A few days ago, I updated my Facebook profile to the new timeline which enables me to go through all statuses I ever posted and all posts that my friends left on my wall. So naturally, curiosity got the better of me as I began scrolling through the archives instead of revising for my upcoming test.

I chanced upon this post that a hi-bye friend left on my wall. I remember clearly it was during the time when everyone was doing the "Like this status and I'll......" Her status was, "Like this status and I'll tell you what I admire most about you." I liked that status and she posted on my wall (not her exact words but it's somewhere along the line), "I admire how you're strong and treat haters like they're just bees, buzzing around and never take real notice of them."

It made me think. Am I still that strong girl that I was two years ago? If not, what changed me? What has changed? I realized it's just a matter of my perspective. I'm really thankful for so so many valuable opportunities happening right now. I've missed out so much in the past. Now's the time to get right back on track. Now.

I just want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be patient enough to give you a chance. I'm sorry I let my ego shut you out. I'm sorry I let you take the bait and then shot you down. I'm sorry I never wanted anything more from you, but I made you think otherwise. I'm sorry I made you believe in me. I'm sorry I let you down.

For every heart I've broken, I'm sorry.

Some things we do know, but always forget:

• The prisons you've built are of your own design.
• You should be the person you wanted to be when you woke up this morning.
• The world desperately wants to love you, if you'll let it.
• You deserve that love, even if you don't feel like it.
• Love can hit a planet like a comet.

I hope things are beautiful. And if they're not, then I hope you remember this moment right now when they are. Because you've got to hold up each and every other moment to the moment when things are beautiful and say "Look. I told you. Remember this."

I'm sorry for the wordy posts recently but my posts will stay like this till I get a new camera. You know what? I realized that even after all these years, I never once lost my passion for writing. I can go on and on about anything at all the whole day and not feel tired.

I've been feeling rather deep lately, not my usual hyper crazy self. Maybe it's the realization that O Levels are coming. This is just January and I swear I heard the phrase "O levels" at least 100 times already. I'm so sick of hearing it yet I know I need someone to remind me or I'll never get things done. I've heard of the saying, "examinations are formidable even to the best prepared," but what scares me the most is the fact that I'm still lacking around and not doing ANY homework at all. But, I've been doing my D&T diligently for the past weeks and that alone consoles me.

Other than some hiccups here and there, I'd say that this month has been pretty smooth sailing for me. But there's always this awkward moment. Like a tug on your sleeve. An itch in the throat. An unimaginable escape. And I know this is the truth. If I could stop feeling the way I feel. If the reminders of you didn't remind me of you. If my subconscious thoughts were unconscious. If the curves on you would curve on me. If only, I could switch it off. Switch you off.No matter how hard I try, it's there. It's always there. I'm always thinking about it, whether I want to or not. And sometimes, I wonder if you still think of me like how I always think of you. I guess I deserve the abandonment, I've only hurt you by feeding off your efforts in trying to make me bring down the walls around me. I admit I had been difficult in the early parts of last year, extremely difficult. Well I had to protect myself, all that happened in 2010 was just too painful... but you wouldn't have known that, would you? By some miracle God led me to Z and I am truly thankful. However I wouldn't have learnt the lessons I've learnt if it wasn't for you. All I wanna say is... I'm still here, as a friend, or acquaintance, whatever. I haven't forgotten you, and I hope you feel the same.

Things to do tomorrow:
1. Get up
2. Survive
3. Go back to bed

So, this is my second post of 2012. 2011 came to an end so freakily soon. It's anguishing to say that 2011 hasn't been a good year for me. Of course, there were happy moments made memorable by many special people around me.

But for the most part, it was generally a moody year. At many points, I found myself trapped in a body of doldrums. It seems that the people who tell you they will be there are the ones who walk away first. And the glittery opportunities you think you've landed turned out really, to be nothing but glitter.

2011 was a year of growth spurt for me. Adversity doesn't simply reflect the state of mind, it brings out the best and the worst in a person. And I underwent that.

I saw how possessive and addictive a person I could be, I saw in retrospect, how my ego became me, and how I let it become a main investor in my relationship. But I also saw the beauty in myself when I found the right path.

2011 was a year of relearning myself and building new priorities.

Above all, I'm grateful for the many opportunities that found their way to my door. I am so grateful for the happenstances which allowed me to pursue my passion. I am thankful for the many incredible personalities I've met, these people developed my perspectives yet again, steering me into exploring so much more the world can offer.

And most importantly, I thank my family, my boyfriend and my closest friends for simply, being there.

Each year, I embrace the new year with greater knowledge. Let us dance to the changes and challenges around us.

So there, just a prelude to my little space here.

I'm really worn out now. I'll blog again. See you guys! Bye!