Spending my Saturday the way I like it - lazing around, chilling away from my phone and thinking about things. It occurred to me that I think of the past a lot more than I should; I find myself reminiscing and smiling to myself a lot. That shouldn't be a problem, right? But I end up being sad about it because I know things can never be the same again and I can never go back. I guess life's like this. We always find the present tense but the past perfect.

I've been thinking a lot about 2014 now that it's coming to an end and I just can't put my finger on it. Simply said, 2014 has been such a roller coaster ride for me.

This year... I found myself opening up a lot more and trying more new things. I made so many more friends this year than I ever did in the recent years. I've also finally found what I want to do in the future. I'm in the midst of designing something to launch on my blog and I'm collaborating with a pretty huge organisation. Sounds like a pretty awesome year right?

But with the good comes the bad, and I'm not sure if I can handle all of that.

I've met people I never thought I would get along well with, but I also lost people I never imagined myself losing. Memories of those that I loved dearly and lost are flooding back to me but surprisingly, I only remember the good. Which is great in a way, because only the positive things are worth remembering. I guess maybe at some point, I just grew up and realised that I can't hold grudges forever.

I try to remember the last conversation we had, the last time we had fun, our last "see you!" No matter how valuable these memories are right now, I just can't remember. Every time I remember something about you, I'm merely remembering the last time I remember it - it's no longer the moment I'm remembering. And every single time, I find those memories fading just a little more.

It kills me. It kills me knowing that one day I'll forget. I'll forget what being close to you felt like. I'll forget how you hug me when I'm feeling upset. I'll forget the way we laughed over something stupid I did. I'll forget the late night talks we had. I'll forget the long texts you sent me when I was at my worst. I already forgot the bad, one day I'll forget the good too.

But I know I met you for a reason - whether I like it or not. And I'll let you be a lesson learnt. That I should never put all my eggs in one basket. That losing someone is part and parcel of growing up. That your friends who say they'll be your listening ear can be missing when you need them the most. That "I'll be here" doesn't exist in some people's dictionary.

Yes, I wrote this post thinking of you. I wrote this for you. Anyone else who reads it wouldn't understand it the way you would. And if you think this is about you, it is. I miss whatever little we had and it hurts me knowing that you don't feel the same.

Maybe forgetting isn't that bad after all.