(A random photo of a balloon because I've always wanted one for my birthday wtf but have never received one because everyone thinks it's embarrassing fml.)

Other than my 13th (I won't link that post because I typed like an ahlian wtf), 16th and 18th birthdays, I haven't blogged about other birthday celebrations, mainly because I have never celebrated my other birthdays. In fact, I used to cry every year on my birthday because I get disappointed so much. 

I had a great 13th. Then on my 14th, my friends all went MIA. Even though I planned all the surprises for my friends, on my 15th, they said they were grounded so we didn't even meet up. My 16th was celebrated at a chalet that was supposedly paid by my ex but in actual fact he told me to pay for it first and never returned me the money. My 17th was spent with the same guy so you can already tell it wasn't great LOL. I thought the people around me were planning something for my 18th but it didn't happened so I ended up not celebrating it properly, which I regretted till today. 

With my birthday coming closer again, I really wanted to have something planned since the only times I ever a proper celebration was when I planned it myself but due to some private things that happened in my family, my mom had a lot of chinese superstitionsthat I had to adhere to. E.g. No cake cutting, no decorations, no singing of birthday song etc. So much that I decided to just forgo the plans because I didn't see the point anymore.

I'm not even going to have high hopes this coming year anymore because every single time I think I might receive a surprise just ends up in vain. Yeah ok I know other people have it worse, they don't even have food blablabla. But you are on the Internet while "other children don't even have food" too so what makes you think you are better than me? Lolol. Just let me wallow in self-pity for now. 

Or maybe this coming year will be different. I really hope so but who am I kidding I just said to not raise my hopes up LOL. Fuck this. It sucks when you plan something so elaborate for the people around you but get nothing in return. My life just fucking revolves around this. Maybe it's time I stop expecting back in return just because I did something nice for someone. Sigh.