I used to display my raw emotions on my blog because it is a kind of release for me. But in recent years I don't like to pour my personal feelings out on this public platform anymore. There's just too much explaining involved and it complicates matters. Sometimes I still reveal a bit of feelings on my blog but it is kept to a minimum. It's not that I can't trust anyone. It's just that I don't know if anyone cares.

I'm no longer that happy bubbly girl with not problems in my primary school or lower secondary days. I'm now faced with real problems. Today, I realized that every single action I make will define my future. I know that I have to look ahead. I know there is no going back. I know I shouldn't cling on to the past. But today when I finally quietened down, negativity overpowered me again. It scratched me all over, ripped my limbs apart and broke them like tree branches. But I didn't fight back. Just tear me apart. I whispered. Let me feel pain. Let my skin burn. Let my heart die. Let it die.

Last night, I dreamt I hugged your right arm. I felt so warm. And we walked and talked like nothing ever happened before. And it was that simple. Our happiness was this simple. My heart dies a little every time I think about how a love once so passionate has faded into a buddy relationship so distant, so strange.

School's reopening on Monday. I look forward to seeing my friends again yet I dread having to wake up early in the morning. Other than that, I hate studying too! Oh well, blame my short attention span .After spending a whole day month of lazing around, maybe it's time I get started on my homework.

If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with.
- Michael Jackson

Side note: if you've noticed, the beginning and the ending quotes on my blog today are both by Michael Jackson. Reason being, today is his 2nd death anniversary. #RipMichaelJackson, the greatest performer ever. You were an amazing person. The world will never forget how you changed us. Your music, legend & spirit will always live on.

I haven't blog in a blog time. Well, the main reason is that I don't really have anything to talk about. Been going back to school for remedial lessons. Yes, lessons during the holidays.


I didn't think it was really beneficial because throughout the lessons I was like,



And when the teacher asked "Do you understand?", outside, I'll be


But inside I'm like

"What is this crap?"

And then I'll try to concentrate for a while but after 5 mins,


When the clock strikes one, I'll all

"IT'S FINALLY OVERRRRRRRR!"

So yeah. You guys get my point. I have really short attention span and I can't focus well in class. So I guess when I get back my results for the re-test, I'll feel like this again



Then I'll promise myself again and again I won't be distracted anymore. But history repeats itself. Studies aside, bby has been bringing me to school everyday.

But he's off to CCA camp from Monday - Wednesday.

So I went to school by myself for two days.

But guess what? Today is Wednesday! Which means it's the last day of bby's camp!


Anyway, if you guys realize, this post is different from my usual wordy-and-no-pictures post. So which kind of posts do you guys prefer? Tell me on my formspring!

There's a difference between being cocky and being confidence. Being cocky is knowing or thinking that you're the shit, that you look good and you use that to your advantage. People can see cockiness, and its usually very ugly. Being confident is knowing yourself inside and out yet not caring what other people may think or say. Being confident doesn't come from being right, but from not afraid of being wrong. People see confidence, and its a beautiful thing.

I become creative whenever I'm sad. Recently, I feel creativity all over me. Just lying on the bed last night, I hear poems and artistic expressions running through my mind. Images pop up to complement those words. I could feel and hear my heart beating. It was beautiful. Just like we used to be. I want to get better.

Friendship means understanding, not agreement. It means forgiveness, not forgetting. It means the memories last, even if contact is lost.