My birthday has never been so crucial to me. Turning 19 means that it's my last teen birthday; this is the year I need to tie up loose ends before I inevitably enter adulthood in 2016. I've learnt a lot when I was 18 but the most important lesson I learnt was that there's nothing more important to my mom than my happiness. 

It made me realised how important I am to her. And as I grow older, I realise more things I never knew when I was younger. Like the fact that my mom won't be there forever. As I sit on my sofa typing this post, my mom is fiddling with her fake Pandora, laughing at the fact that she didn't know Pandora was a thing before I told her. This moment, however simple, is so precious to me because it may never happen again.

Most of us forget that our parents age together with us and we often neglect them. Watching so many parents passed away last year and their kids mourning has taught me a lot. It's funny and ironic how death taught me much more things than life ever did.

So many times my brother and I both went out, leaving our mom alone at home to eat dinner. We have fun while we're outside and forget the things she asked us to do but my mom never stopped thinking about us even when she's out.

Sometimes she buys us our favourite food, sometimes she go to the temple and pray for us. I, on the other hand, am guilty of feeling annoyed when she calls me repeatedly when I'm out with my friends or rushing for my project.

But growing up made me realise how much my mom has done for both my brother and me. One day, I'll be her age, have my own kids and I will realise the sacrifices she has done. One day, I'll be waking up early to work so that I can provide for my family. And one day, my biggest fear will come true and my mom will leave me.

I wish I could stay young and have my mom by my side forever but that's impossible because growing old and dying eventually is unavoidable. I just hope that when that day comes, I would have already made my mom proud of me and I'll have no regrets because I know I've done my best and I've been around when she needed me.

It may have been my birthday yesterday, but I wouldn't be anywhere if not for my mom who, to put it crudely, pushed me out. She's the only one who has been there since the beginning and will be there till the end. I've never been an expressive daughter but I love her so much.

P.S. Will blog about my birthday real soon hehe.