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| Nothing bonds a group of people like a shared distaste for something, or someone. |
I had the best birthday celebration ever.
Here’s a secret: I always wanted my friends to come together and surprise me for my birthday. I know Chelsea tried to plan that once but the innumerable incompetent people I allowed in my life back then ruined her plans. Chelsea, I sincerely apologise for making you suffer through my bad decisions.
My dreams came true this year though; I guess I accumulated enough good karma this year with my endless drama in 2017.
Chelsea, who specialised in acting in year 3, ironically sucked at lying. Not that I’m complaining. She unceremoniously brushed me off when I pointed out that we were heading towards the wrong direction, but I was so distracted by some drama she was supposed to update me on and I figured taking the longer route would give us more time to talk (consistency is key: NEW YEAR, SAME DRAMA-LOVING ME).
My sneaky friends formed an allegiance in secrecy weeks before my birthday! All while I was confidently telling Charlene, “Don’t worry, I will pretend to be surprised by whatever tricks (you, Reuben and Pim) pull.” Well, I certainly didn’t expect the people I love most to come together. Who would’ve guessed that my friends can be bigger stalkers than me?
In a perfect world, I would shed tears of joys when my closest friends jumped out to surprise me. Alas, my talent is in salt marination and savage comebacks, not crying on demand or I would’ve interned at Mediacorp. Besides, I’m accustomed to showing hostility, disgust and anger, not delight or love or any of those disgusting positive feelings.
I merely screamed my lungs out in shock in the basement of 313 while Cheryl commented, “Don’t know we scream louder or you scream louder.”
Adrenaline filled my veins and I was in such a state of stupor that I couldn’t make a proper birthday wish. Instead, I muttered something along the wholesome lines of I hope to be happy forever. What an utter waste of my birthday wish. I later retracted that statement and jokingly wished for everyone who pissed me off to suffer.
Imagine my surprise I saw that someone did fall sick a few days after my birthday. Fml. And that person wasn’t even the target of my recent wrath. Fhl HAHAHAHA. Just for the record, I did not sell my soul to the devil for that to happen.
That’s just one part of a series of mere misadventures that my friends have came to associate with my life the past 22 years. I’ve grown used to hearing my friends sigh in exasperation before delivering the standard line: “This kind of thing can only happen to you.” If having that as my motto isn’t enough, I should seriously considering having it tattooed across my forehead already.
I highly suspect all my friends were just looking for an excuse to congregate and scrutinise my sensational life. I mean, what are the chances that your vile birthday wish, albeit an afterthought, comes true? Although I’m positive no one doubted me, it was glorious declaring I-told-you-that-happened when I had friends backing up my drama as I related it.
Thank god I’m not a compulsive liar or I would’ve been scrambling to come up with pseudo explanations or risked getting exposed. Now that I’m 22, I need to ~grow up~ and stop with my snarky double connotations, but it’s fun to watch guilty parties scrambling to see if the shoe fits!
In primary school, teachers loved asking ludicrous questions like, “If you were an animal, what would you be?” The question always stirred anxiety within the shy child I used to be — I hated being chided for being uncreative (dogs are a popular choice, although being called one ends up being an insult as you grow older) but I never wanted to stand out with something creative.
Sardonic 22-year-old me would retort, “Anything dead.” But I know what I am now. A fly that knowingly lands on a Venus Flytrap. It took an assembly of three different groups of friends from the last five years of my life for me to realise what an attention-seeking drama mama I am. I tend to subconsciously provoke people’s anger for the sole purpose of watching their reactions, then whine about drama coming out of their way to seek me.
What a 10/10 solid a$$hole I’ve been my entire life. As it turns out, I do love drama as much as it loves me! I can’t help it yo, I gotta bring ~quality content~ to my loyal readers.
I’m kidding, in case you’re dumb enough to not tell. I had someone going on a rampant Instagram rant because I called a close friend “pekyj’s crisis management team”. S/he thought I made my friends work for my blog. Regrettably, I’m already not paying my friends enough to deal with my constant drama. My friendship isn’t worth enough to make my friends work for free.
I was, in reality, referring to how my friends edit my argumentative essays to tone down the b1tchiness and remove my snide remarks, averting further conflicts. My personal favourite responses include:
“I think we need to write a 1200 word essay on why we think YT should say what we suggested.”
“I’m sorry for not replying quickly, don’t dock my non-existent pay.”
“Cannot la!!! Please don’t tell me you already sent that. Oh. Too late.”
“Stop being impulsive or you’ll face a fate worse than death.”
“Open his/her message to assess damage now.”
“It’s a slow night, there’s not much good content to work with from your drama today.”
I think my friends secretly bask in my chagrin and mocked aggravation. After all, birds of a feather flock together.
I supposed now that I’m a full grown adult, I’ll be expected to act like one — whatever that means. Who are we even kidding? In all honesty, adults have the least shit held together. But maybe this year I’ll finally learn to be kind.
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| Probably not. |
And they dare say change is the only constant in life. The only constant is my intolerance for bullshit and stupidity, puh-lease!
[Last updated on 26 December 2018. The post is already long enough so any further updates will be done on my liar friend part 2 post (click)]
Because of how complexed and preposterous this story is, I’ll introduce my characters.
Christina Koo, the antagonist, the supposed liar.
I met Christina Koo in university and together with another of our classmate, Charlene, we became good friends who talked almost every hour and spent many days a week together.
Christina Koo had two other good friends, Matty and Edwin, whom she knew from when they were kids. Jones is Matty’s older brother who supposedly passed away during a freak accident that involved Matty and Jones.
Matty and Christina Koo shared an unbreakable bond because he was always there for her when her foster mom was abusive and provided her a roof over her when she was chased out.
(Matty and Edwin are pseudonyms to protect their privacy. Charlene gets to keep her real name because she doesn’t care and she wants Christina Koo to be exposed.)
Because of how complexed and preposterous this story is, I’ll introduce my characters.
Christina Koo, the antagonist, the supposed liar.
I met Christina Koo in university and together with another of our classmate, Charlene, we became good friends who talked almost every hour and spent many days a week together.
Christina Koo had two other good friends, Matty and Edwin, whom she knew from when they were kids. Jones is Matty’s older brother who supposedly passed away during a freak accident that involved Matty and Jones.
Matty and Christina Koo shared an unbreakable bond because he was always there for her when her foster mom was abusive and provided her a roof over her when she was chased out.
(Matty and Edwin are pseudonyms to protect their privacy. Charlene gets to keep her real name because she doesn’t care and she wants Christina Koo to be exposed.)
With him, everything is a test, affection is measured, that given weighed against that which has been received, and the balance, more often than not, disappointing him.— Adapted from Before I Go to Sleep, S.J. Watson
He leans across to look at me. I think how attractive he is, that if he had been less damaged, I might have been in real trouble.
“Will I see you again?” he says.
“No,” I reply. “No. It’s over.”
The image of us in bed crept into the back of my mind as I read that passage. Interestingly, different as we were, 同床不同梦 never applied to us because we were both after the same thing. It was a pure oversight on God's part for bringing two self-seeking souls together.
The clouds parted to reveal an orange yolk. The chirping birds witnessed your fingers intertwining with mine for the first time as we crumbled into each other’s arms. You firmly clasped my hands in yours and, with an occasional soft squeeze, silently reminded me that you were there.
For someone who never liked opening up, talking to you was, surprisingly, a cathartic release. Is it cliche of me to say I’m glad we met only after I was stripped of my innocence and credulousness? It would have caused a catastrophe — possibly one that you silently sought — otherwise.
An absurd thought crept into my mind as we watched the sun painted the buildings a dirty yellow — the second time that fortnight. Despite it being excruciatingly obvious we were never meant for the aisle, I wondered, for a fleeting moment, could I live with this forever?
After all, they say the brain is like a muscle that you need to keep active. You picked my brains, you gave me challenges, your mind worked quickly to compete against mine. And I liked being around you because it comforted me to know that someone is as messed up as I am, perhaps even more.
“Leave.”— Gone Girl, Gillian Flynn
“I can't. Not yet. She’ll never really let me go. She likes the game too much.”
“Then stop playing it.”
I can't. I'm getting so much better at it.
If grief were an image,
it would be that morning I softly ran my hand through someone else's hair,
and pretended it was yours.
I'm sorry.
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Inspired by I Wrote This For You And Only You
How can any girl miss out the chance to take photos at Fantasyland at night? I love all the fairylights Hong Kong Disneyland put up, making the entire theme park look... Magical. I need to stop using that word but Disneyland is where the magic comes alive, am I right?
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| 我的少女时代 vibes. This was when the movie was released just 4 months before so everything was still fresh! |
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| I could barely reach the end of the automobile while Chelsea had to bend her legs |
From Fantasyland, we walked to Tomorrowland where Chelsea drove me on Autopia. Halfway through, we realised we might miss the starting of the fireworks because it was getting late T__T I rushed Chelsea to drive quickly (although it was out of her control but I'm an annoying friend like that) and we threatened to just stop in the middle of the path where we could see Fantasyland just to catch the fireworks LOL.
We were about done with Hong Kong Disneyland after Toy Story Land so we walked back to Adventureland to take some rides that we previously missed.
You can catch a glimpse of the cruise journey on my Disneyland vlog.
The cruise was seperated into three lines for English, Chinese and Cantonese speakers. We were the most comfortable with English, our first language, so naturally we made a beelined for the English queue. Thankfully, the queue was short and we boarded in no time.
Also, thank God we didn't have to queue for very long in any of the rides. I heard some of my friends queued 1-2 hours for some rides. Insane! Some of them even had to spend that few hours fending off queue-cutters. That'd have been a nghtmare because nothing drives me crazier than people who can't be bothered to stand in line. Really counting my lucky stars that Hong Kong Disneyland turned out to be such a pleasant experience for me.
Although Hong Kong Disneyland is opened from 10am to 8pm, the attractions have different opening hours. We didn't get to go to Tarzan's Treehouse because we didn't realise that it closes at 6pm.
Onboard Jungle River Cruise which, like the name suggests, brought us cruising along the river in Adventureland.
You can catch a glimpse of the cruise journey on my Disneyland vlog.
The cruise was seperated into three lines for English, Chinese and Cantonese speakers. We were the most comfortable with English, our first language, so naturally we made a beelined for the English queue. Thankfully, the queue was short and we boarded in no time.
Also, thank God we didn't have to queue for very long in any of the rides. I heard some of my friends queued 1-2 hours for some rides. Insane! Some of them even had to spend that few hours fending off queue-cutters. That'd have been a nghtmare because nothing drives me crazier than people who can't be bothered to stand in line. Really counting my lucky stars that Hong Kong Disneyland turned out to be such a pleasant experience for me.
