People spend so much of their lives trying to figure out what love is. All the books, songs and movies written about love... But nothing else compares to what you personally feel. I like to think of love as some sort of blanket, kind of like a blanket of security. That when you're in it, you feel warmth, comfort and in that moment, nothing else matters.

I like the idea of being in love but honestly, how many of us can maintain that feeling for long? Do you remember your first text confession and how you felt your heart in your throat upon feeling vibration from your phone? And how your world lights up for that little moment when you receive a call from the person you love? So exactly how much time do we have till love becomes an obligation instead of a feeling that makes you high?

I can't say I've seen many relationships that withstood the test of time and even less happily-ever-afters. What disturbs me the most is how love can fade away so gradually that you do not notice till it's too late. I experienced this once and the next time, I did everything I could to keep things going - put in the same amount of efforts I did when we were dating, wrote him monthly letters and little things like that. But it takes two hands to clap; eventually the cracks that I tried to hard to hide still began to show.

Therefore, is the other party at fault or my expectations of love? To be politically correct, I'd say there's no right or wrong when it comes to love. However, realistically speaking, something must have gone haywire for us to lose that intensity of our love, am I right? And mind you, this is no blame game I'm playing - I don't need that right now - I'm just desperate to figure this out.

How many of you spent the first few months of your relationship soaked in sugar coated words and sweet gestures only to have them taken away once you entered the serious stage of your relationship? That's what I'm afraid of. That all things good come to an end. How can you ensure that the person you're dating now will keep doing the things they did to get you in the first place? You simply can't.

I know I'd hate to love someone with every atom and molecule in my body only to find out that our relationship isn't going the way I envisioned when we first started. Yet at the same time, it's so draining for me to walk around with my defenses up all the time merely because I dare not allow myself to love fully. I hate that people change, things change, relationships change and I have no control over these changes.

If only there's a checklist for humans. That we can glance at someone and know what they're looking for, be it friends with benefits, a committed relationship or even just a companion. Or even know their characteristics so that we don't have to spend years getting to know them only to face a heartbreak in the end. Wouldn't that make our lives so much easier?

With almost a month since my last post, this might just be the longest break I've ever taken from blogging. I'll explain why in a bit but stick with me while I reminisce the good times.

It's been more than ten years since that day I stumbled upon blogger through a Yahoo search and started documenting my life. I've had ups and downs, although more ups than downs in the recent years. My readership has grown through the years and even shot up in 2015. It amazes me to no end how many people told me I inspired them. I'm just a small town girl you see in your everyday life - the thought of people being interested in me is still a relatively strange concept till today. I'm deeply humbled.

I still adore this space of mine dearly but that's precisely the reason I've stopped writing. Because people are interested, so I have to stop. I hate knowing that I'm no longer providing my readers with what they were here for from the start - my standard of English has dropped tremendously, so much that I have difficulties stringing sentences smoothly, and turning them into paragraphs of ramblings like I used to do. I feel incredibly stupid reading some of my recent posts - I know they are half-assed, written and posted just to keep this blog alive.

Do I want a blog where posts are quantity over quality? I don't think I can do that to something I so painstakingly built up over the years.

I knew for a long time that my English language has been deteriorating and I always told myself it's not my fault I'm too busy to do something about it but I realised it's all excuses. The problem with my generation is that we are all so addicted to our smartphones. If I have the time to refill my food on Neko Atsume (my newest addiction!!!), I can use the time to read a few pages from a book. It doesn't even have to be a novel. Just any book.

With that thought in mind, I picked up reading again, beginning with the few books I have at home that I bought when I was younger. Now I bring a book wherever I go, forcing myself to read even if I feel sleepy in the morning. Barely a week later, I can already feel my language improving. Before, I couldn't even write a short post of three paragraphs without taking a few days and words could no longer flow out as freely as they used to. But today, I finished writing this post in 30 minutes and I could just feel the words rushing out of my fingers as I typed furiously away.

Still, I don't want to commit to writing on here until I'm satisfied with my language skills again. I don't want to just churn out posts after posts that I don't feel passionate about. It's rubbish and I don't want my blog to turn into crap. It's okay if my language isn't stupendous and my vocabulary doesn't have to be remarkable either - I just need to to be proud of whatever content I put up here.

So this is a break I'll take for an indefinite amount of time. Who knows how long will it be till my English becomes as good as it was before. And hopefully, even better. I'm aware that by doing this I may lose readers, but at the end of the day, I think this is for the best in the long run. I will miss writing here but I keep reminding myself, quality over quantity.

I'll see you again by my 20th birthday. :-)

Meanwhile, you can still find me on instagram, twitter and dayre.

xxx

Sure, I love being paid to do what I did for free in school and the fact that I'm being paid to do what I enjoy doing is great but more specifically, I love talking to the stewardesses and stewards from my internship place because they always have such interesting travel stories to share! (｡◕‿◕｡) Since I don't have the financial capabilities to travel yet, just listen to the stories also not bad right hahahhaha.

They get to travel so often around the world and their lives sounded so exciting that for a moment, I was tempted to join them as well! Plus, they get to do authentic designer shopping from locations like US and Europe and things are definitely a lot cheaper there. *shiny eyes* Everyone knows my weakness is Marc Jacobs!!! Doesn't hurt that their paychecks allow them to shop at designer stores without feeling the pinch.

Also because everyone there kept asking me if I'm planning to fly after I'm done with my internship and I'm very easily influenced wtf. But I remembered that I don't hit the height requirement for any airlines so my dreams are shattered before they even begin fml hahahhahahaha.

I'm beginning to sound like a bimbo but the truth is, even if I'm tall enough, I'm not sure if I can handle the responsibilities that come with flying. I think I'll just work hard and pay for my own travels hahahahhaha.

I disconnect myself from reality, I told myself to stop expecting. When you're nice to me, I keep reminding myself that you are not the same person I fell in love with. I always told myself to not have any expectations anymore because I know you cannot fulfill them. Sometimes I put on an act so well that I fool even myself. Hmmm, maybe I really don't care anymore...

Yet, at the end of the day?

It still hurts because I still love you. I don't know how can I stop and it's tearing me apart. I cannot talk about it to anyone, I cannot understand you, I don't know what I want. One sentence from you is enough to bring me up to heaven or drag me down to hell. My heart still skips a beat when you flirt with me, I still feel butterflies in my stomach when you kiss me.

But none of these change the fact that you're the different person from who you were two years back. If you're different, then who and what am I in love with? The tiny cells that make up who you are? Or am I blinded by who you were? Am I waiting for a miracle to happen so that you could be the same again? How long can I hold on to this hope till it gets too tiring?

Why won't you talk to me?

I feel disgusted. A few months ago, I thought I have finally recovered from this illness that has haunted me since I was 13 but as I started putting on weight, it happened again. I can't stop weighing myself, I can't put down that measuring tape. I spend my free time looking at myself in the mirror and criticizing every flaw I could find.

I have no one to turn to anymore because I don't know how to tell people that it doesn't work and I've lost hope. I can't even bring myself to write about it because I feel like such a failure. All the time I wasted seeing my counselor didn't help at all.

Perhaps what scares me the most is the fact that no one might ever understand... Or even try. I hate being brushed aside, I hate it when people tell me I just need to change my mindset. Mental disorders are such a bitch; you keep telling yourself that it's all in your mind but it starts affecting you physically and when it consumes you in every part of your life, you're forced to admit that it's no longer just in your head.

How is it not affecting my life when I get panic attacks even while taking public transport? The anxiety sets in even when I think about getting on a crowded bus. People keep telling me to see a therapist and I'll get better but how can I afford long-term therapy?

Every weekday I get up and go to work. It's almost like I'm on my autopilot mode. But I can't escape forever. Autopilot on, I feel nothing. Autopilot off, terror sets in. I hate that even mundane things like walking home frightens me and I have to constantly look behind me or even run to my void deck to feel safe.

Why can't I just eat without worrying about the oil in my food? Nobody else feels grossed out eating the same food, so why do I face this problem? And I don't get why can't I just go exercise instead of freaking out about my weight gain. I don't even understand myself, how do I expect anyone to understand this disaster that I am...?

Why can't I feel comfortable in my own skin and why can't people let me be without trying to change me? It took me so long to grow this little bit of self-confidence but you had to destroy it with one sentence but I don't blame anyone. The smallest thing can be my trigger and it's just so shitty.

Is this just a relapse or are my monsters here to stay?

[ad]

Last week, McDonald's invited me and a guest down to try out their newest burger - the all new GOLDEN Samurai burger! I picked Wanyi, who shared with me her inspiring inner samurai story.


Samurai values include respect, courage, honesty, compassion, honour and/or loyalty. As for me, my inner samurai story was when I decided to do what none of my peers have ever done - drop my combined science to focus on my remaining five subjects for O Levels. Stupid or not, I believe my courageous inner samurai moment defined my results and brought me to where I am today.


Of course, what's a samurai without his food right? The newly launched Golden Samurai burger has new secret ingredients and it's up to you courageous samurais to try it out!

I'm usually not courageous with my food at all as I'm superrrrrrrr picky but I have to say I loved both the samurai and new samurai burgers! I'm no food expert - I can only tell you what I tasted without the flowery language - the buns were really soft, the meat tender, the sauce was just the right amount and paired with the all time favourite seaweed shaker fries?! What more can I say!


The Golden Samurai burgers are available from now, while stocks last, and the original Samurai burger, seaweed shaker fries and Mocha flavoured McFlurry will also be available during this period.

People always say that as you grow older, you learn who your true friends are. However, I feel like it's the opposite for me. The older I am, the harder it is for me to differentiate who wants to be here for me and who only wants a part of me. What is it about me that allows people to leave so easily?

Every time someone talks to me, I question their intentions. I find it exhausting to be so paranoid but I have to build walls to protect myself. I'm sick of letting people in easily just to get hurt in the end. I hate thinking that someone cares about me or that they're gonna stay in my life permanently only to watch them leave when they're done with me.

I'm tired of all these people in my life.

Help me. I'm so worn out...

I have to admit that things are getting hard. I can't get you out of my mind but I can't go back to the past. Something is absent from my life. Moving about daily feel like chores to me; even breathing feels difficult at times. Why does everything reminds me of you...?

I do nothing but mope around all day. I feel myself destroying what I've built up over so many years. I try to write my but every piece seems inadequate. How can I put the overwhelming feeling we shared into words? There's nothing I can do except torture myself with memories of you.

Tell me, what can I do to forget?

Why did you say something you never meant?

Wrote this awhile back.

-

I didn't want to fall back into the game of love; it's too complicated and it's not for me. At least not yet. But you came along with your stupid jokes and I can't stop laughing when I'm with you. I find myself sounding like a teenage girl again, giggling at everything you said.

You provided me with the care and concern that has been absent in my life for the past few months and I find myself opening up and teasing you more as the days fly by. I felt a jolt of electricity run through my spine when you first held me. I can say no, I can act like I don't care but I can't deny the butterflies in my stomach.

That's when I know I'm screwed again.

My biggest regret was thinking that you would be different.

That you would take time to care for me.
That you would love me and treat me right.
That you would not do what they did to me.
That you would talk to me to understand me.

I willingly gave you my heart and trusted you with it.

I thought this could be my happy ending.
I thought what we had was real.
I thought we could always work things out.
I thought I found true love.

Of all things I assumed, nothing hurts more than the fact that I thought you'd be different.

I stopped talking to you because you stopped listening. It's as simple as this.

A long time ago, we used to be able to talk things out because we both listened and tried to change for the better. For you, for me, for us. But today, it's no longer like this between us. This feeling is unexplainable... I don't know which is worse, meeting someone whom you thought was perfect for you till he changed or not meeting your soulmate at all?

I hate wasting my energy on someone who knows how certain things make me feel but refuse to rectify them. I hate the fact that you know what makes me happy - and these are things that don't cost you a dime - but you refuse to do them simply because you're "too busy", "have nothing to say" or worse, you brush me off with, "is it really that important?"

Yes. Yes it is.

If it's not important, would I keep repeating myself? You think I enjoy pestering you huh?

But so what if it is? You wouldn't do anything about it. You know it yourself too.

So just leave it.

...

After a while, you give up.

You give up explaining because it takes longer than a lifetime to explain something to someone with the stubbornness of a mule. Why waste your saliva and life? No matter what you say, nothing will go through his thick skulls. To him, he's always right. And when he's wrong, don't expect him to apologise - he never will - he'll find an excuse to twist his words until he's right. Yup, he's right even when he's wrong.

You give up trying because no matter what you do, he'll never see it. You talk to him, you show him through actions, you tell him how you feel. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is how HE feels and what HE thinks is right. He gives you deadlines to meet his requirements, but he doesn't tell you that. Go figure out what he wants yourself.

You give up on 'us' and 'we' because it's so easy for him to do the same. It takes two hands to clap, two people to make things work. At the same time, when things don't work out, it should be both your faults. But not the way he sees it. You're just there to shoulder the blame when things go wrong. One mistake and you're out.

You give up being proud because you can never hold your head up around him. It's easy. He made a mistake, you made a mistake, nobody is mending anything. He doesn't show you off anymore either. People have been questioning if you are still together. Just as well too, you don't have to explain how everything is falling apart.

You give up trying to explain anyway. Day by day, you look more like you're in a delusional relationship when he has already erased every trace of you. His phone's password? You don't even know what is it and you don't care because it's no longer your anniversary date. His wallpapers are no longer your ootd or Hello Kitty. You can try pestering him but he'll only brush you off. He will no longer tweet you cute tweets or post photos of you on his Instagram. You ask him why he doesn't post anything anymore and his perfunctory replies remain the same. "Soon," he will say.

You give up what's most important to you because that's not what he thinks is important. He stops showing appreciation. No thank you, no words of appreciation. Eventually you stop saying those words too. Not because you stopped appreciating, but because countless people, including his friends, told you your problem is you show too much love and you let him know that you love deeply.

You give up telling him how much you love him for the same reason. He doesn't tell you he misses you anymore too. Maybe he does but doesn't say it, or maybe because he simply doesn't miss you anymore. He stopped telling you 'I love you' randomly in the day. He doesn't sweet talk you anymore. He doesn't even call your selfies cute and you don't remember the last time he praised you without you digging for it. He doesn't call you at night and haven't done so for months.

You give up wondering about your future together because there's no 'together' anymore. To be together, he needs 'to-get-her' but he's not trying anymore. You stopped trying too. He doesn't see you in his future - his words, not mine. He can argue that actions speak louder than words, or that he was just kidding. But ask yourself, has he ever included you in any of his future plans?

After a while, you give up.

And that's when the end comes.

I'm trying to reduce angsty rants on my blog because they do no good to this blog or my life but I'm damn pissed off today. I'm so annoyed that all the travel opportunities in the recent years never materialised. Maybe I sound petty now but if you've been reading my blog for quite some time, you would know how much I love travelling. So much that I would even say love is an understatement.

But all the chances I get really just 擦肩而过, which makes me really depressed. Like God is trolling me. if I don't have the destiny to travel then don't give me false hopes la!!! Make me happy then sad. :( It's not even because I have financial problems or no freedom to do what I want. It's literally these chances brushing by me and mocking at me.

It got so bad sometime this year that I was seriously contemplating visiting Hong Kong alone since I already had my itinerary planned out. I didn't in the end because I thought it would be a busy period for me at that time so I'd rather stay in Singapore and get my work done than to worry about them in Hong Kong. Obviously, in an attempt to mock me even more, the things that I cancelled my trip for didn't happen AND I wasn't even needed at work during that period of time!!!


I was so frigging dejected that I cried for days because I've been looking forward to this trip since 2013 and I already had everything planned out! Including the hotels and even the places to dined in. This led me to feeling damn miserable and hateful when I see my friends posting their travel photos because


I felt even more horrible after that because I knew I shouldn't be feeling this way but at the same time I couldn't help it. I'm so freaking jealous of my friends who get to travel several times a year to different places. To places I can only dream about going. To places I've only read about in books. Why them? Why me?

Less than six months to my 20th birthday and I've never been to Disneyland. Not even the smallest one while my peers are conquering Disneyland, Disney World, DisneySea. Heck, I've never been out of Southeast Asia on my own (the two times I was out - to China and Australia - were school trips that were more educational than anything else and I was too young to know anything or even have photos as memories).

All the trips promised by the people around me? Never fulfilled. I mean, I can't blame them for having commitments but I can't help feeling disappointed and let down too.

I guess sometimes I just have to be brave. Trust myself. Throw caution to the wind. Go out there and explore on my own. Or I'll just get McBreakfast tomorrow to I can cheer myself up. Lol.

giant creatures flew across the gray sky
their hide made of stone
and they had diamond eyes

beasts crawl out of their cave
after hiding for a millennium
with their skin intricate like a maze

they tore and scratched yet
with light came the dark
and he left his evil scars

a blood-curdling scream makes its way
out of her tired throat
before it was ripped into pieces

it has been done
she is now a part of
the never ending dark

Just submitted 10 poems for my Creative Writing module's final assignments and I'm finally done with my final in-school semester! Well, I still have two more exams to go but I'm back here! Hopefully I'll be more active in the weeks to come but here's a mini update because I feel so guilty that I haven't been updating or replying to comments ugh. I've been soooo busy with school and I can say that I've put in the most effort this semester. Let's hope that it shows in my results :-)

Life has been pretty smooth-sailing generally in the recent months that I was missing in action. While there was a period of turbulence, I understand that a little darkness is sometimes needed for me to see the light. And I came out stronger than before, so why not right? God, sometimes I'm not used to myself being so positive hahaha!

Now that I'm done with my final assignments and have already settled my internship placement (I got my dream internship!!!), I'm beginning to worry about university admission. This is something that has been bugging me for quite some time because I wasn't even sure if I wanted a degree in the beginning but since diplomas are kind of "the new O Level cert", I guess I need to up my game.

However, I always knew that money will be an issue so my plan was to start working before I start studying again. I thought I'd naturally decide on something once I start working but now that I'm so close to entering the workforce, the future seems a little too blurry for my liking. I'm someone who likes things structured and I want to set goals for myself to lead a fulfilling life so I feel rather uncomfortable that I haven't got anything to look forward to.

Now I'm fretting over what to study. Literally every lecturer I've met for the past five semesters said to not do another communication or media degree because ultimately, we'll be repeating what we've been doing. I've checked several brochures from different universities and what the lecturers said is kind of true but what if that's the only thing I'm interested in?

I don't see myself being in another industry other than media and I can't see myself studying something I barely have interest in either. I know most graduates go on to study social sciences or even business management but I'm not 100% sure that I'll have as much passion in other courses as I have in Mass Comm right now. To make matters worse, I'm limited by my lack of interest in mostly anything else, financial capabilities and an average GPA.

I honestly don't have a lot of options but I've cut them down to a few choices:

• Major in Communication, minor in Psychology
• Major in Communication, minor in Sociology
• Major in Sociology, minor in Communication
• Major in Sociology, minor in Psychology
• Major in Psychology, minor in Sociology

I guess I'll just be playing around with these three courses but I still need more time to weigh the pros and cons of each option and also if I think I can handle a double degree. I don't want to go into something without the drive to do well and waste my time. Thank god I'm taking a two year break to work before going back to studies so hopefully I'll have my life figured out by then.

Oh, whatever. Not that anyone on this platform cares much about my concern for my future hahaha. I promise I'll be back with better posts soon! I have lots of ideas but most of them are half-assed posts sitting in my drafts. I guess I'll refine them and post them soon hehe. Stay tuned!

Spending the last few days alone made me realised four things.

• My perception can change everything 

It's normal to fall into a slump sometimes but what's important is I snap myself out of it. For the past few days, I didn't let myself listen to the songs that would affect me and if I accidentally played them, I refused to succumb to my sadness or even write about it. I knew what were my trigger for tears and stopped thinking about those issues.

I'm ashamed to say I sobbed the first night then teared a little on the second. I knew you would have hated that. By the third day, I still find myself thinking of you, especially when I received good news because you were always the first one I turned to with good news, but I felt tranquility for the first time since forever. I am in control of my own emotions and I never even knew how much control I had till today.

I gave myself a break and stopped blaming everything on myself. For once, I learned to love myself, accept compliments and lived for myself; I didn't even do that on purpose, it just gradually happened. Instead of my usual volatile mood swings, I feel like I'm surrounded by serenity. Everything became brighter, the bleak future suddenly felt warm and hopeful. I guess, the world is not as bad as I thought it was after all.

• It's okay to not be okay

Initially I kept asked myself why but now I know change is necessary and inevitable. It's okay to leave some things unresolved, it's okay to not rush through things just because it's expected of us, it's okay to slow down, it's okay to have different opinions. Sometimes it's necessary to take a break so that we have the energy to continue the journey.

When I face a problem, my first instinct is to solve it; I focus so much on how to solve this problem and overthink, resulting in me missing out the better things in life. I've since learned to slow down and just enjoy the pace of life. Sometimes things don't happen the way I want them to, but that's okay because I'll still be okay in the end.

• My happiness relies on myself

I've relied on others for my happiness for long enough. It's time for me to take charge of my own happiness. In the past, I needed validation from others. They tell be I'll be fine, I'm good enough, my work is of excellent quality. When I receive no such affirmation, I assumed I'm not doing well causing me to feel paranoid and insecure. When I'm upset and the people I turned to did not reply fast enough, I thought I wasn't important and they didn't care about me.

It hasn't been this case for the past few days. I don't need others to tell me what I am or what I'm not; nobody knows me better than myself. For once in a long while, I feel okay with myself. I don't need constant assurance or replies to feel better. I don't have to compare myself to anyone else because I'm living my own life and nobody leads the same life. I'm fine with not having what other people have and I'm okay with moving at my own speed so long as I'm comfortable with it.

I know this sounds cliché but I spent the last few years looking for someone to love me when all I needed was to love myself. The few nights I spent alone reflecting taught me I have to love myself before anyone can even love me. I kept trying to find someone who could fix me when all I needed to fix was my perception, give myself a break and stop being my own biggest critique. When I find peace within myself, everything will fall into place. I realised, hey you know, I can survive on my own.

I never understood why people say, "find someone you don't need in your life but still want to have" but today I finally got it. The fact that I don't need anyone for my survival but still chose to be around the people I hang out with makes things even more precious.

• How fulfilling heavy workloads can actually be

I always loved school, and have always made it clear to everyone that I love whatever I'm doing. But this week, in particular, made me understand the saying "the roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet." There's no better feeling than getting praised for something you've worked so hard on and getting A(s) for unexpected assignments. 

At least when I'm busy, I know I'm doing something productive with my life instead of wasting my years away not knowing what's up or what's coming for me. Times like these I'm motivated to go on despite the crazy last three weeks of school. 

---

I keep forgetting how much control I have over my life. Nothing makes me sadder than me and nothing makes me happier than me.

Hell month is here again with the endless submissions, tests, presentations whatsoever. As usual, when it comes to me, bad things don't just happen once in a while - they hit me like a wrecking ball all at once. It seems like everyday, someone just has to ruin life for me. I dread waking up every morning because I don't know what's going to hit me and I'm tired of acting like I don't care when I do. I'm sick of pretending I'm fine with everything and life is just a bed of roses when it's more like piles of shit. 

The past weeks has been dreadful due to several events happening over July. They leave behind an unpleasant taste in my mouth that I haven't been able to get rid of since. I haven't felt this way in a long time and it sucks that I can't talk to the person involved. It drives me to the edge that I'm unable to talk about it because I know nothing can be solved this way but sometimes I just wonder if some words are really better left unsaid...? I used to be so sure to say whatever I feel in an outright manner so that I don't have to hide my feelings but now I'm not sure anymore.

Anyhow, I'm glad my friends have been my pillar of strength, giving me difficulties keeping a straight face in class, encouraging me and keeping me sane :') Even though I know I'm being super spiteful towards people who intentionally hurt me, these friends are the ones who stayed to support me, laugh with me and occasionally remind me I'm being too extreme. I wish I could post screenshots of what we talk about but that would just get me into trouble so I'm not gonna do that. Lol.

In a way, I'm also thankful for the upcoming hell weeks because at least school will keep me distracted as it always does when I'm upset. Looking at the upcoming projects, I can only say despite how terrible I'm feeling deep inside, I know I'm really blessed. To be able to study what I love, to even enjoy what I'm doing when I'm drowning in my work. I've never experienced anything more satisfying than what I'm doing right now.

I'm busy and unhappy.
But that's okay.
Because I'll be okay.

Dear you,

I'm sorry I'm so clingy.

I wish I don't have to apologise or explain myself yet at the same time I feel the need to. Perhaps it's because I'm afraid of annoying you or the fact that I know you won't try to understand. Introversion is something I need to grow out of, social anxiety means I'm being a pussy. Well, then I hope you know how freaking special you are, that I'm willing to crawl out of my shell for you.

When you said, "It's all in your head", I didn't know how to feel. Most people say that to imply that I'm not trying hard enough. I try to look at it from the bright side, I try to believe you're trying to show support - maybe with the wrong choice of words - but I see it as a sign that you believe I can get out of this alive.

When you said, "Everything will be alright", tears flooded down my cheeks. To any other person, these are simple words, words that can be said by anyone, words that may not mean anything. However, to have you actually worded your support felt amazing; if you knew how much better your words actually make me feel, would you be more generous with them? I wish you knew what a huge difference your words of encouragement can make.

Anyway, I digressed.

When you ask me why am I so emotionally dependent on you, I couldn't give you an answer. Today I sat down and forced an answer out of myself. Why do I insist on more time more time more time when I'm perfectly happy being alone? Why is it that the time we have together never seems enough when in reality, I prefer spending time with myself than anything else? Why do I crave spending more time with you when I find joy in solitary?

Because you make me happy.

It's this straightforward. I can be happy alone, but I'd rather be happy with you. I'm contented being alone, but with you, everything gets much better. I talk more, open up more, laugh more... I feel happier more, and I feel it so easily. All signs of an unhealthy person - the constant insecurities, the irrational fears, the uncontrollable jealousy, the self-hate - all gone with the wind, just with your presence. The dark clouds seem to lift themselves and I never remember those issues when I'm with you.

When you're with me, you cuddle my angst away instead of letting the demons inside my head swallow me up. With you, it feels like all my endless worries disappear, as though they were never troubling me in the first place. When you're by my side, you're the logical part of my brain, you chase away my irrational fears. When I succeed at making you laugh, it's as if the world stops and marvel at my ability to trigger such a wonderful sound.

Of course, I know this is me being selfish. We can never return to the past where you were just as eager to spend time together. I know I probably drain your energy because it's not easy caring for such a sensitive person but I forget this sometimes because I'm so desperate to feel better. I neglect your personal needs and wants while I'm on my quest to find myself.

So what is the perfect balance?

I want to feel better but I don't want to burden you when you're already so busy. I don't know if there will ever be a solution. Maybe the situation will get better with time as promised? Or maybe I'll get better. I don't know what's the point of this post either. It's all really confusing right now. I guess I just want you to understand how being with you affects my mental well being in a good way, and how much all of these means to me.

It's not that I expect you to give up anything for me - trust me, I don't. I just wish there's more than 24 hours in a day, more than 7 days in a week, more time for me to be around you so so that I can heal. Yes, I can survive on my own but my world just feels a little better and spins a little faster with you around.

Sorry for this crappy post (probably crappy grammar too) but I'm worn out and exhausted. I'm sick of trying to hold back my tears or sobbing silently. It's near to 4am now and I have a test at 9am, another test tomorrow at 2pm, yet another test and a fiction story due on Wednesday then finally, a critique due on Friday but I spent the last hour typing and backspacing my thoughts because it seem like no word will ever be adequate to describe what's happening.

Someone once commented, "You're such a sad person. Why are you always so sad?"

I'm afraid to be happy. Every time I feel elated, something has to go wrong. My mood is epitome of what goes up must come down. Nothing goes my way. Really. I've came to terms with that but that doesn't mean it hurts any less or I've stopped feeling disappointed. It's just numbness. That I expected this but I wished with every atom of my body that it wouldn't happen, but it did and I don't know how to feel about that.

Have you ever felt so low you can't even feel any emotion running through your blood? Have you ever felt your blood freeze and the world stop as you hear a sentence being muttered? Have you thought of running away to some place where you can sort your mind out and rediscover yourself only to realise that there's so much responsibilities on your shoulders and you can't simply just walk out of them?

Have you ever looked forward to a perfect day but that day never comes? And you keep buying yourself more time. Surely it'd be different soon, you tell yourself. Time crawls by so slowly that you don't realise it's ticking as your fruitless wait continues. Till one day you look back and shock yourself with how different things are now. How much everything has changed except for you because you stood there stubbornly, thinking that one day you will once again experience what you thought was the best day of your life.

Sadly, most experiences only come once. Good things never come easy. Live while it lasts, breathe in the magic. You might never live that day again. And if you're one of the lucky ones who get to experience it again and again and again, congratulations. I want to be happy for you but I'm really just extremely jealous.

(Ad) - Read on because I have a special discount code specially for you readers, courtesy of Panasonic Singapore and Omy!

Let me tell you a secret about me that I'm quite ashamed of. If you know me personally, I'm a very lazy girl and since puberty ended (goodbye daily acne break outs!) I usually only wash my face with water... Or facial cleanser fortnightly when I feel like it. No toner, mask or serum.

To be honest, when Omy invited me for a beauty workshop with Bryan Gan I was skeptical. I've been using just water for the past few years and it hasn't caused any major problems. Admittedly, my skin's condition could be a lot better but why take the risk with new products on the market especially when I have sensitive skin?

Ladies, even if you're not familiar with Bryan Gan, I'm sure you know the show '女人我最大'. Well, Bryan is the Singapore representative in that show and he has been appearing for the past three seasons! Obviously, I'm not going to give up this rare opportunity so I decided to go for the talk and thank god I was there because I'm can now share some very useful tips with you girls!


Firstly, before anything else, do you know that the key to youthful skin isn't in the products you but your breathing techniques? Yes! All these years of us not doing the correct breathing exercises will eventually accumulate and result in us aging ungracefully.

Did you know that our stem cells, which repairs our skin, actually start to "fall asleep" when we turn 19! This simply 3 step breathing exercise taught by Bryan will help activate your stem cells, which reactivate your stem cells to repair your skin faster.

1. Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds
2. Hold your breath for 7 seconds
3. Exhale through your mouth for 8 seconds

Not only does this exercise help you reactivate your stem cells, it cools you down when you're aggravated and we all know that being angry gives us wrinkles that we don't need. I don't know about you but I'll definitely be using this exercise a lot because I have anger management problems, especially when working on a school project. ಠ_ಠ


Additionally, the correct breathing technique would ensure that your lungs capacity stay in shape - extremely important, especially in TCM where they believe that the condition of our hair and skin revolves around our lungs. Do this short and simple exercise three times in the morning and three times at night to reactivate your lungs cell and ensure that your lungs stay healthy!

So as you can see, there is a pattern here of reactivating your cells because they tend to "fall asleep" as we age T_T Similarly, massages and kneading on our face will keep our skin looking radiant and smooth. Instead of spending money at spas daily, which would be quite impossible because of the price, Panasonic came up with the Panasonic Facial Roller.


The Panasonic Facial Roller comes with two removable rollers so you can change them depending on which body or face area you're targeting. There is also a heating element to create a warming effect on your skin for better blood circulation.


As Bryan demonstrated, the flat stroking roller can be used to roll on your face in an upwards direction to prevent your skin from sagging but as a teenager, sassy skin is not my concern yet. Bryan caught my attention when he shared that the roller could be used on your stomach as well! This roller helps with digestion and the toning of your stomach without exercising!


Also, one thumb above your naval is where you can "remove the water" in your body system. By pressing one thumb there for six seconds for around ten times, you can help transport the water stuck in your stomach out of your body. You can do this small exercise after using the flat stroking roller to be even more effective in getting a flat tummy!


For the round squeezing roller, it can be used on your jaw area, rolled 10-15 times upwards to give you a firmer face and more defined jawline! *dreamy eyes* Not only that, you can use this to roll on your neck, your arms and even your legs!

With a diamond grip, their rollers give a gentle kneading and massage feeling on your skin. This is especially important for teenagers like me because I'm constantly typing away on my laptop and my neck is perpetually aching. 

Moreover, the cordless Panasonic Facial Roller would allow you to easily carry it anywhere. Ideal if you want to bring this to school or office to relax after a hectic day. Imagine a portable spa?!




As for your delicate eyes, Bryan shared with us that corn silk can be used to make tea which you can drink once a twice a week to detox your body and reduce puffiness and water retention in your eyes.

In addition to that, Panasonic's Eye Warming Massager can help improve circulation around your eye area, especially for our generation where our eyes are constantly either glued to our laptops or smartphones ಠ╭╮ಠ

Panasonic's Eye Warming Massager emits warm steam that moisturises eye area and this is especially crucial for vain pots who wears contact lenses because contact lenses tend to dry your eyes. Also, the two types of vibrating massage modes help user relieve eye strain - important teenagers like you and me because constantly staring at our electronic devices leads to tired eyes.

Most importantly, the rotary power cord and compact size means that you can use it anywhere and easily bring it anywhere including overseas! It's also rechargeable so if you're planning to bring it to school or office, you don't have to bring the power cord along!



As Bryan suggested, the most 'shiok' way of using this is when you're lying down because you can fully enjoy the warm comfortable steam but I can already see myself bringing this to school. Imagine when you're dealing with a slacker in your project group and you just take this out, relax and go back to reality with sparkly eyes. Even if this doesn't solve your slacker problem, at least you look glam while rushing work.


If you're looking for more than just an eye steamer, Panasonic also has the Compact Facial Steamer for your face. Facial steaming is not foreign in the beauty industry as it can reduce facial oil and sebum and refine pores for smoother skin but Panasonic's Compact Facial Steamer emits nano particle ion steam to provide deep moisture retention for your skin and increase the firmness and suppleness of your skin!


Although Panasonic's Compact Facial Steamer is not suitable for you to put in essential oil in, Bryan taught us another of his hacks - to tape a pack of essential oil above the facial steamer so the steam passes through the essential oil before reaching our faces, giving us the best of both worlds! Do it just once a week for a maximum of six minutes each time and you'll be able to see a difference in your face.

After using the facial steamer, most people would splash their faces with cold water but Panasonic has another product to enhance that step!


Introducing the Panasonic Facial Cool Putter, which reaches about 15℃ and instantly cools and tightens skin. For supple and moisturised skin, you can use the Compact Facial Steamer for six minutes then use this Facial Cool Putter for another two minutes. To take care of your pores, you can use the Compact Facial Steamer for three minutes, use this Facial Cool Putter for another minute, then go back to the Compact Facial Steamer for two minutes and Facial Cool Putter for one last minute.



Even without the Compact Facial Steamer, this product alone is extremely lovely in Singapore's hot weather. Can you imagine that already? Bring this portable design out in Singapore's forever summer weather and putting the cold metal against your skin when everyone else is burning in the weather. The best thing is the special treatment on your skin contact surface prevents metal allergy so you don't have to worry even if you have sensitive skin!

After Bryan's talk, we walked around trying the products and I finally got my hands on the Panasonic Facial Roller. Verdict: I love it!!!

I bought the Panasonic Facial Roller for my mom (with my own money, not sponsored) because she often complains about body aches and she's also very into beauty products. I'll be sharing more on the facial roller on my blog when I've received it and I'm so excited to try it on my neck and stomach too!!!

From now till 5 July 2015, Panasonic Singapore is extending a very special offer exclusive for my readers!





You may purchase the products in 3 simple steps -

1. Email hanwei.chew01@sg.panasonic.com with subject "Blog readers' promo - Panasonic Beauty (omy.sg)"
2. Indicate product name, model, and quantity of items you wish to purchase.
3. Indicate your name and contact number, as well as my blog URL (pekyj.blogspot.com)

Panasonic Singapore will then reply to your email with the payment and delivery details. Remember, promotion is only till 5 July 2015, while stocks last!

Note: I am not earning any commission from this and I'm sharing these products because I truly believe that they work :-)

This is a very common question but it freaks me out endlessly. At 19, I feel like I'm neither an adult nor a teen. I just passed my last teen birthday but we are only considered adults at 21. So what happens when you're 20?

To me, 20 will be the age of discovery. You lose the fake friends you made in secondary school and poly. You stop being this naive and innocent but gain more knowledge. You shed a part of you in order to grow and you can only hope you don't lose a part of you in your transition to adulthood.

When I think of me as an adult, there are two variations.

1. A career-driven woman with her dream job

I want to be in the advertising industry or social media marketing. But how many people can make it big? That's my worry. What if I don't earn enough to give my mom a comfortable life? I promised her I'll do my best so that our family will never ever have to worry about money again. But will my best be enough? How can I perform up to task and ensure that I don't disappoint anyone?
 
The woman that I see myself in ten years has never worked a day in her life. She can sacrifice her sleep to ensure that every pixel of her design is in place but she's happy doing that. She doesn't care about her pay or her position in the company - she just wants to be happy doing what she's passionate about. And that's a lot like me right now.

When I imagine myself at 29, I see a girl who's finally confident of her work and has proven that she's capable. I see a woman who is very focused and very passionate about the industry she's in. I see a woman taking pride in each and every of her design, I see a woman loving every campaign she's taken up.

At 29, earning more money will be a bonus, but my priority is still focused on making sure I constantly improve myself. I still want my designs to be near-perfect and they get the recognition they need. Maybe making money will be a worry later on in life but for now, I cannot imagine myself working in an industry just for the good pay.

However, I am fully aware that I cannot survive on passion alone. Passion doesn't pay my bills or give me food. Much as I'd like to focus all my energy on designing, making sure I get a good pay is another thing. And how do you define good pay when diplomas are the new O Level certs in our generation? I'm planning to stop at a diploma for now and start working as soon as possible. Is my choice the correct choice?

I am also neglecting office politics. I don't know how they work and I'm not sure if I can handle it well. I never liked sucking up to people, never knew how to say nice things to others just to please them. I'm just not that kind of person and I don't know how to make myself likeable either. Some people are just born with it, unfortunately not me. So many things I need to learn before entering the workforce. I know that's not who I am but sometimes circumstances don't let us be who we truly are, right?

2. I also see myself being a housewife with an adorable kid in ten years.

I've always said I wanted to be a housewife when I was younger because I didn't know where I was heading towards. Maybe this dream hasn't died in me or maybe it's the motherly instincts most girls are born with, but I also see myself as a supportive wife and caring mom.

I don't think I can ever do a better job than my mom but I see myself being the first teacher to my kid, nurturing him, teaching him life values that he will hold close to his heart. Yes, I see myself with a son because I think boys have cuter clothes in H&M lol. Okay, maybe I'm not ready to be a mom yet but I see myself ready by then hahahaha.

My future husband will hold me when I'm sad and take long, therapeutic walks with me when needed. We'll be a corny family, the kind you only see on television commercials. I will tighten his tie for him before he goes to work and he will always remember to give me a kiss if I'm still sleeping. I will wait for my future husband to return home and we will hug each other the moment he steps in. I don't want my son to grow up thinking affection is something to be ashamed about.

But what I'm forgetting is the fact that every family is dysfunctional on some level and mine will be too, in the future. I'm avoiding the adult stuff like struggling to get a car because of the ever rising COE, not being able to buy a flat because of insufficient funds in our CPF because I'll spend a lot of my CPF paying off my student loans. I'm choosing to not think about the insecurities, the fights, the yelling, the cries. But not thinking about them doesn't mean they don't exist.

I cannot imagine myself trusting someone to take care of me and be there for me for life. I am clingy, controlling, insecure and paranoid. I cannot imagine someone loving me unconditionally despite everything that I am. I cannot imagine someone telling me, "I'm willing to spend a lifetime with you despite all that you are." People tell me that's what true love is all about but how many of us really find true love in our lifetime?

I don't know, I'm just really in a dilemma.

And I've been so addicted to Internet shopping recently!!! I can't find the time for a much-needed physical retail therapy since I've been so busy with school so I’ve been scrolling through online stores so much. Honestly, I have absolutely no idea what am I wearing half the time because school has been so hectic nobody really cares about what they wear to school anymore.

But thank god I’m not too out of trend because at least I've been following some recent fashion trends with Zalora. I actually got inspired to put together this outfit after looking through the catalog for their cute and quirky trend. Cute is totally my style and I guess quirky is what I'd like to imagine myself to be? LOL. But the main point is that I didn't spend too much on this! Just dug around my old wardrobe for some old pieces that I've never worn after getting inspired and taadaaa!

I hope I inspired you to take a look at the recent fashion trends and try to improvise with what you already have! The first rule of shopping is that fashion doesn't always have to be expensive. And the second rule is if you don't have something - buy it! You can never have too much of anything ;-)

Cried till I have nothing left, sobbed till I lost my voice but I still woke up with an aching heart. To say I'm disappointed would be a severe understatement. If God exist, he must be a sadist laughing so hard at me right now because my life is a series of jokes.

Treated myself to an expensive but cute-looking luggage because I convinced myself that I haven't went overseas in such a long time, I probably deserve a luggage of my own. Ha, ended up not going anywhere. Gave up a Taiwan trip because I thought I was heading to Hong Kong and didn't want to spend too much money this year. Guess what? Staying in Singapore for the rest of the year because of the bad decisions I made.

Few years ago, I believed so much in the law of attraction. I watched the movie more than four times. I try my best think positive thoughts everyday. The universe gives you what you often think about and because of that, I tried to not talk about bad experiences on my blog Positive mindset will attract positive things because your thoughts manifest into things, no?

Bullshit.

I had nothing but good feelings the whole time. Staying hopeful despite the odds. Looking forward to this for the past two years. At one point, I was so excited I even had photos of Disneyland as my wallpaper. I did my research and thought about Hong Kong every night before I sleep. Even dreamt of the places I could visit there. I thought I could finally touch the places I could only see in pictures.

I did my research, changed my dental appointments, planned the whole itinerary, emailed hotels, checked the weather forecast, read blog posts on Hong Kong every single damn day. I did everything the universe said to do, I followed the law of attraction.

Maybe it's silly to anyone reading this. It's just Hong Kong right, just Disneyland. But that's not how it is to me. I loved Disney since I was a kid. Just like any other kid. But the difference between them and me is I could only watch on as my friends brought photos of their Disneyland trips to school. Those fuckers. It was nothing to them yet they had no idea how much I envied them.

I vividly remember the day they announced that they were building Disneyland at Hong Kong. I was only 8. Who cares if it's the smallest in the world, at least it's somewhere near and relatively affordable. I finally have a possibility of going to Disneyland before I'm 18!!!

Before 18, two different people promised to bring me to Disneyland. Didn't happened. Years passed and I turned 18 without stepping foot in Disneyland, or even Hong Kong. It's okay, I told myself. I already have plans, at least I'll be there before my big 2.

Bam.

Nopenopenopenope. Hopes shattered, dreams destroyed. I don't know what to believe in anymore. Not the universe, not God. Just nothing. Stop believing - that way you won't get hurt. Don't hope for something - expectations lead to disappointments.

I don't even want to go online anymore. Every site I go reminds me of how I worked hard for nothing.

I went on Facebook, my friends are sharing cafes in Hong Kong that everyone should definitely visit at least once. Those were the cafes in my itinerary. Maybe I'll visit them at least once, but just not anytime soon.

I checked my email, and tripadvisor sent me an email telling me prices of the hotel I looked at have dropped. So what if they dropped, I can't even visit them anymore.

I went on Twitter, and Hong Kong was trending. Didn't even cared what were people talking about before I bust into tears of disappointment again.

I went on instagram, and my friends are posting photos of their Hong Kong trip. It seems like everyone is overseas at once or at least planning for something. Well, except me.

I went to read some blogs, read that some DJ is going to Hong Kong during the time I was supposed to go. Have fun in my place lol.

I watched the news, and they talked about the new Hello Kitty dimsum restaurant at Hong Kong. Yes, two of my favourite things combined in a place I cannot visit.

I went to school, my friends asked me how's the preparation for my trip. That's my fault, because I was so excited I told people I would get souvenirs for them before I even confirmed my trip.

I went to class, and my teacher talked about going to Hong Kong or Japan this June holidays. Yeah, my initial plans. Now ruined.

I hate this so much. I'm feeling so fucking bitter I just flat out refuse to go on social media sites or even go online anymore.

Eleven years of waiting, two years of visualising led me to nothing. Perhaps only more waiting. I'm sick of waiting. My whole life I've been waiting and waiting and waiting for things that don't even happen. Disneyland, when will my dreams ever come true?

I'm exhausted.
Let me sleep.

I was excited about this new phase of my life. "If you don't like something about yourself, then fix it," I'd tell myself daily. So I began fixing myself. I changed everything about me that I didn't like in hopes of finding a more confident self.

But one day I met someone who put things into perception for me.

"Why do you have to fix yourself?" He was curious about my new motto.

The answer was simple - because I didn't like who I am.

"Do you change a bulb that still can be lighted up?" he probed again.

I shook my head. Ha, what a silly question. Of course not, nobody does that.

"Then why do you want to fix yourself when you're not broken? The only thing that needs to be fixed is how you look at yourself, how you feel about yourself. You don't need to change yourself to be happy. You change your perception of life."

Disgusting. I call your behaviour utterly repulsive and distasteful. Your words were so venomous I felt nauseous when I first heard them. I wouldn't lie - I was livid. I couldn't believe you could bring yourself to even mutter those words.

But I didn't say anything to defend myself. I didn't want you to have the satisfaction of knowing that your words affected me. I didn't even acknowledge your lies till today. I know I don't have to address those untruths - the discrepancies in your lies will speak for themselves. In time to come, those who believed you would see the kind of person they put their trust in.

I finally see who you are and understand what I've been told. You are the kind of person who would throw your friends under the bus for your own benefit. The kind of person I despise. You are revolting and obnoxious. You are the worst kind of liar out there - the kind who believe whatever's coming out of their mouth is the absolute truth.

You know it yourself. We never contacted each other since that fight, as if it's an unspoken rule that the first one to speak loses. Maybe it's my pride or another of those games you play. Or it's just that our friendship was only meant to last a few months. Those months flew by and soon it was too late to mend anything so I accepted the loss of our friendship and let things go.

When you gossiped, you always said to keep it low. The walls have ears, you'd say. The same logic applies - just because we no longer meet doesn't mean I don't hear about you. When I heard what you said, of course I was irritated. If you had meant to invoke my anger then congrats, I'm not ashamed to say that you won the game. I was both resentful and distressed.

After I've calmed down, I asked myself why did I let a petty rumour like that affect me? You know me; you know I never let anyone's words get to me. More so if I know it's not true. Then I realised it's because I cared deeply for you as a friend.

Despite all the accusations thrown at you, I've always defended you and I've never once opened my mouth to even mumble something bad about you. Never ever. Ask anyone I've spoken to - I spoke nothing but the truth and even defended your character. Many disagreed with you, but I tried to get them to understand the rationale behind your actions.

I never once said I wasn't at fault too. I was partly to blame and this, I admit. When I spoke of our fight, I always told people to keep in mind there are three sides to every story - yours, mine and the truth. Unfortunately, you only remembered one. And so you used what you saw as the truth, as a tool to hurt me.

Yes, you hurt me. Yes, for a moment I felt betrayed and was left with a bitter taste in my mouth. Just for a fleeting moment. Because when that moment passed, I realised this is the best ending I could get. Knowing that I've moved on and you haven't, I've learnt to forgive and you haven't, I've grew up and you are still there spreading a rumour a secondary school student would be proud of.

I did what a good friend would have done to the best of my ability but I can't say the same about you. You lost me, I lost nothing.

School has been a nothing but a frantic rush for me in my third and final year of Mass Communication and much as I hate to say it, this blog might have to take a pause for now. It's not to say that I've lost my passion for writing (or ranting), it's just that I can no longer find it in me to update twice or thrice weekly anymore. It's not as if I no longer have the luxury of time, I still do but I'd rather use that time to read some books and do some revision of school work; something that's benefits my education and future career path.

My creative juices have been running dry; I used to get inspired by the books I read but I can hardly find time to read now. The lack of inspiration has never been more worrying than now because that's just what I need, especially when I'm taking a Creative Writing module which requires me to write poetry - something I'm not quite sure I'm well-versed in so I need to focus my energy on improving and creating better content before I dare show it to the world.

It's my final year. I'm so close to getting the diploma of my dreams. I want to do things right in the final year, cherish the chances I've been blessed with, excel in the modules that I've picked out myself and graduate without any regrets - even if it means that I have to stop updating so much. Or fretting over not updating. 

I'll still write, and even post a poem or two, but I cannot promise that I'll write as frequently as I used to. I still love this little space of mine and I'll never give it up but I believe taking things slow now can only benefit both my blog and myself in the long run.

And I'm sorry I've been only talking about my school life recently which must have been boring for everyone else but this is really what my life is all about now - to get that diploma as soon as possible so that I can begin working and lighten my mom's burden. Nonetheless, I promise to come up with some better verbal diarrhea real soon!

Let this be the start of my Monday Musings series because the most I can now is promise that I'll update once a week. I know today isn't Monday but I just want to get the word out because I just checked my stats and was shocked that there were still visitors on this dead blog haha. Till then! :-)

One day,
You will see him down the streets
And you will look into his eyes
Only to recognise

The one started a fire in you
The one who opened your eyes
The one you promised forever to
The one whom you thought was "The One"

That same person
Was the one who left you in
Such a cruel fashion
You could never love the same again

But when you bump into him
Your heart goes
/ lub-dub / lub-dub / lub-dub /
All over again

In that moment you realised
No matter how old you are
He will always be
Your favourite mistake.

Everyone told me secondary school was going to be the best years of my life, I scoffed and thought, "if these were the best years, I'd hate to think what's gonna happen the rest of my life." But they were right - indeed, those were the best four years of my life thus far.  Just like any human being, I made mistakes. I made most of them when I was 15 and these are the mistakes I come to regret even till today. My brother just turned 15 last month and watching him grow reminded me of the mistakes my friends and I made and the lessons we learnt through the hard and painful way.