Hi cupcakes! I'm here to do a short update before I leave for my chalet tomorrow! I'm really excited because it's has been years since I last celebrated my birthday with my friends. I'm feeling nervous right now because it's gonna be a huge party (to me, at least) and I'm really socially awkward at times. But I'm still looking forward to it nevertheless.

This week has been nothing but HECTIC for me, so much so that I barely get 6 hours of sleep every night. I've been going out almost everyday to prepare for my chalet and I really wanna thank my awesome friends for being ever so patient with me and for planning my chalet alongside with me. Thank you, Zhiyun, Rachel, Benedict and of course, my boy. I'm really fortunate to have them by my side.

I'm really exhausted right now. I'll be back soon, with pictures from my birthday celebration. See you guys! xx

It's just passed 7am (pardon me, I've never been good with all those half-past seven kind of shit) and I'm already up. Well, technically, I didn't sleep at all. So I thought, why not update my blog since I have nothing to do anyway. Funny how I only thought of updating today when I did almost nothing at all for the past few weeks. I went to the library, borrowed some books and... I just got hooked on and could not stop reading. Besides that, I met up with my baby and I cycled to East Coast Park just to take some photos.

I've been relying on my iPhone a lot now since I'm not planning to send my camera for repairing (it costs $230+ to repair) so I've been downloading lots of photography apps into my phone. My favourite app as of now is Instagram because it allows me to share my photos with other users and I get to edit my photos and stuff like that. Except that it crops my photo into a square and it bugs me a lot because I don't wanna post square photos on my blog. Yea, I know I sound like some bimbo right now but it really bugs me a lot. I was gonna post up some other photos but my stupid laptop decided to delete away EVERY SINGLE FILE in it so I'm left with practically nothing but those cropped square photos to upload -___- I guess it's better than nothing...


I keep having people telling me to update my blog and trust me, I really wanted to. But the thought of my photos and videos disappearing really makes me want to cry :/. Oh well. That's all for my updates today! I'll update again pretty soon! Remember to send in your suggestions! X0X0

Today, I stumbled upon a picture online that inspired this post. A girl had a photo of her body with arrows pointing to which things, according to herself, "needed fixing". Here's the photo:


It made me really sad. Does this look like a girl who needs to lose weight? No, it doesn't. And anyone who thinks so needs to visit a doctor.

While I understand that for some, they have to lose weight to become healthier but I'm talking about those girls (like the above mentioned) who already are in the average weight range but continue to starve themselves because they feel fat.

Why are some people so obsessed with becoming really skinny? Being skinny won't solve your problems. I also doubt it will make you happier. Once you've obtained your "dream weight", then what? Do you think people will like you more? Seriously, think about it.

You don't need to starve yourself, you need to learn to love yourself. If you don't, you'll never be happy with yourself. You don't prefer your skinny friends over your normal weight or overweight friends, do you? If you do, then you're a shallow bitch and I have nothing else to say.

Starving yourself won't make you happier. It's not your body that "needs fixing", it's your self-esteem and your self-image. There will always be something in your mind that "needs fixing". If you can't accept yourself the way you are you will never be truly happy. You need to start loving yourself first, before anyone else can.

Besides, you will never look naturally thin by starving yourself. You can tell when people are naturally thin and when they've starved themselves - and the latter doesn't look very flattering.

And before someone comments that "I don't know what it's like to be over-weight" or something like that; No, I don't. But I know what it's like to have complexes, what it's like to hate my body. When I was younger, I really hated my body and the way I look. I thought, "Maybe losing a little more fats here and there would be better." But hell, I love food way too much to skip meals. I wanted to grow taller, I wanted to have some curves on my body. But I was born the way I am. And now, I accept myself as the way I am.

To wrap this up: If you're still convinced, after reading this text, that your life will miraculously become much better if you starve yourself; go ahead. I know that, at least, I've tried my best to help. I'll always be here if you need to talk, be it on Twitter, Formspring, Facebook, Tumblr or through my email.

Well, that's all I have to say for the moment. Good night. xx

Alright, so quite a number of people have been asking me what happened between my clique last year and me. It has been a long time since this incident happened but there's lots of stories of it going on and I don't want anymore speculation so I'm here to clear all air. I will be as honest as possible.

Disclaimer: My intention of writing this post was never to look for trouble. I'm so damn tired of people judging me, judging the situation when they know no shit about what happened. Names have been omitted to protect the identities of those people I'm talking about.

I don't know where should I start either. Maybe I'll go back all the way to the secondary 2 camp last year. We were being posted to new classes, according to our results last year. I wasn't so socially awkward last year so I made friends with most people easily but I stuck by my best friend, Yy, then. Slowly, she started making new friends too. And partly because of this, we drifted. Another reason that we drifted was because her parents would fetch her after school and I'll be hanging out with my new friends other than her.


Despite everything, I went recess with her new friends and eventually after four months or so, we got along well and became a clique. There was a minor quarrel last year. It was between the three of us and Yy. I can vaguely remember that it was about Yy going to the extreme to flirt with the crush of a girl in our clique, Xy. I remember the I wasn't around on the day that the quarrel started since I went home early because of a bad stomach cramp. I met Xy and V for lunch and they filled me in on the details. The next day, we did not talk to Yy at all and she went home early. But everything was resolved and it went back to normal, though we all have slightly drifted from Yy. I would not deny that we had fun together and my secondary two life was by far the best year in my secondary school life. Of course, my super hyper class then contributed to it as well. A small shout out to those in 2E3'10, I love you guys! ^^


Sidetracking a bit. I may be a little petty to be saying this again even after almost a year but I'm pretty sure everyone knows birthdays have always meant a huge deal to me. It's evident from the way I help the clique celebrate their birthdays that I would appreciate it if they do the same for me. But on my birthday, all I got was a whole lot of excuses and a promise that we would celebrate it on a later date (a promise that was never fulfilled). Yup, that's what happened to me after I planned surprises, stayed up all night to make scrapbooks for them.


Back to the story. Due to streaming, we were all posted to different classes this year. But every morning, we would gather at Yy's class to chat and catch up. Another girl from my class, Zy, joined us too. Then Z (a.k.a. Stinkyboy, to those who follow me on twitter) came into my life. Before that, Z and I were best friends that texted everyday, as far as I can remember. My memory hasn't been that good recently. Z is not someone new, and he has been my someone I can confide in since Secondary one (I'll leave this story to another day). But this time, he came and stayed in my life. I started spending more time with Z, and lesser time with the clique. We still go recess and eat lunch together, but outside of school, we don't meet much anymore. We stopped texting that often too because I was always busy with Z. According to Yy, I don't even text her anymore when I'm out with Z, which I admit, is quite true. But it's not as if I don't bother to try to make conversation at all.


At that time, we were very much into letter writing, since we couldn't gossip anymore in class. At one point in time, we all (the rest of the clique) thought that Yy has changed into someone who's super cocky, and egoistic. I still have the letter V wrote to me bitching about Yy.

Gradually, our friendship deteriorated. I admit that I started bitching about Yy to other people and eventually a sneaky snake in the grass told Yy about it and we stopped hanging out since then. V and Xy stuck with Yy, despite the things they said about her while Zy stood by my side. Yes, Yy has been a very good best friend all those while but what about those times that I was treated like a crappy friend?


To those who are wondering, yes, I would have had apologized if Yy confronted me or asked for an explanation because I know that it's partly my fault for bitching about her behind her back. I mean, come on! We all know that's not cool, right? But nope, instead she gave me dirty looks whenever she walked past me. Looks that practically scream in my face, "Look bitch! I'm better of without you now that I have a bunch of friends and you're still stuck in a small clique." And no, I'm not being over-sensitive. Anyone with eyes could see that. This led to another conflict but that's another story (which I might post about, depending on the respond I get on this post).


Those who know me well would know that friends play a big part in my life and they were always of utmost importance to me. If I am wrong, or sometimes even if I'm not wrong, I would apologize. I have always told myself that friends come before pride. But the fact that I did not apologize this time round really shows something, doesn't it? I know I might have sounded arrogant and perhaps even a little of a stuck-up diva but this is a 100% honest account of how I feel. I had given in the best I've got in the friendship and there were good times. I don't regret.


To those who called me a backstabber, think about it. Who's the real backstabber? Who's the two-faced one? It's up to you guys to decide. This episode is over and this is my side of the story. I don't care what their side of the story is because I've buried the hatchet and moved on. And I believe they have too.

A true friend is someone who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success.