With every break up, you learn. Or at least, that has been my mantra for the past months — as if repeating those words would ease the pain. This is the first time I'm admitting to the break up online, and it may very well be the last.

A huge part of our relationship was offline because of the private person that he is, so if you're here for tittle-tattles, the exit is right that way. I'm not about to reveal anything that intrudes his privacy just because things ended between us. Call it narcissistic (I'm pretty sure owning a blog to talk solely about myself is already narcissistic behaviour anyway), but I want this to be about me, and my road to healing. 

***

I detest the timeline society slaps on me. Was I expected to be moping around all day? Can I not embrace life yet? There's a societal expectation that my previous relationship lasted X amount of years, so it should take me X amount of time to let go. Any longer, I've been hung up for too long. Any shorter, I mustn't have been serious.

If love is not 1+1=2 then why is letting go simplified to an equation?

Contrary to popular portrayals by Hollywood movies, us falling apart didn't happen overnight. Hardly any relationship comes to pieces with such great speed. We were prepared for it, and we have been for an extended period of time. At the end of the day, wariness breeds weariness. It's not something you can live with for long, and certainly not something you want to live with for the rest of your life. They say the eyes are windows to the soul; by the time I finally accepted our fate, my eyes already lost their sparks.

Recalling the nights I almost lost my sanity... Nobody can say we didn't try. We wanted, more than anyone and anything else, for things to work. But sometimes love isn't enough. It took me long enough to accept that when fate is a cruel game played by the most sadistic hands, love — no matter how deep or true — will never be enough. Two good people can be bad for each other, and there's nothing wrong with that. C'est la vie.

If you weren't there when the fatigue overtook my body, then who are you to impose a timeline on me? Picking myself up after the fall was laborious enough. I just want to be allowed to heal at my own pace, thank you very much.




曾经最美的风景 你微笑的侧脸
朋友笑我遮了眼 爱上就很疯癫
女人啊 总这样 傻傻爱 忘记了考验
找寻又找寻 像抓不住的烟

偶尔还是 梦到你 我该再收敛
虽然痛 把你藏 心里面

每次走过那间店 总习惯望里面
你碰倒我的咖啡 是相遇的瞬间
爱来了 爱走了 没排练 我牢记每天
要多少眼泪 才能写成一篇

其实常常 提起你 还是会想念
倔强的 我们都 难改变

放开的手 难再牵
没有什么 好亏欠
经历的 每件事 都会是恩典
忘记你的脸 要花好多年
But I know I will let you go somehow

我只想 大步走向前
让阳光 晒到发亮 烦恼放一边
放下你放过自己 夜里 不准有眼泪不准失眠
说好要过的鲜艳

我只想 大步走向前
很不舍 都要能够 笑着说再见
不再依靠谁的肩 终于长大了 终于我勇敢了
没有你一样很好 goodbye my love
再见 my love

My motivation to pick up my figurative pen and paper has always been linked to my reading habits, which have been largely absent in my last year of university. After what felt like an eternity — six months to be exact, while I finished the last bits of my dreaded university life — I finally had the time to read again.

I’m embarrassed to admit that it wasn’t the first thing I picked up upon submitting my first assignment. I had surrendered to the age of technology saturation and turned to YouTube and Netflix and, upon completing every series I was interested in, finally my Kindle.

I found my Kindle with its battery exhausted and literally covered in dust due to the construction nearby my house. The cover was scratched, battered, and as yellow as a book in storage. I couldn’t have found a better literary representation of the relationship between my Kindle and I. Pardon the unforeseen sentiments.

I got the Kindle during my first internship stint four years ago, which seemed like only yesterday although the six months I was away from my e-books felt like forever. Time is a master of deception, isn’t it?

I held several positions since then. A full-time marketing position, going back to being a clueless intern, then facing endless clients as a freelancer. I travelled with my Kindle, conquering the countries I declared, as a young dreamer, I’d visit someday.

For four tumultuous yet significant years, I’ve had my Kindle. Looking back, it’s rather ironic that the Kindle lasted longer than my friendship with the people who persuaded me to not get it.
 Adult friendships, as I learnt, do not end with a monumental melodramatic fight — it gradually fizzles out, like a coke that has been left on the table for far too long. Sometimes you let it be. Sometimes it’s long been depleted before even the most discerning person notices it.

It doesn’t hurt any less just because I’m an adult now — or maybe, just maybe, I’m not an adult yet because I haven’t grown numb to it. That’s fine. Or at least I keep telling myself that it is. Life is short. Celebrate the wins and don’t beat yourself too much over the losses. One day, it’ll come a full circle; maybe we’ll meet again and chatter endlessly about the things that don’t matter as if time never passed.

Perhaps it’s time to let go of these memories, we can’t hold on to them forever. Perhaps it’s fine to not have control. Perhaps we can’t keep fixing everything.

The one thing that’s for sure? It’s time to get a new Kindle cover.

Brushing our major bad luck with Big Ben and Westminister Abbey aside, we trudged on to Buckingham Palace. Most people know I'm vehemently against any form of exercise but I walk a lot more when I'm overseas. Maybe it's the fresher air, or colder climate, or maybe it's the fact that I enjoy more sights travelling by foot. Maybe it's a combination of all these factors with a tinge of thriftiness.


Here is Cheryl holding a bunch of things (including snacks from our hostel and Marks & Spencer that we had for lunch to save money) in a plastic bag because our bags were too small to fit everything in. This is what happens when you travel with two girls.






Haven't had the opportunity to witness cherry blossoms in Japan, but found happiness in some pink flowers in London anyway!


True to my bad luck magnet tendencies, Buckingham Palace was barricaded with a sea of people crowding around for an event I presume was happening that day.




The place was brimmed with tourists, each wanting to get their perfect shot of the royal palace. I wonder what's it like to live in a place that has turned into a major tourist attraction, and under constant scrutinisation from the public...




It takes talent to photograph Buckingham Palace as a serene place considering it was bustling with tourists. I think I did pretty decently, if I do say so myself.







Expectations VS reality of the situation at Buckingham Palace.

After Borough Market, we took a 50-minute walk to Westminster Bridge, a touristy district but one first-time visitors to London wouldn't miss out on.



Darted into Marks & Spencer to catch a whiff of those freshly baked pastries. I can't get over how cheap Marks & Spencer is in London compared to Singapore!



Pertaining to my bad luck streaks, I can only say that my bad luck follows wherever I go. Westminster Abbey, which is opened daily except for Sundays, was closed that day. Just another day in my bad luck life, what more can I say.

Good morning, London. I had no ideas how long sunlight could be in Spring till I got woken up at 7am by the sunlight peeking in. It was as bright as 12pm in Singapore already!


Hasty free breakfast at our hostel before we left. I grabbed a piece of salami as I've never tried it before and I thought since I was in a new country, I should try something new, right? Worst decision ever. I had food poisoning later in the day LOL.


Borough Market is located next to London Bridge station, near to our hostel so it was our first stop of the day.

Amsterdam is one of Europe's most walkable cities so the location of your hostel shouldn't be an issue. We stayed in Hostel Van Gogh Amsterdam as it was a mere 2-minute walk away from Museumplein (museum quarter), where Rijksmuseum, Van Gogh Museum, Moco Museum and Stedelijk are located. Hostel Van Gogh Amsterdam is also only a 30-minute direct bus ride from Amsterdam Airport Schiphol.

Room

We booked an 8 Bed Mixed Dorm Ensuite that came with a mini-safe, a cabinet for our belongings, a reading light and a plug. Hostel Van Gogh Amsterdam was constricting and the lack of a privacy curtain made it worse. It didn't bother us too much since we were hardly in the room except to sleep anyway but it could be a deal-breaker for some, especially since it's a mixed-gender dorm.

(Photo from Hostelworld)

Toilet

The toilet, attached to the room, was clean with free shampoo and body soap. One of our roommates smoked what I believed to be weed inside the toilet LOL but he was polite and allowed us to use the toilet when we needed to so we didn't bother him during his weed sessions either wtf.

Common Area

(Photo from Hostelworld)

As the name suggests, Hostel Van Gogh Amsterdam has murals of Vincent Van Gogh on their walls although the murals were limited. Don't expect too much and you won't be disappointed.

(Photo from Hostelworld)

Hostel Van Gogh Amsterdam has a dining area for breakfast but other than that, there is no common area for guests to hang out. 

Hostel Van Gogh Amsterdam allowed us to leave our luggage in a room before checking in so that was a plus.

Service

The front desk had an attitude that would make Squidward's seem pleasant. Questions were not answered, we were constantly ignored. He might as well have adorned his clothes with Squidward's I really wish I weren't here right now badge so at least I'd know to not bother him.

He was the grumpiest person I encountered throughout my trip in Europe — so much that Cheryl and I found the need to Google for reviews of Hostel Van Gogh Amsterdam to confirm that it wasn't personal. Most of the reviews echoed our sentiments; it seemed like it was acceptable to hate your job at Hostel Van Gogh Amsterdam, and it wasn't just that one staff we encountered.

Will I return to Hostel Van Gogh Amsterdam?

I'll probably look at other options within the vicinity first.

Hostel Van Gogh Amsterdam

Address
Van de Veldestraat 5, 1071 CW Amsterdam, Netherlands

Contact
info@hotelvangogh.nl  |  0031 20 2629200

Price
€34 ($54.40) on weekday nights, €55 (S$88) on weekday nights

Booking
I booked the room in Hostel Van Gogh Amsterdam on Hostelworld.

Wombats City Hostel Berlin is easily one of the most centrally located hostel in Berlin. Located only a short 10-minute walk from Alexanderplatz, the heart of Berlin, Wombats City Hostel Berlin's prime spot helped us save on transport costs.

Room

We stayed in a 6 Bed Mixed Dorm Ensuite in Wombats City Hostel Berlin. The bed came with a little shelve to put your belongings (which proved useful when I had to charge my camera), a nightlight and plug. This photo as taken as soon as we checked in and, as you can see, you'll need to insert the sheets yourself and remove them when you check out.


The room was spacious with a corner with a wooden table and chairs for socialising. The Italians whom we shared our room with used it for drinking although Wombats City Hostel Berlin explicitly banned drinking alcohol in the room LOL. We had no problem with that because they weren't creating a din anyway.


The lockers Wombats City Hostel Berlin provided were sufficient for each guest. Although the lockers were tall enough to fit a 24-inch luggage, they are not wide enough even for a 20-inch luggage. The hostel was, after all, designed for backpackers.

Toilet

Booking an ensuite room meant that six of the guests needed to share one toilet that is attached to the room. The toilet was clean although, expectedly, some of us needed to use the toilet at the same time (us washing up before bedtime and them, showering before they head out wtf #Asiannerds). We were fortunate that we shared the room with a group of gentlemanly Italian guys who insisted that we use the toilet first despite our protests that we girls would take longer to shower.

Common Area

Wombats City Hostel Berlin had a common area complete with beanbags and charging ports for its guests.


Wombats City Hostel Berlin also presented us with one drink voucher at their rooftop bar, WomBar, which had pretty darn amazing views.


WomBar is a rooftop bar situated above Wombats City Hostel Berlin that overlooks several houses, and Berliner Fernsehturm (Berlin TV Tower) — what more can I ask for?


We could leave our luggages at Wombats City Hostel Berlin before check in and after check out. The area is monitored by a CCTV and guests only have limited access to it (you need to register and be given a pin code to enter) so leaving our belongings there felt safe enough.

Service

Wombats City Hostel Berlin provided city maps curated by them featuring tourist attractions, local delights and tips on getting around Berlin. I loved their customised map!

Unfortunately, Wombats City Hostel Berlin's conceige put a damper on my love for the hostel. I accidentally booked the hostel for a day before I was due to arrive in Berlin. That was entirely my fault, I get it. What was unacceptable, however, was the front desk's attempt at tricking us to book a more expensive room.

The guy at the front desk told us that because we did not check in the day before (due to my mistake), the hostel had cancelled our booking entirely. Overnight, they sold out their 6 Bed Mixed Dorm Ensuite and were only left with private rooms (that are almost four times the price of a mixed dorm). He then convinced us to confirm the rooms immediately.

Fortunately, Cheryl was quick-thinking and told him if that's the case, we would stay in the private room for a night then move out when there are beds in the mixed dorm. The guy quickly responded that he'd check on the dates of availability for the dorm and immediately told us there were free beds in the dorm we intially booked.

Boo. Not cool.

Safety

The streets were quiet but seemed pretty safe to me.

Will I return to Wombats City Hostel Berlin?

Eh, maybe not. Although I had a great experience at Wombats City Hostel Berlin, the checkin experience left a bitter taste in my mouth. Wombats City Hostel Berlin would probably be my last few options the next time I go to Berlin solely because I felt that they were dishonest. Honesty is an important factor that I prioritise because how else would I feel safe in the hostel?

Wombats City Hostel Berlin

Address
Alte Schönhauser Str. 2, 10119 Berlin, Germany

Contact
bookberlin@wombats.eu  |  +49 (0)30 847 10820

Price
€20.60 (S$33) for a weekday night, €30 (S$48) for a weekend night

Booking
I made all of my Europe hostel bookings on Hostelworld as the platform allows us to only pay a deposit instead of the entire room price. I would have lost more money on my mistake booking otherwise.