2013 has been a crazy ride.

So far, this year, I got disappointed by my O Level results, ended my previous relationship of 2.5 years, and ended it again, and ended it for good (lol ikr), enrolled in Ngee Ann Polytechnic, School of Film and Media Studies, Mass Communication and attended their Freshmen Bonding Camp, dyed my hair green, wrote a (virtual) letter to the 14-year-old me, dyed my hair blue, bleached my hair twice before dyeing it ash blonde, went on my first trip overseas without adult supervision with Jacinta (Day 1 // Day 2 // Day 3 // Day 4), accidentally made a public confession to my then-crush/now-boyfriend on my blog (wtf - I didn't know he reads my blog), got into a relationship again, dyed my hair brown again and cut my hair (and never got around to blogging about it lolol)

And I talked about how I went from a F9 to a B3 for Chinese O Level, askfm questions regarding privacy, my low self-esteem (I'm feeling better about myself already, in case any of you are wondering), improving Maths and English for O Levels, being an introvert, Singapore's haze situation this year, my tarot card and palm reading experience, how I feel neglected by my father, my battle with "depression/eating disorder", NS relationships (I've been asked a lot about this and I will blog about it soon!) why I don't like Selena Gomez/the Jelena relationship, why I don't fit in in my new class, losing my primary school best friend, how I'm a conversation killer, true happiness.

All in all, 2013 has been a year of ups and downs, and I am so grateful for all the chances given to me, all the lessons learnt, and all the wonderful people that entered my life. 2014 means another year of adventure, another year of wisdom, another year of life lessons, and most importantly, I am finally turning legal in 2014 lolol. I'm definitely looking forward!

We spend our whole lives pursuing happiness. Maybe it's because of the fairytales we read when we were younger. They all lived happily ever after, didn't they? 

And so, we fall in love over and over again in hopes of finding the right one that will bring us a lifetime of happiness. We study hard so that we can have a higher chance of securing a better job in the future and thus, living a happier life.

But these aren't happiness. 

There's no amount of money, no amount of achievements, no amount of Twitter or Instagram followers, no amount of scholarships you win that will eventually bring you ultimate happiness.

True happiness is when you focus on the little things around you; when you enjoy the simple daily experiences life brings you.

Even if it means letting go of the other things.

And I will let you go,

if it means you will be happier.

I guess I've grown to learn that everyone leaves someday. I don't mean to sound like a bitter teenager but the truth is, as you grow up, your circle of friends will inevitably become smaller. I no longer wish to please everybody, or get to know more people, because the people I have in my life is enough. It scares me how everything is changing everyday, sometimes so gradually that even I myself do not notice it.

Today, I visited your Facebook page again for the first time in years because we don't even bother wishing each other a simple "happy birthday" anymore. A wave of nostalgia hit me hard. When was the last time we met each other? I don't know if you remember but it was three years ago, right after my end-of-year examinations. We had so much fun then, even though we were only camwhoring and gossiping, even though we had nowhere to go and were only sitting down at a random corner in Compass Point.

How are you? Are you doing fine? I realised I don't have the answers to these questions so I visited your blog, and I don't remember when was the last time I did that. Well, it's nice to know that you've been doing great, that you're enjoying school and loving what you're doing. Then it dawned upon me that I don't even know what course are you in right now. And I had to ask a friend to know what school you're in right now. Kinda pathetic, isn't it?

Do you still think of me and reminiscence about our friendship as much as I do? Because whenever I talk about my primary or secondary school life, you're one of the first few faces that appear in my mind.

You were my first best friend in primary school and the only one I still met up frequently with after graduation. My first sleep over was at your house, where we had so much fun together. I was there when you had your first boyfriend and your first heartbreak. And you were here when I went through mine. Who would have thought we would end up not talking for no rhyme or reason at all?

Who would have thought that one day, you just decided to walk out of my life without any last words? I wouldn't have thought so. But you did. One day, you just decided that I was no longer needed in your life. Poof, and off you go, leaving no trace our past friendship. What happened?

I tried. I tried to reconnect with you, I tried to meet up with you, I tried to accommodate to your schedule; I even gave up several gatherings for the chance of catching up with you. But you played me out.

You treated me like a fool. You really did. And I was a fool to have believed you.