You know how in places like Dominos Pizza and Starbucks Coffee, cashiers ask customers for their names to go with their orders? Yeah, I have recently resorted to calling myself Pek because nobody seems to get Regine right at first try.

I'm an avid fan of Starbucks but their baristas (or are they cashiers? Whatever, I'm gonna refer to them as baristas in my post. Correct me if I'm wrong) have never ever gotten my name right. Except this once but it was only because the barista is my friend so he could spell my name. I don't think it's a tradition for Starbucks in Singapore to ask for their customers' names because I hardly get asked but it's like they have an agreement.


I don't take any offence because my name isn't that common and what's there to be offended about anyway? I usually have a good laugh over it when I'm done feeling embarrassed for holding up the queue because I'm trying to get the barista to spell my name right LOL. When I recounted my stories to my friends they found it real funny so I thought I would share some of them here.

Before I started calling myself Pek, I always tried getting them to write my name. I would reply Regine when they ask for my name. To which they will proceed to write Eugene on my cup. DO I LOOK LIKE A EUGENE? T-T

Or they will go, "sorry?" and I will spell my name out. But for some reason, they still can't get the spelling right!!! I was once Egin, which wasn't that bad because they only missed out a couple of letters. Another time, I confused the barista so much that he told my friend after me to write her name herself because he couldn't stand the stress anymore wtf lolol.

But the other time my name became Rgein. The poor guy who had to call out for me went "Ra ra ah ahhhh..... Chocolate chip cream!" I almost thought he was going to break into a Lady Gaga song.


That was when I decided I'm going to call myself Pek. The worst it could get is get spelt as Peck instead because that's how my surname is pronounced, right? Wrong.

A couple of days back, when a barista asked me for my name, I spelt out, "P-E-K." She looks at me confused so I repeated myself. Then I repeated myself yet anothwe time. She looks at me, still puzzled, and asked, "Park???"

I thought it was just her accent and I didn't want to seem like an asshole for correcting her if it's just her accent so I nodded.


Well, nice to meet you, I'm pakyj.

I don't drink. Yeah, I'm 18 and I don't drink. I don't plan to drink in the near future either.

Being 18 is a lot of fun - you get to make more decisions of your own, you get to watch M18 movies and most of all, you get to buy cigarettes and alcohol legally. I said legally because, come on, we all know turning 18 only means that you can now legally do the things you've been doing since you were 14. Lolol.

Anyway, now that I'm 18, more often than not, I'm pressured into drinking. I do feel this immerse pressure because most of my closest friends drink pretty often and they bond over drinking. Which is something I don't prefer. And because of this, I pretty much drifted away from that circle of friends because the only time they meet up is to drink.

"Come on, just try it. You'll grow to like it!" I hear this counter too often when I say I don't wish to drink. I have nothing against drinking. But I just choose not to after this particular incident: someone close to me committed suicide after he got presumably drunk because he was upset about something. He was the favourite son, his family mourned over him for months and his mother went hysterical. Neither the family nor his mother has been the same since then.

How can I bring myself to drink knowing that the consumption of alcohol caused this? I can't. 

This, coupled with the fact that I never particularly find drinking cool, are the main reasons I don't drink. I don't think it's attractive that you are so drunk you are unable to get yourself home at the end of the night and there's nothing commendable about not remembering what you did last night. Is that supposed to impress anyone?

While my friends boast about "getting a hangover the entire weekend," I can't help but be glad that my weekend wasn't wasted away like this (no pun intended). Of course, when you're 18, you are expected to be be smart enough to weigh the risks and benefits for yourself.

I just wish alcohol isn't so socially promoted that you get branded as a "nerd" or "being too uptight" just because you don't drink. I choose to stay in with a good book instead of drinking because I believe there are better means of bonding with your friends such as talking over dinner, shopping or even just a sleepover.

Drinking isn't for everyone, and it's certainly not for me.

I'd very much prefer Starbucks.

"Did he deserve it?"

Silence.

No. I don't think he did, but how can I ever admit that?

"Answer me."

I looked at her in the eye and defiantly kept my silence.

Thoughts started to flood my mind. I need an escape.

Excuses. I frantically searched my brains for some excuses.

It's not enough. It's never enough.

The question she asked is still haunting me.

Can the girl in the mirror ever stop haunting me?

Yay, after almost three years of using Blogger's default blogskin, I finally came up with something new!!! It's rather messy now because I still have some cleaning up to do and I'm lazy so....... :x Plus most of my wordy posts don't have pictures so there's no thumbnail to show but I just thought I'll solve it by posting photos of my outfits since I have so many photos that I plan to #throwback on my Instagram but never did and I'm gonna start a category for it soon hahhaha. Hopefully my useless ootds will motivate me to blog more lololol.

Anyway, some updates on my life recently since I haven't been doing any Pekyj Daily posts recently. Not that anyone misses my posts anyway HAHAHA but I guess I would love to read back on my blog one day when I'm older.

Year 2 has been pretty tough and I just started my holidays after 6 weeks of hell weeks. Like I'm not even kidding when I say we had submissions due almost everyday. Man, I've never written so much 1000 word essays in my life. Back in Year 1, I used to cry whenever hell week approached but now I survived hell month(s). Really proud of myself :-)

Still, it sucks to be doing some modules that I know I'll never need in the future because I've already kinda decided on what I want to do in the future. But I still have to go through this and I just hope I'll be able to do what I like in Year 3! ^-^

Despite school being so hectic, I'm contented because being busy means that the weekends come quicker and I get to see my boy soon! In spite of some drama that happened on my ask.fm recently, we're still doing great :)

I don't know why but I just feel the need to say this - my boyfriend's such an amazing person and he makes me laugh so hard so much. I didn't know it was possible to feel this happy but somehow he made it all possible. And nothing has changed.

Yea, I used to talk about my love life a lot online and put my life out there for everyone to judge. But as I grew up, my views changed. I grew up with the social media and there's no denying it - I'm a social media junkie; I tweet and post photos everyday.

Yet I find that I no longer want to put the ones I love into the "limelight" because I know they will get talked about. I don't want to make my problem everyone else's problem. I don't want others to gossip about the people I love. So I started self-censoring. I stopped talking about them just as much because I don't want to bring attention to them. Not because I don't love them, but because I do.

Well, that was kinda wordy and unnecessary haha. On to happier things - today officially marks the 10th month of my boyfriend's NS life which means that he only has 364 days left, yay! I can't wait for him to ORD :D

Gonna end off rather abruptly here,

The thing about me is that I focus too much on the negative stuff. I'm a rather negative person and I tend to think too much, leading to unnecessary happiness. There is this one thing that I fear everyday. That thought creeps into my mind and kills all my optimism whenever I make a mistake. Yes, everyone makes mistakes. But I am so afraid that the people I care so much about can't accept the mistakes I made.

I don't really give a fuck as to what others think of me but when it comes to the people I care about, it's a different story altogether. I crave for their approval, I seek their understanding whenever I make a mistake. But I'm so afraid that one day they will run out of tolerance. I'm so afraid of them leaving my life.

I just gotta keep remind myself this:

I've never been on good terms with my father but one thing he taught me when I was young stuck with me through my teenage years. That you don't expect anything because expectations only leads to disappointments. That if you don't expect, you can never be disappointed.

Just because you visited someone when s/he is sick doesn't mean you'll get the same treatment. Just because you surprise someone doesn't mean you will even get a present for your birthday. Just because you put in your utmost effort doesn't mean you will get the same amount back.

But sometimes I can't help it. I can't help wishing I was treated fairly. But the world isn't fair. And I get disappointed all the time. 

Don't expect and you won't be disappointed.