长大后会赚大钱，变得很了不起，出社会后才怀念读书年代的天真，终于明白原来平凡也是一种幸福 ：）

(Written 2 January 2016)


When I was younger, I thought by the time I turn 20 surely I would have gotten my shit together (i.e. have a stable job, got married). Today, I turn 20 and well, let's just say that the 10-year-old me would be severely disappointed. I don't know what universe I lived in but my maths must have been nowhere near excellent. Even after taking the fastest generally-held route out there, I'm only on the brink of graduation.

Stable job? Ha. The most terrifying item on my to do list now is job hunting and let's not talk about getting married. This is Singapore we're speaking of, one of the most expensive cities to live in. For the life of me, I cannot fathom why I thought it was possible to get married by 20. Sure, shotgun marriages maybe but I'm not into that.

Thus, I learned my first lesson in my twenties. The difference between turning 10 and 20 is that reality check. You exchange your dreams for something more realistic, something less fun but earns you enough to keep your family going. You find yourself saying the kind of things you thought would only come out of your parents' mouth.

A tiny part of me haven't given up on my childhood dreams either. Just like a flame waiting to be rekindled. When I was 10, I wanted to be an author but let's be real here - how many Mr Midnights and True Singapore Ghost Stories can we have here? As far as I'm concerned, this blog is an outlet for me to visit my childhood dream once in a while and that's enough for me.

Growing up, it has been drilled into me that I have zero basic artistic talent, so much that I decided to take D&T instead of Art for my O Levels despite having taken a liking to art. Entering poly, I chose Mass Comm over a media design course because I had no confidence in my art sense. I never once thought I'd be talented in designing but surprise! After ten years of getting below average grades for Art, suddenly I'm told that I do possess a sense of art - I just can't draw. Thank god for the invention of computers.

Never underestimate the wonders of technology. Years ago, I would have never imagined myself in this position. Because of the bloom of Internet and social media, I found my calling and I'm living my childhood dreams both at once. I'm more than thankful to be born in this generation.

If I had a chance to speak to my 10-year-old self, I would tell her to continue blogging because one day, this once useless blog will actually aid me with what I majored in. While adults are stumped by the rapid advancement of the Internet and social media, I've been part of the growth and given the chance to work with amazing companies.

I would let her know that it's okay to dream big but 平凡也是一种幸福 (simplicity is a sort of happiness as well). I still don't go into a luxury store pointing to things I want with my perfectly manicured nails. Heck, I haven't been painting my nails and they've been breaking off often since I started on Invisalign. But I'm still happy, and I'm always working on making my life better.

I would remind her to keep her feet grounded. Never stop working hard - there's always someone better no matter how good I think I am. And that's okay too, because I don't wish to compare myself to anyone else. I just need to be the best version of myself.

I'd remind her to save up for more travel adventures. The world is a huge place and there is nothing more outrageous than staying stagnant in one spot. The thought of that alone frightens me. Travelling opens my eyes and humbles me; it's the best gift I can ever get for myself.

感覺有雙翅膀，能飛越高山和海洋 • missing Hong Kong, can't wait to be back 🇭🇰 #flySQ #singaporeairlines

A post shared by Yi Tsing 怡靜 (@pekyj) on Aug 14, 2016 at 4:18am PDT

Here's to another decade of living, loving, experiencing and exploring.

Rays of sunshine peeked at me through my windows, rousing me awake. The day I've been anticipating finally arrived and the excitement was getting unbearable. Counting down to that day since three years ago, I can say I was even more thrilled than I've ever been on any of my first dates. Jumping off my bed, I rushed to the bathroom with a spring in every step I took.

10 May 2016, the day my friends celebrate our achievements. All of our cheeks flushed with excitement, the exhilaration was getting too real. The day really arrived! Congratulatory words thrown at us everywhere we turned but I was too preoccupied with my own thoughts to compose a proper response.

I was still in disbelief that I made it. The odds were clearly stacked against me but I broke all barriers; the incredulousness of it all was making my head spin. Six years back, at 14, I set my eyes on this course. For the first time in my life EVER, I had an aim. I finally had an answer to the most important question in my life at that time, "What do you want to do after secondary school?"

Except one thing.

Mass Communication in Ngee Ann Polytechnic was, and still is, one of the most popular courses in Singapore. With a cut off point of 10, I had to score at least five A2s to even compete in the race. The look of disbelief, the doubtful casts my teachers showed me was self-explanatory — none of them thought I could make it. Mind you, I was on the verge of retaining a year because I scored mostly F9s, passing only English and even that wasn't anywhere near an A. Even passing O Levels was a seemingly daunting task.

As expected, I didn't do well. Let's not mention about five A2s when I did not score a single A. I remembered sliding and sinking onto the floor of my school hall, sobbing incessantly and shaking so badly because I had no back up plans. Media was my only choice and I knew it. What was I supposed to do?

Spoiler: I made it.

Everyone knows by now how JPSAE (now known as EAE) saved my ass. Even my lecturers know my blog via my YouTube video (which I'm really not proud of because I spoke so badly omg!). Before I knew it, I was enrolled and my toughest three years began. NP's School of Film and Media Studies isn't known for being Singapore's most established media school for nothing and Mass Comm has a reputation for being competitive for a reason.

Before enrolment, I heard stories about how coursemates regularly turned against each other and that backstabbing is a common occurrence. I heard from friends of friends that I'd never find true friends in FMS because that's just how the culture is and everyone's a bitch so the only way out is for me to learn to be a better bitch. I won't deny it scared me a little and my social anxiety didn't make things better. I even shed tears due to my nervousness!

That wasn't the case as I soon discovered. The people I met during my Freshmen Bonding Camp were lovely and my classmates were pleasant. Sure, I met one or two of those stereotyped FMS students but I gradually learnt that I had nothing much to be worried about, hence school only got more fun as the days after my enrolment flew by.

On our very first day, the director of FMS, affectionately known to us secret agents as Big Mama, informed us that FMS stands for Forever Missing Sleep and we should cherish whatever little sleep we had left. Boy, was that the understatement of my lifetime! Over my three years in Mass Comm, I was constantly sleep-deprived, turning me cranky and short-tempered. I swear I never stayed awake for so many nights in a row before I entered Mass Comm.

It was an ongoing uphill battle for me, with me continuously questioning my own abilities, especially when being shot questioning looks after I tell people my O Level score. I was hysterical nearing submission weeks because I wanted to prove my worth so desperately. Countless sleepless nights have taken a toll on my health but I've never been felt more fulfilled in my entire life. If anyone asks, my answer remains the same: it's crazy and I lost count of how many times I broke down but the tears were well worth it, no arguments about that. The last three years were tough but rewarding.

Lecturers always said, "If you can get through Mass Comm / FMS, you can get through anything in life." Today, as a full time working adult, I attest to that statement. Of course I still feel the pressure from my job sometimes but nothing can compare to what we were put through in FMS. The demanding workload brought out the best in me. Occasionally, I look back and wonder how did I get through those insane taxing three years without turning deranged.

"(My name)."

I recognised that voice — it's one of my favourite lecturers. Snapping back to reality, I realised I was already on the stage. There's no time to waste, I brisk walked purposefully to Big Mama while whispering ever so softly to myself left right left right. After all, I don't want the entire faculty's last memory of me to be that of a girl sprawling on the ground. Faltering to a stop in front of her, I saw Big Mama mouthed congratulations so I thanked her and we posed for a photo.

I remember being slightly disoriented — where should I place my hands? I hurriedly grab whichever part of the folder I could reach. Now, where is the cameraman? I only located him via the flash from his camera. Yup, it's too late, the photo's taken. I can only hope I don't look like a lost deer in my graduation photo.


In less than 30 seconds, the moment I eagerly awaited was over; three years of hard work in exchanged for 30 seconds on stage. As the Chinese saying goes, 台上一分钟，台下十年功 (literally: one minute onstage, ten years of hard work offstage).

Sauntering off the stage, carefully counting my steps before I disappeared from the eyes of the audience, I heaved a sigh of relief, complimenting myself for not tripping where the public could see (because I already tripped twice privately and it wasn't caught by most of the audience). I bounced out of the auditorium, hearing congratulatory words again, and did an internal cheer.

It was surreal as reality started to set in. It finally dawned upon me when I was handed my diploma and a graduation teddy bear proclaiming 'Class of 2016' — I did it!!! I'm officially a diploma holder and not just any diploma, it's a diploma in Mass Communication from the pioneer media school in Singapore! My dream came true!

The moments after the graduation ceremony were a whirl as I rushed everywhere to take photos with everyone. I'm disappointed that I missed taking photos with a huge amount of people, especially lecturers who influenced my life, turning me into a better person. Nonetheless, I have emailed most of them to thank them personally. Without them, there won't be this girl with a fiery passion and love for the media industry.


If anyone asks, please let them know that this is my one true love and nothing else comes close.

Thank you FMS, for believing in my abilities when my O Level score failed me, for seeing the potential in me when no one else did, for providing me with top-notch education in this industry with facilities unparalleled to the rest. Nothing is comparable to my three years in FMS; this school is truly a place for freaks and I will hold those memories close to my heart.

A photo posted by Regine 🌻 (@pekyj) on May 10, 2016 at 11:02pm PDT

Graduate lo!!! No more missing sleep!

Sure, I love being paid to do what I did for free in school and the fact that I'm being paid to do what I enjoy doing is great but more specifically, I love talking to the stewardesses and stewards from my internship place because they always have such interesting travel stories to share! (｡◕‿◕｡) Since I don't have the financial capabilities to travel yet, just listen to the stories also not bad right hahahhaha.

They get to travel so often around the world and their lives sounded so exciting that for a moment, I was tempted to join them as well! Plus, they get to do authentic designer shopping from locations like US and Europe and things are definitely a lot cheaper there. *shiny eyes* Everyone knows my weakness is Marc Jacobs!!! Doesn't hurt that their paychecks allow them to shop at designer stores without feeling the pinch.

Also because everyone there kept asking me if I'm planning to fly after I'm done with my internship and I'm very easily influenced wtf. But I remembered that I don't hit the height requirement for any airlines so my dreams are shattered before they even begin fml hahahhahahaha.

I'm beginning to sound like a bimbo but the truth is, even if I'm tall enough, I'm not sure if I can handle the responsibilities that come with flying. I think I'll just work hard and pay for my own travels hahahahhaha.

Just submitted 10 poems for my Creative Writing module's final assignments and I'm finally done with my final in-school semester! Well, I still have two more exams to go but I'm back here! Hopefully I'll be more active in the weeks to come but here's a mini update because I feel so guilty that I haven't been updating or replying to comments ugh. I've been soooo busy with school and I can say that I've put in the most effort this semester. Let's hope that it shows in my results :-)

Life has been pretty smooth-sailing generally in the recent months that I was missing in action. While there was a period of turbulence, I understand that a little darkness is sometimes needed for me to see the light. And I came out stronger than before, so why not right? God, sometimes I'm not used to myself being so positive hahaha!

Now that I'm done with my final assignments and have already settled my internship placement (I got my dream internship!!!), I'm beginning to worry about university admission. This is something that has been bugging me for quite some time because I wasn't even sure if I wanted a degree in the beginning but since diplomas are kind of "the new O Level cert", I guess I need to up my game.

However, I always knew that money will be an issue so my plan was to start working before I start studying again. I thought I'd naturally decide on something once I start working but now that I'm so close to entering the workforce, the future seems a little too blurry for my liking. I'm someone who likes things structured and I want to set goals for myself to lead a fulfilling life so I feel rather uncomfortable that I haven't got anything to look forward to.

Now I'm fretting over what to study. Literally every lecturer I've met for the past five semesters said to not do another communication or media degree because ultimately, we'll be repeating what we've been doing. I've checked several brochures from different universities and what the lecturers said is kind of true but what if that's the only thing I'm interested in?

I don't see myself being in another industry other than media and I can't see myself studying something I barely have interest in either. I know most graduates go on to study social sciences or even business management but I'm not 100% sure that I'll have as much passion in other courses as I have in Mass Comm right now. To make matters worse, I'm limited by my lack of interest in mostly anything else, financial capabilities and an average GPA.

I honestly don't have a lot of options but I've cut them down to a few choices:

• Major in Communication, minor in Psychology
• Major in Communication, minor in Sociology
• Major in Sociology, minor in Communication
• Major in Sociology, minor in Psychology
• Major in Psychology, minor in Sociology

I guess I'll just be playing around with these three courses but I still need more time to weigh the pros and cons of each option and also if I think I can handle a double degree. I don't want to go into something without the drive to do well and waste my time. Thank god I'm taking a two year break to work before going back to studies so hopefully I'll have my life figured out by then.

Oh, whatever. Not that anyone on this platform cares much about my concern for my future hahaha. I promise I'll be back with better posts soon! I have lots of ideas but most of them are half-assed posts sitting in my drafts. I guess I'll refine them and post them soon hehe. Stay tuned!

Spending the last few days alone made me realised four things.

• My perception can change everything 

It's normal to fall into a slump sometimes but what's important is I snap myself out of it. For the past few days, I didn't let myself listen to the songs that would affect me and if I accidentally played them, I refused to succumb to my sadness or even write about it. I knew what were my trigger for tears and stopped thinking about those issues.

I'm ashamed to say I sobbed the first night then teared a little on the second. I knew you would have hated that. By the third day, I still find myself thinking of you, especially when I received good news because you were always the first one I turned to with good news, but I felt tranquility for the first time since forever. I am in control of my own emotions and I never even knew how much control I had till today.

I gave myself a break and stopped blaming everything on myself. For once, I learned to love myself, accept compliments and lived for myself; I didn't even do that on purpose, it just gradually happened. Instead of my usual volatile mood swings, I feel like I'm surrounded by serenity. Everything became brighter, the bleak future suddenly felt warm and hopeful. I guess, the world is not as bad as I thought it was after all.

• It's okay to not be okay

Initially I kept asked myself why but now I know change is necessary and inevitable. It's okay to leave some things unresolved, it's okay to not rush through things just because it's expected of us, it's okay to slow down, it's okay to have different opinions. Sometimes it's necessary to take a break so that we have the energy to continue the journey.

When I face a problem, my first instinct is to solve it; I focus so much on how to solve this problem and overthink, resulting in me missing out the better things in life. I've since learned to slow down and just enjoy the pace of life. Sometimes things don't happen the way I want them to, but that's okay because I'll still be okay in the end.

• My happiness relies on myself

I've relied on others for my happiness for long enough. It's time for me to take charge of my own happiness. In the past, I needed validation from others. They tell be I'll be fine, I'm good enough, my work is of excellent quality. When I receive no such affirmation, I assumed I'm not doing well causing me to feel paranoid and insecure. When I'm upset and the people I turned to did not reply fast enough, I thought I wasn't important and they didn't care about me.

It hasn't been this case for the past few days. I don't need others to tell me what I am or what I'm not; nobody knows me better than myself. For once in a long while, I feel okay with myself. I don't need constant assurance or replies to feel better. I don't have to compare myself to anyone else because I'm living my own life and nobody leads the same life. I'm fine with not having what other people have and I'm okay with moving at my own speed so long as I'm comfortable with it.

I know this sounds cliché but I spent the last few years looking for someone to love me when all I needed was to love myself. The few nights I spent alone reflecting taught me I have to love myself before anyone can even love me. I kept trying to find someone who could fix me when all I needed to fix was my perception, give myself a break and stop being my own biggest critique. When I find peace within myself, everything will fall into place. I realised, hey you know, I can survive on my own.

I never understood why people say, "find someone you don't need in your life but still want to have" but today I finally got it. The fact that I don't need anyone for my survival but still chose to be around the people I hang out with makes things even more precious.

• How fulfilling heavy workloads can actually be

I always loved school, and have always made it clear to everyone that I love whatever I'm doing. But this week, in particular, made me understand the saying "the roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet." There's no better feeling than getting praised for something you've worked so hard on and getting A(s) for unexpected assignments. 

At least when I'm busy, I know I'm doing something productive with my life instead of wasting my years away not knowing what's up or what's coming for me. Times like these I'm motivated to go on despite the crazy last three weeks of school. 

---

I keep forgetting how much control I have over my life. Nothing makes me sadder than me and nothing makes me happier than me.

Hell month is here again with the endless submissions, tests, presentations whatsoever. As usual, when it comes to me, bad things don't just happen once in a while - they hit me like a wrecking ball all at once. It seems like everyday, someone just has to ruin life for me. I dread waking up every morning because I don't know what's going to hit me and I'm tired of acting like I don't care when I do. I'm sick of pretending I'm fine with everything and life is just a bed of roses when it's more like piles of shit. 

The past weeks has been dreadful due to several events happening over July. They leave behind an unpleasant taste in my mouth that I haven't been able to get rid of since. I haven't felt this way in a long time and it sucks that I can't talk to the person involved. It drives me to the edge that I'm unable to talk about it because I know nothing can be solved this way but sometimes I just wonder if some words are really better left unsaid...? I used to be so sure to say whatever I feel in an outright manner so that I don't have to hide my feelings but now I'm not sure anymore.

Anyhow, I'm glad my friends have been my pillar of strength, giving me difficulties keeping a straight face in class, encouraging me and keeping me sane :') Even though I know I'm being super spiteful towards people who intentionally hurt me, these friends are the ones who stayed to support me, laugh with me and occasionally remind me I'm being too extreme. I wish I could post screenshots of what we talk about but that would just get me into trouble so I'm not gonna do that. Lol.

In a way, I'm also thankful for the upcoming hell weeks because at least school will keep me distracted as it always does when I'm upset. Looking at the upcoming projects, I can only say despite how terrible I'm feeling deep inside, I know I'm really blessed. To be able to study what I love, to even enjoy what I'm doing when I'm drowning in my work. I've never experienced anything more satisfying than what I'm doing right now.

I'm busy and unhappy.
But that's okay.
Because I'll be okay.

School has been a nothing but a frantic rush for me in my third and final year of Mass Communication and much as I hate to say it, this blog might have to take a pause for now. It's not to say that I've lost my passion for writing (or ranting), it's just that I can no longer find it in me to update twice or thrice weekly anymore. It's not as if I no longer have the luxury of time, I still do but I'd rather use that time to read some books and do some revision of school work; something that's benefits my education and future career path.

My creative juices have been running dry; I used to get inspired by the books I read but I can hardly find time to read now. The lack of inspiration has never been more worrying than now because that's just what I need, especially when I'm taking a Creative Writing module which requires me to write poetry - something I'm not quite sure I'm well-versed in so I need to focus my energy on improving and creating better content before I dare show it to the world.

It's my final year. I'm so close to getting the diploma of my dreams. I want to do things right in the final year, cherish the chances I've been blessed with, excel in the modules that I've picked out myself and graduate without any regrets - even if it means that I have to stop updating so much. Or fretting over not updating. 

I'll still write, and even post a poem or two, but I cannot promise that I'll write as frequently as I used to. I still love this little space of mine and I'll never give it up but I believe taking things slow now can only benefit both my blog and myself in the long run.

And I'm sorry I've been only talking about my school life recently which must have been boring for everyone else but this is really what my life is all about now - to get that diploma as soon as possible so that I can begin working and lighten my mom's burden. Nonetheless, I promise to come up with some better verbal diarrhea real soon!

Let this be the start of my Monday Musings series because the most I can now is promise that I'll update once a week. I know today isn't Monday but I just want to get the word out because I just checked my stats and was shocked that there were still visitors on this dead blog haha. Till then! :-)

Everyone told me secondary school was going to be the best years of my life, I scoffed and thought, "if these were the best years, I'd hate to think what's gonna happen the rest of my life." But they were right - indeed, those were the best four years of my life thus far.  Just like any human being, I made mistakes. I made most of them when I was 15 and these are the mistakes I come to regret even till today. My brother just turned 15 last month and watching him grow reminded me of the mistakes my friends and I made and the lessons we learnt through the hard and painful way.

In no time at all, I'll be in my final year of Mass Comm. The past couple of years have been extremely taxing but rewarding; I've learnt so much and I can honestly say that I can't see myself else where. However, I can't help but feel conflicted as I count down to the days left till my senior year. On one hand, I've been blessed enough to be given the three electives I chose - Advance Advertising, Social Media Strategies and Creative Writing - and I'm thrilled to be able to work on modules that I absolutely adore again but on the other, I don't know what to do after graduation.

Being a student has been my identity for the past 15 years and I'm not ready to give this up yet. Student discounts and school holidays aside, I don't know if I'm mentally prepared for this. I can't help but feel that I'm neither here nor there. I don't feel ready to enter the working force but I don't know if I'll ever be ready.

I've been spending the past few days thinking about the near future. What I want to do at intern, what I want as a full time job, what do I want to do after graduation, where do I want to be? So many questions, so little time. It feels like I'm charging headfirst into the future without considering too much about the options I have, which terrifies me. Is it just me or does every graduating student feel this way?

One thing I know for sure is that I love travelling and I want to go travelling after ending school. I don't think I can afford to take a month or two off because that will cost waaaay too much but I'm hoping to at least have a week to travel during the period after my internship and before my graduation in 2016. It's my dream to visit the world someday.

I already have a country in mind that I've always wanted to visit but I've never been able to find the right companion because the price to travel to that place is exorbitant and it is generally an obscured and unpopular tourist destination. But all the better right? I've never been an avid follower of the conventional path anyway. 

Because I haven't met a right travel companion so far, this impending trip will potentially be my first solo travel. Although I'm quite apprehensive, I know I will overcome the panicky feelings in no time and the eyeopening trip is going to be so worth it. I definitely can't wait to step foot onto the ground I've only been able to read up on so far! I just know that it's gonna be so wonderfully surreal and amazing.

Well, to justify for such a costly travel, I'm going to work doubly hard this coming semester so I won't feel guilty about spending my savings or taking time off. Jiayou! :)

Okay, I have answered at least 300 questions on my askfm about JPSAE (not even kidding) and I still have another 120++ questions that are unanswered. It doesn't help that most people are self-entitled and rude!!! :( I'm not obligated to do this okay, I'm taking time and sacrificing my sleep because I'm nice like that. *flips hair wtf*

Jokes aside, I'm just really thankful to Ngee Ann Poly that I got to live my dreams and I thought the least I could do was to give back to society. But I'm so tired of repeating myself for those who refuse to scroll through my answers or even Google for a simple answer so I'm just gonna consolidate the most frequently asked questions and link people here from now on.

Do note that whatever has been said here does not represent any schools or websites and I am merely speaking from personal experiences or my general knowledge of JPSAE. Please don't bring my blog to MOE or whichever poly you're applying for and go, "but she said this!!!" I just felt the need to put this disclaimer because people can be unbelievable sometimes.

1. What did you put in your portfolio?
Basically, include the achievements that you talked about during your jpsae application, any extra achievements that you think they should know, your o level results slip, and secondary school report/result slips. Also, go read my post and watch my video. (link)

2. What did the lecturers ask you?
Read my post and watch my video. (link)

3. Can I apply for JPSAE if I am *blabla* points away from the cut off point?
So long as you meet the requirements for JPSAE, you can apply. JPSAE doesn't care about your points whatsoever. As long as you have what it takes, the course will accept you. Anyway, I was 5 points above from Mass Comm's cut off point of 10 and I'm still here so yup!

4. What did you write in your 500 characters essay?
"I frequently top the class in English & overall results. I received the Edusave good progress award & my writing was published in The Little Red Dot. I was the chairman of my class, in charge of designing & updating my class blogs & class tees, & received an A for Project Work, proving that I get along well with my peers. I performed at the SYF Opening Ceremony as part of the choir. Being a journalist has always been my dream & this course will allow me to pick up skills needed in the industry."

5. I have no achievements whatsoever but I really want to get in to the course. What should I do?
Any CIP? Ever topped the class in anything? Why do you want to get in? Talk about your passion and how the course can aid you in your future career path!

6. Any tips for the interview?
Stay calm, be confident, smile, look good, dress smart. First impressions matter more than you think they do. Do your research on your desired course and know what you're saying during the interview.

7. When was your interview? / When did you get the call?
In my year (batch of 2012), the results release date was 10 January 2013, I got the call and email on 18 January and my interview was on 22 January.

8. Do you think I can make it through JPSAE if I *blabla achievements*? / What are the chances of me getting in?
I have no say in this; it really depends on your achievements - how big are they and how are they related to your course - plus how you fared for your interview. Plus your chances of getting in are dependent on many factors like the number of people applying for your course, your portfolio, what can you give the course should they accept you.

9. What do I do if I don't have any testimonials to bring to the interview?
I didn't have any either so don't worry too much about the testimonials. In fact, my interviewers didn't asked about it at all.

10. Will the school call if my application gets rejected?
No, the school only calls up those who have been shortlisted for interviews.

11. I don't have any leadership position, will I still make it through JPSAE?
Meh, I didn't even go for my CCA so don't worry about that LOL. As I said, if they see the potential in you, you will get the course.

12. Did you photocopy your portfolio/results slips or gave them the original?
I made a photocopy in case they want to keep my portfolio but my interviewers didn't ask about my portfolio at all which was rather surprising. I'm not sure if any lecturers keep any of the portfolio but it's always better to only give them the photocopied versions.

13. How should my portfolio look like?
I didn't have a front page at all lololol. I just put everything into a clear A4 protector and went for the interview. It'll be great if you can have a front page lest they ask for your portfolio because first impression counts!

14. Am I allowed to choose two different courses from the same polytechnic / two different courses from different polytechnics / two same courses from different polytechnic?
Yes, you can do that.

15. What do you think was so special about your application that got you into Mass Comm via JPSAE?
If I have to pinpoint one thing, I'd say it's the fact that I started advertising on my Twitter and blog when social media marketing wasn't that much of a huge deal yet. I was part of the growth and I am well-versed in online media, which, I think, impressed my interviewers.

16. What did you wear for your interview / what should I wear for my interview?


This was what I wore but thinking back, I wouldn't recommend it. My skirt's too short and denim is probably too casual, plus my top was a crop top. I'd say it's better to dress up rather than down - I'd rather wear a formal business attire compared to jeans. But of course, this is just my opinion and I am not a lecturer so I don't know what do they really think.

---


That's all for now and I'll keep on adding in new questions that I get asked a lot.

For any other questions that you have but are unlisted here, feel free to ask me at my askfm. I'll try to answer them as soon as possible!

Good luck, everyone! :-)

Update: Just got the news that Joint Polytechnic Special Admissions Exercise (JPSAE) has been merged with Direct Poly Admission (DPA) to form Early Admissions Exercise (EAE).

I think majority of my readers are around my age and some slightly younger. Naturally, I've received questions on O Level exams, results, JAE, JPSAE, DAE etc. But one questions I've received a lot is: "How did you know what course to pick?" or "How did you know you've made the right choice coming to Mass Comm?"

There are so many different diplomas being offered in the five polytechnics and new ones are constantly popping up. Students are spoilt for choice nowadays so how do they know what's right for them?

I can't speak for others, but for me, I chose Mass Communication in Ngee Ann Polytechnic purely based on my passion. I think the first step to finding finding your perfect dream course is to know what you LOVE doing and can imagine yourself doing for the rest of your life.

Let me tell you this - poly life is tough. Forget about all those teachers who told you O Levels are the hardest you'll ever work - poly will push your limits. I cannot even begin to explain how many times I've broken down due to the stress and the never-ending work.




 Yup, busy busy busy. But still nothing compared to Year 2.



Nope, no such thing as busy weeks in Year 2. Hell weeks are the new typical weeks in Year 2 looks like and it is fucking hell. I don't remember sleeping more than four hours every day and I even went a few nights without sleeping. Trust me, when you're here sometimes you'll even forget how your bed feels like and you'll never take sleeping for granted again.

But why am I still here? Why are my coursemates still hanging on?

Passion.

I can't emphasize on how important that is. Yes, I'm exhausted but I'm tired and happy. I'm happy slogging my guts out and I can't imagine myself doing anything else.

I decided and knew this was the course for me at 14 and now I'm less than two weeks shy of being 19. I think I'm very lucky that this passion in me never died and the media continues to intrigue me as much as it did almost 5 years ago.

5 years ago, I was just this rebellious ahlian who knew nothing beyond wanting to be able to chase my dream. Today, I'm chasing my dream and I'm more than halfway through it. I can't be more grateful :')

At 14, I was unmotivated and hardly ever felt passionate. There were only three things I was interested in (and still love) - history, North Korea and reading/writing. It's a known fact that I love writing and reading but not many people know that I actually adore history and have great interest in North Korea!

I started reading about War World 2 and Hitler when I was eight. I knew all the little known facts about Hitler and the little nuggets of info about WW2 that even my friends who took History didn't know about even though I didn't take history as an O level subject.

But getting a history diploma/degree is kinda redundant because what can I do with it? Be a teacher? I'll be strangling kids within a week.

And then there's North Korea, which is just as intriguing. I've read up so much on North Korea that I can answer almost any question about this reclusive country. I'd love to share my knowledge of North Korea but I don't want to bore anyone to death.

Anyway, I wasn't as interested in North Korea back then as I am now but even if I was, there's no diploma for North Korean studies in Singapore and flying to Seoul to get a degree for this is impossible because I don't even speak that language!

The above two were also not viable career choices so I was left with my love for reading and writing. I already owned a blog at that point and this was during the rise of online advertising, which I thought was an amazing concept.

I Googled a little about English diplomas in Singapore and viola! Media and Communication in Singapore Polytechnic came out. Dug a little deeper and found Mass Communication in Ngee Ann Polytechnic, which is the most established media course in Singapore. So that's how I decided to be here.

I dare to say that ignoring the obstacles I faced and following my dreams was the best choice I've ever made with regards to my studies and one of the best decisions of my life. I'm constantly facing stress but at least I'm never filled with regrets.

I hope my little story inspires some of you out there to make a choice and follow your passion. I've always believed that being passionate can get you further than grades can so I hope all of you out there find the courage to chase your dreams and do what you like!

You can ask me anything else at ask.fm/pekyj :))

P.S. Heard that Joint Polytechnic Special Admissions Exercise (JPSAE) was merged with Direct Poly Admission (DPA) to form Early Admissions Exercise (EAE). I supposed the interviews are almost the same anyway.

Call me slow but I just found out about the recent PSLE results release. Six years ago, I received my PSLE results in my school hall. I remember crying badly, sobbing my hearts out. I remember the whole school hall staring at me because most of my peers did well. I, on the other hand, did so much worse than expected that I couldn't make it to any of the secondary schools I marked out.

Then I made a silly decision. That I would go to the school that my then-crush was choosing. That I would follow all my friends since that was also the school most of them chose. That I would put Greendale Secondary School as my first choice. Damn, best decision ever.

When I chose Greendale, the cut off point was a mere 189. Nothing impressive at all but meh, my score wasn't anything impressive either. I entered knowing that I would be placed in the best class with my t-score a lot higher than the COP.

But what I didn't know is that at the end of my first year, I would drop to the third class and then to the last class in Sec 3. I wasn't even allowed to choose my subject combinations; they chose me and I was in a class with people I didn't like and the combinations I hate. Of course, I didn't do well and almost had to repeat a year.

But if I could turn back in time, would I have studied harder during PSLE and get into a better secondary school? No, definitely not. I don't regret any bit of my secondary school life and I can say that those experiences made me a much better person than I was.

So what if I get into the best secondary school and get great results but I don't know how to treat my friends or have never fallen in love? The experiences I gained from Greendale are life lessons no teacher could teach. I have friends from relatively good schools but they don't know the value of life.

The things they know revolve around scoring good results, getting high GPA, studying for tests. Never skipped a lesson in their life, never done well for practical tests. But life after school is all about applying what you learn; nobody cares if you scored a 4.0.

The teachers you have can't teach you how to keep people in your life or get over an heartbreak. They can teach you every subject possible but they can't teach you how to date or how to enjoy your youth.

How many times have I faked an MC to catch a movie, get suspended for my hair colour and go shopping instead? I don't regret these because it's part of growing up and finding myself. I was a rebellious teen and I learned things through the hard way.

If I had put dating aside, and focused on school, I wouldn't be so sure of the guys I want. I would have still been awkward around guys. I wouldn't be as open-minded as I am now. I would still be that frog in my own little well.

If I gave it my all during my secondary school years, would my teachers be worried about me? No, but I wouldn't be so close to any of them either because they wouldn't have a reason to pull me aside to talk to me. But today, I'm still close to most of the teachers because they were the ones who were there when I was weak.

If I put my studies first instead of my friends then, would I know the pain of losing a friend? Would I learn that pushing people away isn't going to make them stay? Would anyone tell me that the people I cherish would not be there forever?

If I had all the time in the world (aka 4 years but 4 years is a long period of time), would I have known how to study smart instead of hard? If I did things the "nerd" way, I would have gotten a single digit for O levels but will I cherish my place at Mass Comm this much? No, because I wouldn't have fought so hard for what I want.

I'm not saying that studies isn't important - it is. But what I'm saying is that there's more to life than just getting A(s) for your every test, and getting a good GPA. You are young, you should enjoy your teenage years before they end.

Therefore, let go of getting an A1 for everything, forget it if you didn't get into a good school. Do what you should, fail a little tests sometimes, don't do what you don't like, and most importantly, have fun.

Your secondary school years are going to be one of the best years of your life.

Good luck :-)

One of those days when I don't feel good again. It has happened so often recently and I've been getting irritated over the littlest things lately :/ I've been feeling so inadequate and then I make things worse for myself by stalking pretty girls and feeling even more insecure ugh sometimes I think I deserve it? Wtf.

Today something happened that made me feel...... Rather uneasy? No, that's not the word but I can't find better words to describe it so I'll leave it at that. I still find it hard to talk to people about things and I keep most of my thoughts to myself so it doesn't help much :/ But I'm thankful that the people around me let me be instead of forcing an answer out of me. I don't know, maybe I'll speak about it someday and figure things out but now I'm just retreating back to my shell. We'll see how it goes I guess.

Even though it's only the beginning of the third week of school, I'm so done with this semester already. I started counting down to Christmas break today, and it is only 47 days away!!! Kind of looking forward to Christmas even though I don't have any plans and my birthday even though I don't have any plans too. Lolol. I guess I'm just looking forward to relaxing and giving myself a break.

But I never really truly give myself time to rest. When I'm not studying, I'm just myself busy basically with all the other work that I have. But I'm lucky in the sense that I have the privilege to do what I love so everything isn't that bad after all.

Recently, I've been making plans to launch something on my blog too. While I'm not too sure of the details yet, this is something I've been wanting to do for a long time now so I'm rather excited :-) Well at least there's something to look forward to. :))

After looking at things from another angle, I think I'm quite fortunate and I shouldn't be complaining so much. I think this is one of the reasons I love writing so much :) But this post is so boring without much thought put into it but I'll write again soon when I feel a little better. :)

I'm sorry if I've avoided your questions on my askfm but I really seek your understanding; I will talk when I'm ready. Also, thank you for leaving me the nicest messages on my askfm I really appreciate all of them even though I can't answer some due to privacy issues.

Thank you all ♡♡♡

When I first started blogging, it was more of a sharing my life with people around me thing. I was only 8 when I wrote my first post and back then I couldn't even spell dare properly. Then I stopped for some reason and at 11, I started writing again.

I remember it was when Hotmail rolled out a new feature called Windows Live Space so I decided to give it a try. My theme was purple and my username was freedom89757 wtf. I had no idea why freedom but 89757 was from a JJ Lin song and I used to like him a lot (mainly because a popular girl in my class liked him WTF more about that next time).

I wrote mainly about friendship issues and my daily life. I think reading my old posts would be both hilarious and embarrassing but I unfortunately got hacked by a girl I trusted too much and never got my old posts back. This is why the posts from my blog begins from November 2007 (which was when I was 11).

I think blogging brought me a lot of benefits. Like the above incident. I learned to not be so trusting and some people are fuckers no matter how hard you try to be nice to them.

At 12, I got into trouble with the school for blogging. I was, apparently, not allowed to talk shit about people and the school online because that's defamation. That's also bullshit because I spoke of nothing but the truth. As I said, I was merely blogging about my daily life and not even writing opinion pieces like I sometimes do now.

I was also not allowed to post photos of my friends and I having fun (e.g. playing at the playground) because it "damages the school's reputation." Well if the school's reputation gets damages so easily then maybe it doesn't have any to begin with? Hmmmm.

Just a disclaimer: I still think my primary school is a great one and if I stay near Punggol in the future, I would definitely send my kids there - I just didn't agreed with how they handled the matter and how they only saw things from one perspective. Other than that, it was a wonderful school and the principal was so willing to help even 5 years after my graduation when I went back for an interview for a poly assignment!

So anyway, at 13, I got into trouble with the school over my posts yet again. It was during times like these that I really wanted to give up blogging. At that time, I wasn't earning money from blogging so I was basically only writing because I wanted to share my life with my family and friends. Which is pretty ironic considering I don't write much 'Pekyj Daily' posts anymore.

Along the way, I gathered more readers and started having friends of friends and their friends reading my blog. I can't even say I know why people liked reading my blog because I typed like an ahlian back then but somewhere around this time, I decided to use my blog as a writing platform since the compositions I had to write in school didn't allow me to express myself enough.

Then I started receiving compliments on my writings and it made me feel sooooo good. I hardly feel good about myself but if there's one thing I'm confident of, it is my writings. It made me so happy knowing that people enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing :)) Not only that, I started earning via blogging so I was essentially being paid for doing what I'd totally do for free!

But I got busy with school and eventually stopped writing. I also only blogged around twice in a month so I lost a lot of the first batch of readers I had. I don't blame them either because most of my blog posts were half-assed and I barely spend an hour on them.

But some time ago in mid 2013, I broke up with an ex-boyfriend and started writing again. I merely wanted to pen down my sorrows but somehow, I began picking up where I left off. My first few writings then were slightly awkward but I started getting the hang of it again.

Even then, I never gained back the readers I lost and I only had a handful of readers. I was virtually talking to myself and maybe some of my friends who were trying to catch up on my life. At this point, I was earning next to nothing from my blog but my love for writing was rekindled. Since I wasn't earning, blogging was no longer a chore and it became something I looked forward to.

I remembered why did I love writing in the first place. I love being able to voice things out. Most of all, I love how in poly, especially in my school (school of film and media studies), we are encouraged to be creative. I no longer have to censor my posts, I could write whatever I wish as long as I take responsibility for my words.

Man, do I love the freedom of speech! This freedom given to me rekindled my love for writing and I started writing more. I formed my own opinion and developed my own identity. I no longer had to conform to what my primary/secondary schools think is acceptable. Of course, along the way, I also learned that not spouting nonsense and doing enough research before publishing a post helps. A lot.

Slowly, I gained readership again but I never took notice of it because I have already stopped obsessing over my daily stats. Then recently, a friend of mine told me a lot of people he knows read my blog. Another friend told me he loved my writing. And I started receiving a lot more questions on a daily basis on my askfm.

Then I checked my stats for the first time in months and I went, "HOLY SHIT, I'm no longer just talking to myself!!!" I'm not going to reveal the digits but I love how I have an audience now and that I keep getting praises for my writing. Come on now, everybody loves to be praised, no? 


But yes, I am human, and I make mistakes sometimes. I am still learning and I seek your forgiveness if you ever felt personally victimised by my blog posts wtf. It sounds so dramatic but I know words can kill and I can be quite careless with my words sometimes. I am thankful for what I have now and I will try my best be responsible for what I'm posting.

I am deeply humbled if you are here today because you like my writings or my occasional useless rants. Whoever you are, however you stumbled upon my blog, thank you for being here. Thank you for being nice to me and defending me on my askfm even though you really don't have a need to do that.


Happy 10th anniversary to my blog!

I will try my best to keep you coming back for more (wink wink hahahhahaha) and continue to be entertaining. Uhhh, I initially wanted to insert a clown image here but all the images I found on Google are creepy as fuck and now I'm afraid to sleep wtf kill me. No, not the killer clown. Hahahahahha.....hahaha....ha....ha......ha.......

Here's to another ten years of bad humour!!!

And to people leaving mean comments on my askfm,

But really, your hate isn't going to get to me. If anything, it motivates me to become a better person than YOU. So thank you too, for helping me become a better person. ;)

You can watch out for me and give me advice if you have the experience but what I can't fucking stand is self-righteous people telling me what should I do or not do, judging and condemning my every action as if they are God. I am so tired of judgmental pricks telling me I shouldn't say this and that about a person just because s/he is my friend and it's just project work. JUST?!?!?!

If you are not in Mass Comm, you probably won't understand why is having good teammates so important. And if you aren't in my team for any module, I don't think you have a right to judge the way I act towards someone. Basically, you can shut the fuck up :)
Just because I can separate work and personal issues doesn't make me a hypocrite.