People always say that as you grow older, you learn who your true friends are. However, I feel like it's the opposite for me. The older I am, the harder it is for me to differentiate who wants to be here for me and who only wants a part of me. What is it about me that allows people to leave so easily?

Every time someone talks to me, I question their intentions. I find it exhausting to be so paranoid but I have to build walls to protect myself. I'm sick of letting people in easily just to get hurt in the end. I hate thinking that someone cares about me or that they're gonna stay in my life permanently only to watch them leave when they're done with me.

I'm tired of all these people in my life.

Help me. I'm so worn out...

I have to admit that things are getting hard. I can't get you out of my mind but I can't go back to the past. Something is absent from my life. Moving about daily feel like chores to me; even breathing feels difficult at times. Why does everything reminds me of you...?

I do nothing but mope around all day. I feel myself destroying what I've built up over so many years. I try to write my but every piece seems inadequate. How can I put the overwhelming feeling we shared into words? There's nothing I can do except torture myself with memories of you.

Tell me, what can I do to forget?

Why did you say something you never meant?

Wrote this awhile back.

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I didn't want to fall back into the game of love; it's too complicated and it's not for me. At least not yet. But you came along with your stupid jokes and I can't stop laughing when I'm with you. I find myself sounding like a teenage girl again, giggling at everything you said.

You provided me with the care and concern that has been absent in my life for the past few months and I find myself opening up and teasing you more as the days fly by. I felt a jolt of electricity run through my spine when you first held me. I can say no, I can act like I don't care but I can't deny the butterflies in my stomach.

That's when I know I'm screwed again.