This touches me.
At some point I guess, it's time to move beyond the exterior. Get past the two-dimensional and delve into the deeper human. Plainly-speaking, I've never been able to get past the deception of first impressions. Many times in my life, glittery exteriors have failed and blinded me. Many times in life poor decisions were made because of this shallowness.
This touches me. It's time to move beyond the exterior.
To that girl I pity so much.
I don't even know why I'm wasting my blog space to address this to you.
If you don't already want people to talk about it, why did you even come up with tweets that were so suggestive in the first place? And did you have to drag me into your picture? Your hidden intentions are so ironically open. Ugh, I don't know why I even bother blowing my top over someone like you. ):
If you don't like me, that's fine with me - I don't like you either.
Next time we meet, we can all stop the fake pleasantries.
Next time we meet, we can all stop the fake pleasantries.
She must be perfect to you.
Love her more than you loved me.
Give her more than you've ever given me.
And that would be the best thing you can do for me now.
And here's to the many more wonderful things that will happen.
I hope we collide again.
Love her more than you loved me.
Give her more than you've ever given me.
And that would be the best thing you can do for me now.
And here's to the many more wonderful things that will happen.
I hope we collide again.
No one would ever think such mean thoughts about you.
Except yourself.
Except yourself.
This definitely doesn't concern me. But because it's you again, I’ve got to say my piece. Just this once.
It's utterly unsophisticated and naïve of you to create a messy fuss over such petty business. Well, I don't know, but to me it's kinda like an attempt out of desperation and insecurity. Insecurity that your glorious days are over and you had to blow trivial matters up to get some attention. It's pathetic.
Now and then, I still hear from people, of the back stabbings and accusations you've made of me in the past. But I don't get upset, because that's what green-eyed monsters do, because deep inside you don't feel good at all. I've buried our hatchet and moved on. But I guess you haven't. Now, it's happening on someone else.
It's been months and I’m disillusioned that you haven't changed, not even a single bit. I'm worried for your friends. Because the entire you is a façade. And it's unnerving.
That I would be good even if I did nothing
That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
That I would be good if I got and stayed sick
That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
That I would be good fine even if I went bankrupt
That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
That I would be great if I was no longer queen
That I would be grand if I was not all knowing
That I would be loved even when I numb myself
That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
That I would be loved even when I was fuming
That I would be good even if I was clingy
That I would be good even if I lost sanity
That I would be good
Whether with or without you
To put things simply, yes, I'm single again. We've broken up a couple of times before but this time, I guess, is really the end. I don't know either. I'm really tired and confused. I'm just glad we ended things amicably, instead of breaking up due to a huge quarrel.
It will hard for me to let go. After all, he's the one who knows everything about me and still accepts me for who I am. We can send each other ugly photos of ourselves and laugh about it. In front of others, he appears to be cool and aloof yet when he's with me, he's completely silly and goofy. We have stupid quarrels and fights, but somehow we always made up in the end. Thinking back about the good memories is enough to kill me, but I know that we are just too different - we have different goals in life, different priorities and we are also moving on to different polytechnics, and this is for the best. I got to let go.
Things change, people change, situations change. Somewhere along the way, we both grew up. He became independent while I still relied on him. It became harder and harder for us to sort out our differences and eventually, we stopped trying. I used to be so sure that he's the one I'm gonna marry but now I don't know anymore.
I still love him, and that's for sure but I guess we both need a break. These few years that we were together were probably the best years of my life, and I regret nothing about this relationship. I will miss him, and all of our memories.
It will hard for me to let go. After all, he's the one who knows everything about me and still accepts me for who I am. We can send each other ugly photos of ourselves and laugh about it. In front of others, he appears to be cool and aloof yet when he's with me, he's completely silly and goofy. We have stupid quarrels and fights, but somehow we always made up in the end. Thinking back about the good memories is enough to kill me, but I know that we are just too different - we have different goals in life, different priorities and we are also moving on to different polytechnics, and this is for the best. I got to let go.
Things change, people change, situations change. Somewhere along the way, we both grew up. He became independent while I still relied on him. It became harder and harder for us to sort out our differences and eventually, we stopped trying. I used to be so sure that he's the one I'm gonna marry but now I don't know anymore.
I still love him, and that's for sure but I guess we both need a break. These few years that we were together were probably the best years of my life, and I regret nothing about this relationship. I will miss him, and all of our memories.
So many things I wanted to tell you about today but I couldn't.
The feeling that it is no longer satisfying to just see your presence in words.
Feels like reality took off my eye mask.
Made me see,
That it's not gonna work.
And that it's time to move on.
Before too much gets to you that it becomes too much to leave.
One of my favorite parts of relationships is touch.
I love being able to touch someone.
I know that everyone's mind instantly went into the gutter but I don't mean it like that.
I mean it in the simplest way possible - holding hands, hugging, just being able to touch someone.
The way your finger tips graze over their skin and you get to call them yours.
Not in a greedy sense, by any means. Rather in the sense that they gave you that privilege.
To know that, that person is yours.
No one else has that gift from them, no one else has that trust from them.
That's what I love about having that sort of connection.
That I can trace circles down your arm with my finger tips and know that no one else gets to do this.
No one else share those simple affections with you.
Those moments mean so much to me.
I'm growing to feel attached towards someone.
To this person I can't even touch.
I'm so afraid of this feeling because it was never reciprocated previously.
I feel nauseated even thinking of it.
Of having to try, try and try, and then failing, and then trying all over again.
Now it is here again. This time I'm still hopeful and excited, but there's a hidden pan of fear.
It's like hugging sunshine. You feel the warmth, but you can't touch it.
To this person I can't even touch.
I'm so afraid of this feeling because it was never reciprocated previously.
I feel nauseated even thinking of it.
Of having to try, try and try, and then failing, and then trying all over again.
Now it is here again. This time I'm still hopeful and excited, but there's a hidden pan of fear.
It's like hugging sunshine. You feel the warmth, but you can't touch it.
So I'm back.
And so is the insomnia.
The cold sweat.
The reminders.
And maybe some heartaches.
Such a lovely night,
wasted on loneliness.
I miss us.
Damn it, I do.
"Jealousy is no more than feeling alone against smiling enemies."
- Elizabeth E. Bowen
That girl is gorgeous. That pair of huge watery eyes sitting above her high cheekbones, the hour glass figure, slender legs. Her features are exotic. She's the dream girl of every other boy in school. Her grades are excellent. The teachers adore her. She's got pretty dresses. She's kind. She's friends with everyone else.
Yeah, that doesn't concern you. Not until your crush is hooked onto her. Not until she's got that branded bag you've been saving up for since last school term. Your grades are second to her in class. Your friends become her friends.
Then, you feel a burning desire. A desire to be just like her. You want to have what she has.
You try to bring her down, so she doesn't have what you don't. You try so hard to plot against her.
You want to defeat her.
Jealousy.
An omnipotent force hidden deep within the hearts of everyone from paupers to kings.
Yes, everyone.
And finally, you did it. You submitted to that dark side of yourself.
You gave in to the burning desire to rob others of what they have. Now, you've got everything she had.
You've got her popularity, her looks, her grades, even her boyfriend. Everything.
But guess what, you've scalded your heart, your soul.
You lost your smile. And you're not finding it back. Never.
Yeah, that doesn't concern you. Not until your crush is hooked onto her. Not until she's got that branded bag you've been saving up for since last school term. Your grades are second to her in class. Your friends become her friends.
Then, you feel a burning desire. A desire to be just like her. You want to have what she has.
You try to bring her down, so she doesn't have what you don't. You try so hard to plot against her.
You want to defeat her.
Jealousy.
An omnipotent force hidden deep within the hearts of everyone from paupers to kings.
Yes, everyone.
And finally, you did it. You submitted to that dark side of yourself.
You gave in to the burning desire to rob others of what they have. Now, you've got everything she had.
You've got her popularity, her looks, her grades, even her boyfriend. Everything.
But guess what, you've scalded your heart, your soul.
You lost your smile. And you're not finding it back. Never.
