Everyone keeps on telling me to not worry, that I'll figure things out and I'm doing fine for my age. But what people don't understand is that I don't want to be fine. I dread falling into the spectrum of fine. Being fine is my biggest fear.

Fine implies I'll never achieve anything newsworthy, I'll never be someone's inspiration, I'll never be that rags-to-riches story. Fine equates to being lower middle class at best even after spending my adolescence grappling with being in the working class. Fine suggests that I will never fulfil achieve my dreams. Fine hints that I will continue struggling, continue being envious of someone else, continue being... this way.

In essence, doing fine means living with mediocrity, being satisfied with the fact that I'll only remain ordinary and passable my whole life. I really don't want to be fine. I'd hate to be on my deathbed reflecting on the life built upon a string of just fine.

“You drink a little too much and try a little too hard. And you go home to a cold bed and think, ‘That was fine.’ And your life is a long line of fine.” — Gillian Flynn