August 13, 2014

I hate the thought of it, I hate the word, I hate what it means.

You think suicide will solve your problems? You are just being SO SO SO selfish.

What happens when you die? Nobody actually gets over your death. You think that eventually everyone will forget that you ever existed but no. It never really gets better. We just get numbed as time passes by. We just learn to accept the fact that you are gone but that doesn't mean that we stop being sad.

Nobody ever stops missing you. We get hurt every time we think of you. We try our best to keep you in our memory forever, we hold on to whatever we have left of you. But overtime, memory fades. We start forgetting how you felt like, the smell of you on your things start fading, we eventually stop remembering how you sounded like.

We forget old memories as new ones are being created everyday. It makes us guilty. We shouldn't forget anything about you. This isn't right. But it slips our mind no matter how hard we try, because we are only human and we don't have super memory.

Is this what you want the people you love to go through? Think of your parents - think of them blaming themselves for the rest of their lives. Think of your friends - think of them wondering why have they not noticed the signs earlier? Think of the things you love, think of all the people in the world who loves you.

You have a problem? You admit it and then solve it. You have suicidal thoughts? You seek help. You need a listening ear? Talk to people who care - there are so many of them out there. Even me.

I may be the biggest bitch sometimes but I fucking care.

To you who's reading this, I may or may not know you personally but I care about you. I don't want to see another life go to waste because I know you have way too much ahead of you to just let it all go like that. No matter how helpless you are now, know that nothing lasts forever. I will talk to you if you need me to.

You have so much ahead of you. You shouldn't be feeling this way. I have been there before and I made it out. I know how it feels like to face the world without a gleam of hope. I know how it feels like going to sleep hoping that tomorrow will be better but better seems to never come. I know how it feels like to hate yourself. I know how it feels like to wake up every morning thinking that you are a burden to everyone. I know what it feels like to feel lost, empty, helpless and useless. I know, and I understand.

For two years, I fought the demons inside of me. Even till now, on some nights, I struggle to not let them win.

But if I can do it, you can too

Escape is not an answer.
It will never be. 

P.S. I hate it when people over-glorify suicide. You think it's funny telling everyone you want to kill yourself? Admit it, you don't want to kill yourself - you want attention. And you are snatching attention away from those who really need them.

So please, stop being so insensitive. Stop using the word so lightly.

Those who are truly depressed will never scream that they are and it's often too late when people finally realise. 

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